


Good Little Soldiers

by pbmolecules



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Action, Anal Sex, Army, Domestic, Hurt/Comfort, Kitchen Sex, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Memories of torture, Military, PTSD, Roadhouse, Romance, Running, SoldierBobby, SoldierCas, SoldierCharlie, SoldierDean, TopDean, Violence, bottomDean, bottomcas, deployed, modern day military, separated, topCas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-08-19 00:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 64,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8182691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbmolecules/pseuds/pbmolecules
Summary: Dean is a good soldier.  Just like his father wanted him to be.  Cas is an Army Ranger, best of the best.  The fact that he is a Human Inteligence Collector should be warning enough.  But when their eyes meet across a bar, they might lose everything to have what they really want.  But Dean never does anything the easy way.  Modern day military.





	1. Military Rest

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or any of their characters. (Sad sigh)  
> I do not own any TV, movie or music referred to.

Songs and lyrics mentioned in this chapter that I do not own-  
Home, by Phillip Phillips  
Fade Into You, by Mazzy Star  
Simple Man, Shinedown's version is my favorite :)

Chapter 1. Military Rest

Dean twisted the bottle of beer between his thumb and index finger, rolling it back and forth on the bar. The Roadhouse had become his regular hang out since he had been stationed at Fort Benning two years ago. He had moved to Benning with some pretty high hopes. His bottle-green eyes lingered along the edge of the label on his bottle. None of that had worked. Lisa had moved there after six months of him practically begging her to come. They lasted six months. He thought they would get married. He really did. The whole white-fucking fence, dog, kid, whatever. 

Dean took a long drawl from his beer, emptying it. He sat it on the bar and caught Ellen's eye, nodding to her. She nodded back and brought him a beer. The place was packed, as usual. 

The Roadhouse was the best bar in Columbus, Georgia. You had to get off post to relax. This was just the next town over and catered to Army without it feeling like you were on post. It was crowded seven days a week. The main bar was in the center, usually taking two bartenders to run, with tables off to the right side and three pool tables toward the back. The other side held more tables and a small stage where locals performed on weekends and Tuesday nights. 

Ellen, the owner, was quite the character. She took no shit from soldiers, but let them have some breathing room at the same time. She was pissed beyond belief when her own daughter enlisted. Dean had the pleasure (huh) of having Ellen's daughter, Jo, in his unit. Dean kept a special watch on her without Jo knowing it. She was tough, like her mom. But Ellen took good care of him, since he took good care of her baby. 

Honestly, Jo was one of his favorites. And yeah, he had favorites. Ellen had been angry as a mama bear when Jo had enlisted. She blamed herself for bringing her up around all these soldiers. "Damn fool girl's been around soldiers so long she thinks she can be one!" Ellen had yelled, venting to Dean, who at that time she didn't know at all.

Dean had merely nodded, let her vent, then waited for her to look at him. "Sorry, you must think I'm crazy," she had said, tears barely held at bay.

"No, ma'am. But she is a good soldier. Just so you know," he had said calmly.

She had given him a bewildered look. "You work with my Jo?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jo had her first assignment to his unit. She was blonde, feisty, and smart as hell.

Ellen hesitated at that. "Boy, how old are you? Bunch of kids with guns out there!"

Dean sighed as politely as he could. Ellen schooled her face into something kinder. "Keep an eye out for my girl out there."

"I will," Dean had said, shaking her hand. "She told me to come here. That I'd like it. She's right. You got a great bar. And your daughter is quite the handy mechanic."

Ellen grinned at that. "She was attached to her daddy's hip, working in the garage any time she could."

"And I'm sorry for your loss," Dean said evenly, knowing Jo's dad had died in combat four years ago. No wonder she had been mad as hell that her daughter had enlisted.   
Ellen nodded. "Army has given me a lot," she had said, looking around her busy bar, "but it took a lot more." Her keen eyes locked onto his. Dean could see how fiercely she loved her daughter. And she could see how much he cared about his unit. The people in his unit were more than ranks and bodies. They were his responsibility and his temporary family.

"Evenin', babe," Ellen said, sitting a cold beer in front of him and shaking him out of the memory of meeting her.

"Hey, Ellen," Dean grinned half-heartedly.

"Rough day?" She stopped, leaning on the bar in front of him. He grinned a lop-sided grin at her. She would stop everything for him and it made him feel...loved.

"Boring day. Boring night."

She grinned and nodded. She knew his life inside and out. Dean had found Ellen to be like a second mother as time passed. "Well, here comes some trouble to stir up your night," she said, tipping her head forward to the door behind him.

Dean turned, looking over his shoulder. Three of his mechanics, Jo, Cole, and Garth, and a Systems Operator, Ash, came in and made a beeline to him.

"Hey, boss!" Jo smiled widely, giving him a half hug. "Hey, Mom!"

"Jo, baby," Ellen grinned, leaning over the bar to hug her. 

"Come sit with us, Dean!" Garth grinned like the idiot he was.

He shrugged and followed them over to a table. 

"Benny will be here soon. He's talking to some guy out there about his Harley," Garth said cheerfully. Dean nodded, sipping his beer. He liked Garth Fitzgerald the fourth. Which he actually found rather perplexing. Garth was geeky, ridiculously cheerful, and continued to catch Dean off guard with how smart he was. He was shit for physical prowess, but made up for it in heart, fearlessness and marksmanship. He had a Gomer-Pyle look to him. 

Ash was by far his most difficult soldier under his command. He had been aloof when he came a year ago. Barely made it through PT every morning. Dean was sure he was stoned at times. He had piss tested him five times the first month. Nothing. Dean had a nagging suspicion something was up, but couldn't bust him. Then he noticed that Ash was a fucking wizard with electronic systems. All those guys were sucked into intelligence or system ops, so he decided to make due with the stoned look as a trade off for superb work skills. He was a quirky bastard, but always had his comrades backs. And for some damn reason, him and Jo were thick as thieves. 

Cole Trenton, one of his mechanics in the motor pool, had come in with a chip on his shoulder. He and Dean had had it out several times. Dean even reported him, starting disciplinary action. After a knock-down, drag-out "fight" in the self-defense gym, he had straightened out. Cole had been cocky and was trying his damnedest to kick Dean's ass. Dean destroyed him. Easily. In front of most of the unit. Lying on his back on the mat, bleeding, sweating, and huffing for air, Dean had leaned over him. "You fuckin done tryin to show me up?"

"Yes, Sir!" 

"Quit bleedin on my mat."

"Yes, Sir!" He said, jumping up.

"We good, Trenton?" Dean asked, in his face.

"Yes, Sir."

"It's fine if we're not. I can meet you here every fucking day if we need to do this."

The slightest laugh slid through the mess of his face. "No, Sir. We are good."

Since then, they had been fine. It was not the first, nor last cocky rookie that thought he could show-up his commanding officer. Lately, he had been hanging around Jo a lot. And sure, Dean liked him a lot more now than when he had first arrived, but it rubbed him the wrong way that he liked Jo. Jo was like his little sister at this point. 

"Hey," Benny said, pulling out a chair and sitting across from Dean. 

"Hey," Dean said. "Buyin a Harley?"

"Thinkin’ ‘bout it," Benny grinned, taking a beer from Ellen as she served the table. Jo, laughably, was still under-age and only allowed in because she was the owner's daughter. 

Dean thought about Benny getting a Harley. Well, if Benny got one...he'd have to get one too. It's just what they did.

Dean and Benny met in the bowels of hell known as basic training. They had applied to the same MOS and both got in as 'Wheeled Vehicle Mechanics'. After training was over, they had been assigned different platoons but were both deployed. They had been through one nasty skirmish together. 

They were both ruthless on the battlefield. Then Benny had been injured and sent home. Dean had finished his deployment and was going to try for the Ranger program. 

Until he got Court Marshalled by Major Zachariah Fuller for being AWOL for count one morning. Dean had only been state-side two months and his little brother, Sam, had run away from the foster home he was living in. Dean had driven to Kansas, reported himself AWOL, picked up Sam and took him to the police. The police and the military police agreed with a waiver that Dean could have custody of his brother until his next deployment, then he would live with a family friend. So, Dean arrived back at Fort Carson, Sam in tow, and one seriously pissed off Major Zachariah Fuller. 

No Ranger program after that. And Sam was good as gold. 

The next time Dean was deployed, he went to live with Sheriff Jody Mills. Then back with Dean in Fort Polk, Louisiana. Deployed again. And now they had had two solid years at Fort Benning, Georgia. Although, Sam had left for college two months ago and it was actually really bothering Dean. He missed his pain in the ass brother. 

"We can ride up through the smokey mountains, brotha," Benny grinned with that damn twinkle of hope in his eye that Dean associated with Sam's puppy-dog look. 

"Yeah, we could," Dean nodded. He was such a friggin push-over. But it did sound fun.

"He wants too much for it. I'll wait til he's more ready to sell."

Dean nodded. He didn't have enough money for one anyway. Not with college expenses sucking his paychecks dry. His and now Sam's too.

A raucous of 'ohhs' caught his attention from the pool tables. A group of Army Rangers, all officers, were playing a game and one had apparently schooled another. Major Gabriel was laughing and smacking a taller man on the back. Dean had to snort a laugh at the fruity drink Gabriel carried. Only a Major could get away with carrying a fruity drink. The man he was smacking turned toward him, glancing back. He had dark brown, practically black hair and striking blue eyes. His eyes darted around briefly and he was back to laughing with the rest. An old, rusty feeling twitched deep down inside him. He watched the lean frame of the man lean over and say something in Gabriel's ear, making him laugh again. Dean wondered who the Ranger was. Then he turned back to the table at hand. 'Forget Rangers. You're never gonna be one,' he scolded himself.

"Hey, Charlie," Dean said, looking up and seeing his Captain approaching the table. The pair had been working hand in hand for two years now, running their unit together. She out-ranked him only because she was an officer, but neither of them let that be an issue between them. They ran a good unit. Best on the base as far as they were concerned.

"Hey, Dean!" She plopped down next to him, taking the last seat at the table. He and Charlie were like family. Like Benny. 

"Wanna come over tonight and finalize deets for tomorrow's op?" 

"Sure," Dean sighed, drinking his beer. They liked to plan out their field time at the last minute. Tomorrow they were going to the range and then running a Deuce rescue mock. 

"See ya later, bitches!" Charlie yelled over the table.

"Night!" They called back, Dean waving to them all. Dean glanced over as he threw tip money on the table and caught a glimpse of the blue-eyed man watching him. It was the merest catch of a glimpse and his head was down, watching the game in front of him. He had moved from where he stood earlier, now leaning with his back against the wall, still next to Gabriel. That familiar, rusty tug snagged low inside him. He turned to follow his Captain out of the noisy bar. He followed her back to post and back to her place. 

"No Dorothy tonight?" He asked, seeing the house was quiet and dark.

"In the field," Charlie shrugged.

Dorothy was an Aviation Officer flying Apache helicopters. She was bad-ass and sweet as apple pie. The pair lived together and were engaged.

"Any word yet about your engagement?" Dean asked.

"No. Morons," Charlie sighed, opening her laptop. "But we're just waiting. They can't deny us getting married. But they can make it really suck."

"I hope they aren't dicks about it," Dean said. Gay women were accepted much quicker in the military than gay men. Charlie was a higher rank than Dorothy, also allowing them to 'review' the 'matter'.

"You looked down at The Roadhouse," Charlie said softly as she clicked into the page they wanted to use on her computer.

"Ah, not really. Missin’ Sammy, I guess."

Charlie tossed him a sympathetic smile. "So, I met this hot chick the other day. You should totally meet her. I think you'll like her."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Uh huh."

"She's a dental assistant. And you so need to get over Lisa."

Dean glared.

"You do. She's not coming back. I hope."

"No. Last time I saw her, I ran into her at the Roadhouse and told her to take a hike."

"Good. You deserve way better. Like, waaaay better."

"Shuddup," Dean murmured, receiving a shrug back.

They prepped for two hours while Dean played his playlist on Charlie's phone over her stereo. He drove back to his crappy housing across post. He showered and went to bed. 

 

Three days later, he walked into the roadhouse to a loud crowd. His friend Jason was playing and he was late catching his set. He and Jason had gone into basic together. He had only stayed enlisted for four years and was now a civilian. Like so many, he found himself stuck in Columbus. He was an electrician by trade, but played with his band regularly at Ellen's. He took an open seat at the bar, waving to Ellen. The place was packed. Typical Friday night. 

"Hey, soldier!" She smiled, sliding him a beer.

"Ellen," he nodded. He turned toward the band and tapped his finger with the familiar beat of Phillip Phillips Home. 

'The trouble, it might drag you down,  
If you get lost, you can always be found.  
Just know you're not alone,  
Cuz I'm gonna make this place your home.'

Dean wondered where he would ever call home. Fort Benning had been good to him. But Georgia's humid heat made him want to go elsewhere. His eyes scanned the room. Sitting at a table, watching the band intently, was the blue eyed man he had seen several days ago. Dean scanned the rest of the room, taking a drink of his beer and then scanned back, finding him again, like a magnet. 

Pam, who he knew also, took over singing for the next song. It was slow and sultry, her style. The mood relaxed a bit more.

'Fade into you,  
Strange you never knew.  
Fade into you. I think it's strange you never knew.'

The man was sitting sideways at the table, watching Pam sing. Elbow resting on the table, chin in hand, two fingers curled in front of his bottom lip. His other arm was hooked on the back of his chair, tapping slightly to the slow, steady beat.

'This stranger light goes on slowly,  
A stranger's heart is not a home,  
You put your hands into your head  
And smiles cover your heart.  
Fade into you'

His eyes tipped down and Dean's hand jerked slightly as the blue eyes flicked straight to him. He was locked onto the bluest eyes he had ever seen. They were intense and Dean could feel his own heart rate jumping. 

The man's mouth twitched slightly and his eyes were back on Pam as she ended the song. 

Cheering and clapping for Pam erupted around him and he left the bar, heading for the opposite side of the Roadhouse, looking for...anything. The brief eye contact had been a shock to Dean's system. He took a swig of beer as he stepped up to the pool table to watch a group playing for money. 

"There you are," came the familiar southern drawl of Benny.

"Hey, man."

"You alright?" Benny said, eyes narrowing, "Look spooked."

"Nah, I'm good," Dean grinned. "Just watching the kiddies play."

Benny let it go, but his eyes lingered slightly before he nodded. 

Dean watched, seeing nothing in front of him. The look had been direct. Solid. There was no skimming over it. 'He caught me looking at him. Damn it. Why was I staring at him anyway? Oh, because he's fucking gorgeous. Damn it. I haven't been attracted to a guy since high school. ALL the guys I'm around and nothing all that time. I thought it was a damn fluke. A phase. Fuckin drugs.' 

Dean took a long drink of beer.

'Why did he look right at me? He didn't smile either. Shit. I probably creeped him out. Leave it to me to piss off a fucking officer. He's so obviously an officer. Fuck. It was nothing. I'll just say I was lookin' at some chick behind him. Fuck. I'll probably never talk to him anyway.'

"Dean?" Benny said, breaking into his thoughts.

"Yeah? What?" Dean asked, taking another gulp of beer.

"Let's get out of here, man. You look like you need a minute."

"Yeah," Dean nodded and followed him out the front door. 

The humid air in the parking lot did nothing to refresh him, but the quiet helped.

'Why am I attracted to that dude? Haven't been interested in a guy since Mike. That was tenth grade. I was a freakin kid! This is...why am I even? I'm not gay. I'm not.'

They walked along the cars to the edge of the property, which bordered a pizza shop. 

"Somethin happen?" Benny asked.

'Yeah, I had a fuckin 12 year old girl moment across a bar with a fuckin' guy!' "No."

Benny nodded, walking slower. Dean stopped.

'Would I lose my job if I was gay?' He flinched. 'I'm not gay. Fuck.'

"Come on, man," Benny said, putting his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing it gently, "let's drive back home. I'll follow you and we can have a beer on the back patio."

'Would he touch my shoulder if he knew I was gay?' He flinched again at the stab of shock of memories of feelings he had thought long extinct. 'I'm not gay. I been around Benny for days at a time and never once thought anything like that.' The same could be said for Charlie, a tiny voice told him. 'Whoa, just fuckin...wow. No.'

Dean headed toward his car, Benny heading for his own. Benny must be thinking he was having some PTSD. 

The drive was a blur. Back at his house, sitting out on the patio, the pair sat quietly. Dean's head was anything but quiet. He switched to Jack and Cokes and the swirling slowed down and the voice quieted. The memories of his father freaking out and beating the shit out of him faded. The tightly locked door to that part of him slipped back shut and settled. 'It was nothing. It was an accident and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. If I ever meet the guy, I'll laugh it off. Yep. Done. Over.'

Benny slept on the couch, having drunk too much to drive to his place across post. 

Dean passed out in his own bed.

 

The next night found Dean sitting at the bar of the Roadhouse with a Jack and Coke. Saturday night was busy. He glanced back seeing Jason come through the front door with his band mate Chuck and Major Gabriel Novak. The three were always together at the Roadhouse. They all sang and all played guitar. Dean did as well, which Jason would occasionally talk him into getting on stage with them. 

"Hey, guys!" Dean grinned, burying his rattling door in his head. 

"Hey!" Chuck and Jason called back. "Dean, this is Gabe," Chuck said.

Dean knew he was Major Gabriel. Everyone knew him. He was legend for pulling pranks on his unit. His commanders. He was the friendliest Major on post.

"Nice to meet you," Dean said, shaking his hand. His eye contact was direct and piercing. Gold brown eyes matched his gold-brown hair. He grinned easily.

"Hear good things about you," Gabe said, making Dean quirk an eyebrow. "Jason says you play. And everyone knows you run the tightest unit on post. You work with Bradbury, right?"

"Yes. Charlie and I have worked together for two years now. She's fantastic."

Gabe grinned. "So we gonna play tonight?"

Dean glanced at Jason who met his look with raised eyebrows and a big closed grin.

"Maybe," Dean shrugged.

"Come on!" Chuck grinned. "I'm feelin..."

Dean laughed. He knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"Feelin’ some Simple Man comin’ on, my friend."

Dean nodded. "Maybe."

They moved to a table and had beer. Gabe's glances had lost their pierce. Dean shook it off to being freaked out from last night. Try as he might, he was paranoid Gabe's blue-eyed friend might show up, and he could not relax. 

When they got up to play, he shook his head to Chuck's invites. He did not feel like freakin’ out on stage.

He left when their set was over and went home. Alone. Two different women had flirted with him that evening. He had no interest in either of them. 

He pulled the covers back on his bed, feeling the air conditioner blow across his hot, sticky skin. He sat on the edge of his bed, head dropping into his hands. 'Why am I freaking out? Today was fine. Nothing happened. Nothing happened yesterday either.' 

He rubbed his face hard and looked over at a picture of him and Sam on his dresser. Their dad had taken them hunting and taken a picture of the two of them standing on the front porch of the little cabin. Dean had a big grin, Sam's more subdued. Dean's head dropped into his hands again, his fingers crawling back into his hair and fisting.

He was in tenth grade and he had made friends with Mike. A kid in his class. They rode bikes and talked about cars. Then Dean started liking Mike. Thinking about him like he had thought about girls. It really freaked him out. Then he spent the night one night and while watching a movie, Mike had put his hand on Dean's leg. Dean left it there. Dean thought he might lose his mind with the fire and electricity going through him with that hand just laying there. Dean finally looked at Mike. He watched as the mask of 'friend-face' slid into a look of lust. Dean kissed him. They made out every chance they got. Which wasn't often. Then Dean got his driver's license. They were having sex not long after that. Until his dad caught Mike kissing him goodbye one night. Their deadbeat dad turned into a helicopter dad. He beat the shit out of Dean. Told him no son of his was gay. There was an ultimatum. Dean broke up with Mike. It hurt. It all hurt. The things his dad said. The hitting. The embarrassing comments in front of Sam. So Dean turned into his dad's good little soldier. He hunted. Fished. Worked on cars. Did guy stuff. But never hung around other guys. He became cut-off, surly. Like his dad. He had locked the memories away so tight that it physically hurt to relive it. His senior year he had a girlfriend. They even had sex. He had assured himself a million times that he was fixed. That Mike had been a weird phase that he was glad was over. He enlisted into the Army and his dad was proud. Like everything else he did, he was proud with a bit of reserve. Dean knew what the reserve held. It held his hatred for what his son had become briefly. Dean had told himself that the hidden part inside of himself never really existed anyway. Sam had been disgusted with their father the whole time. He hated hunting and fishing. He would help Dean or hang around him while in the garage, but never on his own. Sam just never cared what their father thought. 

When their dad died from drinking and driving, Sam was 16. Dean was deployed. He came home but could not take Sam with him. Then the whole foster care thing was not working. So Dean finally got custody of him. Sam loved him just the way he was. He hated their dad for the night he beat Dean. Sam had never really gotten past it.

Dean's fists tightened in his hair. 'Was dad right to freak out? Dean thought about those blue eyes across the bar. The twitch of his lip. Those lips. His relaxed body sitting in that chair. 'Fuck!

I was checking him out.'

"Fuck." Dean stood up, paced down his hall and into his living room. 

'I was checking him out. His body.'

He paced into the kitchen.

'His body. His ass. The first time I saw him with Gabe. I checked out his ass.'

Dean froze at the memory, standing in front of his kitchen table.

'I saw him. Watched him laughing. Those eyes. I looked at his ass. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes when he laughs.'

"Mother fucker!" He swept his hands across his table throwing mail and books everywhere. 'He is hot. That's why I'm freaking out. I didn't just fucking check him out.' Dean threw a bowl, a fork. 'I liked what I saw. He was fucking hot.'

Dean looked at the disaster of his kitchen. Yeah, that had really helped. He sat heavily on one of the chairs. 'At least this looks how I feel. A fucking mess. I'm a fucking mess. How the hell did this happen? How did I ignore this for so long? Is it? Am I? Shit. 

Fuck. 

Shit.

My job. My friends. Sam. Dad.'

Dean felt panicky. His hands clutched the table and he took a deep breath. 

'Dad's dead. Besides he was a fucking jerk. Sam. Sam wouldn't care. My friends. My job. No. I can't. They'll hate me. I'll lose respect. I'll be ruined. The guy doesn't even like me!'

Dean took a deep breath. He could call Charlie. Charlie would be cool. 'No. No one. No one knows and no one needs to know. The guy doesn't even like me. He doesn't know me. I don't exist. And neither does he.'

Done. 

Door closed. 

The door in his head that held 'those' memories and thoughts was locked tight. Done. Nothing had even happened. Except that he had definitely checked out a guy. Big deal. Get over it.


	2. Rank And File

Songs and lyrics in this chapter I do not own-  
Mr. Jones, by Counting Crows  
Runnin', by Jensen Ackles

 

Chapter 2. Rank And File

 

"Sir," Ash said, walking over to the deuce Dean was elbows deep in.

"Yeah," Dean called, not stopping the torque on the wrench, almost done wrestling the corroded bolt open.

"Delivery is arriving."

"Thank you, Specialist."

"Yes, sir," Ash saluted and hustled off to his computer at the end of the carpool bay.

The bolt slid and Dean heaved a sigh, removing it.

"PFC Trenton," Dean hollered, wiping his hands off and straightening his back.

"Yes, Sir!" Cole Trenton came running.

"Finish this deuce."

"Sir, yes, sir."

Dean went to a sink, scrubbing the grease off and headed for the entry to the bay.

"Sergeant," Dean said, stepping up beside his mentor and fell into military rest. Bobby Singer was a hardass and a teddy bear. And Dean loved the old bastard.

"Sergeant Winchester. How are the troops today?"

"They're workin'. I hope this shipment isn't too big."

"Huh, guess you didn't look at the spec sheet, ya idjit."

Dean saw five tow trucks headed his way. "Wonderful," Dean said, flatly.

As the trucks rolled in, Bobby directed them where to park.

A thin, nervous looking Private First Class Chambers approached Dean. "Sergeant, we have a problem loading a Buffalo."

"Where?" Dean asked. Buffalo vehicles were huge.

"I can take you. Sergeant Crowley is asking for a rescue, right inside gate 1."

"Alright," Dean said, taking in the nervous young woman. "Wait here."

Dean went to Bobby to report the situation. After explaining his plan, Bobby agreed.

PFC Chambers drove Dean, Charlie, and Benny while several LAV-R rescue vehicles followed.

As they rounded the final bend, the scene at the gate unfolded before them. The giant Buffalo lay on its side. Traffic was backing up in both directions and Sergeant Crowley was screaming at a line of men.

"This is a royal fugazie," Dean huffed.

"Nah, we got this," Charlie grinned. Dean had to laugh. PFC Chambers pulled up to Crowley and they got out.

"Well, the Calvary has finally arrived," Crowley yelled.

Dean strode purposely toward him, stopping short in front of him.

"You can stop screaming Sergeant. We'll have this squared away in no time."

"I'LL STOP SCREAMING WHEN SHIT STARTS MOVING! SERGEANT!" Crowley screamed.

"Yeah," Dean sighed, walking away. He had dealt with Crowley before. At least they were the same rank. Otherwise, he would not be able to give him hell back. Charlie met him in front of the Buffalo. After sorting out several details, they had the LAV rescue vehicles placed and hoisting the metal beast upright. 

"See," came a familiar voice. Dean, Charlie, Benny and Crowley stood up straight and saluted Major Gabriel.

"At ease," Gabe waved. "See, I told my guys this would be over in no time."

"We will be out of your way momentarily, sir." Dean said. 

Dean glanced over at the other soldiers standing quietly behind Gabe. Dean's jaw clenched as he spotted the blue eyed man standing just to Gabe's right. He was relaxed and openly watching Dean like the rest of the squad. An Army Ranger squad. Tan berets and strong jaws. 'He's a fucking Ranger. Of course he is.' 

"Impressive unit guys," Gabe grinned. "Didn't I say Car Pool would have this over before 1400?"

The men nodded and responded, yes, sir. Dean's eyes betrayed his strict orders from himself to not look at Ranger Hot-As-Fuck. Blue eyes watched him quietly with a relaxed stance. He was neither smiling nor frowning. 

Dean's eyes flew back to Gabe and back again. 'Novak. His name patch said Novak. Captain Novak. He's an officer. I figured that much. And Gabriel's last name is Novak. Related? Probably. Shit.'

"Well done," Gabe nodded.

"Thank you, sir," Dean saluted as the group walked back to their awaiting jeep.

Dean let out a long, slow breath and jogged back to Charlie's side.

The buffalo was on it's wheels again and being hoisted to tow. 

"I already reported to Sergeant Singer," Charlie said.

"Good. Let's get back to the bay and sort this shit out." 

His head felt messy. His thoughts were everywhere. As they rode back to the car pool, Dean allowed himself a brief break in thought. 'Novak was fucking gorgeous. Relaxed, in a bar in civvies he looked hot. Today, in the full bright sunlight and in his uniform...he looked fucking delicious.' Thoughts he had not had since he was barely a teenager began to poke through. Flashes of what it might feel like to kiss him. Touch him. 'Whoa. Right now. Fucking whoa.'

 

That evening, he drove into the Roadhouse to meet up with Benny, Jo, Ash and probably Cole. It was Monday night and the place was calm. Busy, but respectable. He sat down with Benny and the others. They wanted his tale of the fallen Buffalo. Dean, per usual, shrugged it off with few words. Jo rolled her eyes but quickly brightened when Charlie sat down.

"Now, I know you can tell a way better version of the dying Buffalo than Dean!" Jo said excitedly.

"Oh!" Charlie smiled, chipper as always. "First, Dean, would you please, please, please, get me an order of fries and a beer?"

"Sure," Dean said, needing a beer himself. 

He walked over to the bar, leaning against it and waiting for Ellen. He knew she was busy. While Monday's were slower business wise, she got her inventory stocked that day, making her quite busy.

"I'll be right with you boys!" Ellen said brightly, buzzing past him. Dean looked down the bar to his right, but no one else appeared to be waiting for her. He glanced over his left shoulder and- 'Jesus on a cracker!' Novak stood just behind him. 'This guy needs a fucking bell! A little dinging cowbell so I have warning that he will be in my immediate vicinity. So I can run! Jesus, take a breath.' 

Their eyes made contact again, Dean's by accident, of course, and Novak's with a slow, steady stare. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans and his hair looked slightly messy. It made Dean's fingers flinch, curl, and want to touch it. He was not quite as tall as Dean, but close. But it was his vibe of command that made Dean's heart rate jump. 

In Dean's experience, there were two types of officers. Those like Charlie that were officers because they went to college and were smart. Then there were officers that commanded power. They were an officer no matter if you were standing at parade, working, driving, hell, they could be on their knees playing with a toddler, and still they exuded power and command. And Novak was the latter. 

He tipped his head slightly and a slight smile lifted one side of his mouth.

"Hey," Dean said, gruff and stuttering. And he damn-well knew he was an officer. He should have at least tried to act respectful. Dean focused forward, watching Ellen come near him again.

"Alright, Dean, whatcha want?" Dean froze. Why was he here? He had a reason! "Fries!" He blurted. "And two beers. Please."

Ellen grinned but narrowed her eyes slightly, then they flitted over his shoulder. "Cas, what can I get you?"

"Burger, no onion, fries, and a beer, please."

"You got it."

'Cas. Cas Novak. Captain Cas Novak. Cas...Caster? Casper? Casanova?'

"Nice work with the Buffalo today."

'Holy Jesus tap dancing on a fucking cracker. He just spoke to me. To me! And his voice. Oh...mercy...it's like sex honey. Shit! Answer! Stow your shit and get with the fucking program.' 

"Thank you...sir," Dean said, not sure if he should be formal or relaxed. He wanted to say more, but the guy wasn't exactly 'inviting' looking. Obviously observing him, but not really approachable with it. It was the close set of his jaw and an aloofness that Dean had to respect. He was an officer and a Ranger. Way outta any league Dean had ever dreamed about. Dean twitched slightly under the heavy observance of Novak's serene blue eyes. He wished he could talk to him like he could usually talk to girls, but all that was happening in his head at the moment was a giant drooling 'duuuuhhhh...'

"Hey, Cas!" Major Gabriel said, slapping Cas on the shoulder. Cas turned his head the tiniest bit. 

"Gabriel, how are you?"

"Good! Hey, Dean!" Gabe grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets and grinning widely.

Dean felt extremely out-ranked. Like a rabbit being looked at by a pair of dragons.

"Evening, Sir," he managed, tugging out his I'm-relaxed-and-charming smile.

"What a fuckin’ mess today, right? You shoulda seen Crowley freaking out!" Gabe laughed, but Cas remained steady, eyes elsewhere, but frequently back to Dean. 

"Hey, bro," Gabe said, reaching up and putting his hand on Cas' shoulder, "would you get me a appletini?"

Cas nodded and Gabe was gone. Ellen came whirling out of the kitchen. Fries and beers were pushed his way and Dean grabbed them. Feeling Cas' presence next to him like an inferno, he glanced over his shoulder and gave a quick grin. "Night."

Cas nodded, his eyes ticking down to the things he was carrying and back up. Dean headed for the table, thankful he was out of the awkward situation and disappointed to be done already. 'I'm such a fuckin' idiot! I shoulda said more. Smiled, at least. No! Less is more. No! There is NOTHING going on. Nothing. Sit your ass down, smile, and breathe. Dude sure can stare though! Damn!'

The tale of the Buffalo had been much improved by Charlie. The evening passed quickly and Dean knew he needed to leave soon. Jo, Ash and Cole took off when they were done eating. Benny left soon after. Charlie and Dean were left. Both looked pensive.

"What's up with you?" Dean asked, nudging her beer bottle with his.

She slumped back in her seat. "Things are not going well with DOMA. Looks like Dorothy and I will not be getting married."

"That is so stupid," Dean scoffed.

"I know," Charlie said quietly. "It's legal in every state. I fight, Dorothy fights, to keep every state free. But we can't get married. And if we push anything, they slap a 'fraternization' charge on us and bam. Careers over."

"I'm so sorry, Charlie."

She nodded. “I have a meeting later this week. We’ll see.”

Time passed and Dean watched Cas sitting at another table across the bar. He was with Gabe and some other Rangers. Cas was generally quiet, but Gabe seemed to get him going telling stories or something that kept him talking. He felt jealous of Gabe. 'How can Gabe sit that close, even touch him, and not drool?' 

Cas' head started to turn and Dean quickly shifted his eyes to Charlie. 'Shit. I gotta stop. I'm gonna get busted. Does Charlie know I'm checkin out a guy? And I can't let Captain Cas Novak catch me...'

Dean noticed how sad and still Charlie looked. She needed distracted.

"Hey, Charlie," he said quietly, catching her eyes with his. "Tell me what you know about Major Gabriel and this crew he hangs with."

"Mmm. Gabriel and the rest of them are Rangers. They aren't just good. They are like, Laura Croft good."

Dean nodded, stealing a cold fry off her plate. She glanced at him and followed his gaze back to the group. 

"They seem cool. Not rangerific. Let's see...Gabe is Military Intelligence, with mad-hatter skills."

"Seriously?" Dean asked.

"Seriously."

"He seems so...chill. Too relaxed to be focused enough to be a Ranger."

"I know, right! But I swear to God, it's like he snaps his fingers and shit goes his way. I've been in combat zones with him and he is just as relaxed there as he is here drinking those appletinis!"

"That's crazy," Dean smirked. But he believed Charlie's assessment. Frankly, he believed every assessment of hers to be true. She had her own set of mad-hatter skills.

"And I swear, he knows everyone. And he's not stuck up. He talks to privates the same as he addresses a General. But he hangs out mostly with his Rangers. And of course he plays with Jason and Chuck."

Dean nodded. Although Dean played with Jason and Chuck too, it was not as often as Gabriel. And the pair had just never quite crossed paths before. He wanted more info. "How do you know so much about everyone, Bradbury? I bet you know every person at his table."

Charlie giggled. "Let's see. The first one, with dark hair next to Gabe, is Castiel Novak, Captain, stoic guy." She leaned over, closer to Dean. "Word is he's 35F and fucking scary as hell. I heard they call him Thursday. But I don't know the story behind it. Anyhow, he's related to Gabe. Cousins maybe? And they're tight. The guy next to Novak is Michaels." Dark hair, piercing eyes and that same steady, intense look as Gabriel and Cas. "He's infantry. Bad-ass as hell and kinda cold. Then there's Roscoe and Eldon Styne. They are cousins and major rangerific. Their shit's probably ammo shaped."

Dean laughed.

"Next guy is Gadreel. He's MI. Negotiates a lot. Very stiff. Like Petrificus Totalis. Umm...the next guy is Christian Campbell, first Lieutenant and same for the next guy, Warren. Although Warren should be higher rank by now but he is known to be a trouble-starter. I think Gabe is keeping an eye on him. Can't have people like that as Rangers.”

"You are amazing," Dean said.

She wiggled and grinned. 

'35F. Jesus. Human Inteligence Collector. Interrogators. Linguists. And being a Ranger on top of that...he was probably doing some Jack Bauer shit.' It gave Dean chills. But were they chills of fear or chills of anticipation. Dean thought about the intensity of that blue eyed stare. 'Okay...so staring is actually like a skill-set of his. Why does he have to be so damn intense? And an officer. It's ...impossible in every way. And the guy meant nothing by his stares. He is just that intense. It had nothing to do with me. It's just how he is.'

"Did you ever talk to Novak?" Dean asked, wondering if everyone reacted to the man's powers like he did.

"Only once. He needed a jeep for transport."

"He's kinda...intense."

Charlie looked closer at him and took a sip of beer. "Yeah. Kinda wants to make you role around like a kitten...or fucking hide."

Dean laughed. "Okay, so it's not just me?"

"No!" Charlie laughed. "He's fucking intense!"

"Dude, I thought I was losin' it!" Dean laughed. But a bitter seed popped in his gut. If he was intense with everyone, then the interactions they had had meant nothing. It really was all nothing. Dean had jumped the gun and breached a locked door within himself...for nothing.

 

By Friday, Dean felt he had shook the 'incident' sufficiently. They had a back-up of vehicles a mile long and he was busy. The entire Car Pool was busy and running well. He went home Friday night and showered and headed for the Roadhouse. Jason had finally nagged him enough to play with them tonight.

He walked in, guitar case on his back and headed for the hallway back by the bathrooms. There was an instrument holding area for those playing. It was a hallway, really, but it let the performers gear-up, enter and exit off stage rather than stepping down into the crowd. Dean would never describe himself as shy, but he preferred playing with just friends. Something had shifted inside him recently though. He was ready for something. To get laid maybe. Yeah, that would fix the 'incident' for sure.

"We go on in five," Jason said. "Join us for Mr. Jones?"

"Alright," Dean said.

He waited in the hall, watching them play two songs and then walked out for Mr. Jones.

"Let's hear it for my friend here," the crowd cheered, not giving a shit who was singing, but having a good time with the music. "Dean, this is all you, man."

Dean grinned, stepping up and adjusting the mic. He strummed a few chords and glanced around the crowd. Some of his unit was here. And damned if that table full of Rangers were looking at him. Dean barely skimmed the blue eyes of Novak, shutting them out so he could freakin’ focus. His chord stumbled and he looked at Jason, picking up where he was. He doubled his efforts and launched into it, 

'I was down in the New Amsterdam..' The crowd cheering. It was a song Dean could feel. Talking to his drinks, turning to alcohol as a companion after the destruction of Lisa. He had intended to keep his eyes down, avoiding the Rangers, but as he lost himself in the song he forgot.

'Believe in me...help me believe in anything,  
Cuz I, I wanna be someone who believes,  
Yeah,   
Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales and we stare at the beautiful women,  
She's lookin at you, oh, no, no, she's lookin at me'

Dean looked right at Cas as he sang the last line, a devilish bravery rearing up inside him. Glancing away, he finished the song, Jason backing him. It felt good to be out on stage again.

Dean bowed out, heading for the hallway, loading his guitar and leaving it there. He left through the the door by the bathrooms, heading for the bar and a much needed drink.

"Beer," Dean said to Becky, who usually didn't bartend. They must be short staffed tonight. She was a dingy waitress, and Dean always got a stalker vibe when she was around. Added bonus, she was their neighbor. 

"Gotcha, Dean," she giggled.

He gave her his charming smile, even though she was totally a lost cause and never gonna leave with him. Or his brother, who she loved to drool over even more than himself.

Singing that line to Cas had been stupid of him. He should have let sleeping dogs lie. He turned back, glancing at the table of Rangers. As if alerted to his thoughts, Cas stopped mid sentence and glanced right at him, smiling.

'Is he smiling at me? He's just smiling in general.' Dean could not help but smile back. It was contagious. It was like the sun rising. It was beautiful and gone, just like that, turned back to the table where he continued talking. 'Did he smile at me? Was that directed at me?'

He slid money over to Becky, telling her to keep the change and went to join Charlie. The usual gang was there and the evening flew by. Four beers later, Dean headed for the bathroom. As he entered the hallway to the bathroom, several women passed him, leaving and he saw a couple making out against the end of the hall, right by the men's room door. 

The guy was up against the wall and the girl was curvy and sexy, wanting way more than what she was already getting. Then a bucket of cold water spilled over his insides as he saw the guy kissing her was Cas. 'If I didn't have to piss so bad I'd turn around. Come on Winchester, three steps to the door.' One of his hands was in her hair and the other was on her back. Two steps. One blue eye opened, catching Dean. Her head had dropped to his neck and the bastard grinned. One step. Dean grabbed the door handle. Cas winked at him. Dean had no idea what kind of face he had just made but...what the fuck? 'What the fuck was that? He's makin' out with some bitch and fucking winked at me!' Dean slid his zipper down, frowning at the bizarre moment. 'What the fuck was that? Did he wink? He definitely winked. What the fuck did that mean? Who does that? What the hell!' Dean washed his hands mechanically and hesitated to open the door. Would they still be there? 'Then don't fucking look at them.' 

Dean wrenched the door open. The hall was empty. Like it had been an illusion. Dean headed back to the table, trying to shake his daze.

The group broke up shortly after that, heading home for the night. Charlie followed Dean to his car.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. You?" He said.

"Fine. Don't tell me. Something is bugging you. You know you can talk to me. Right?"

"Of course, Charlie."

She nodded, walking backwards a few steps, then turning to walk to her own car.

He needed to get a grip. People were noticing.

 

Wednesday evening, Dean was under his car, wiping out the wheel wells. He was avoiding the Roadhouse and had his baby shining to parade standards. His hands itched to fix something. He only wished he could reach in and fix his own head. 

A car pulled in. The soft whiz of a foreign tiny car told him it was probably Charlie. She usually did not come to his house. It was a big deal for officers and enlisted to fraternize. They always had PT drill excuses or op planning as a back-up reason for him being at her house. But they weren't due for field duty for another week.

A pair of boots stopped beside him. Shit. Someone in uniform. Dean scooted out, hopping to his feet.

"Jeez, Charlie, ya scared me," Dean said, his words drying in his mouth at the stoney look on her face. Something was wrong. He turned toward his front door, her following him silently. With the front door shut. He turned back to her.

"Charlie?" He said gently.

Her face crumpled, her hands darting up to cover her face.  
He reacted automatically, hugging her to him. She shook and cried.

"Charlie, please tell me what happened," Dean coaxed gently, smoothing a hand down her flame red hair. Her arms came away from her face and wrapped tightly around him. Her head lay heavy on his chest, soaking tears into his grey t-shirt.

Never in the time he had known Charlie had he ever seen her cry. It could only be Dorothy. She had no family. And she was a top notch officer, aside from her fraternizing with lower rank and enlisted. Her sobs slowed down and he just held her tight. Actually touching someone felt so good. It had been a very long time since he had held anyone. Even if it was as a friend.

"Come on, Charlie, breathe. Tell me what happened."

She took a shaky breath and pulled back, wiping her face.  
"I just came from DOMA. Dorothy and I can't get married. And they threatened to court marshal both of us for fraternizing."

"Damn it," Dean swore, pacing away from her.

"Dorothy is moving out." New tears trailed down her cheeks and she slid down the wall, sitting defeated in his hallway. She looked so tiny. He wanted to crush everyone at DOMA. Fucking bastards.

Dean knelt in front of her, squeezing her shoulders and making her look at him. "Charlie, Dorothy loves you. She's moving out to keep you safe."

"I'm not re-upping," she said bitterly.

"Then that's our country's loss, Charlie. Because you are brilliant."

"Damn right, I am."

Seeing she was gaining her composure, Dean slid over next to her, heads tipped back onto the wall, knees bent, they sat silently. He generally sucked at chick-flick moments, but Charlie was like his sister. He would do anything for her. 

"So...can I tell ya something weird?" Dean ventured, knowing there was nothing he could fix at the moment for Charlie, so might as well share a shitfest.

"Please," she smiled, her head dropping onto his shoulder.

"Last week at the Roadhouse...I accidentally walked up on Novak makin' out with some chick."

"Yeah?" Charlie said, lifting her head and sniffing.

"He...looked at me...and smiled..."

"While kissing a girl?"

"And winked."

Charlie's brow knitted comically and her eyes bulged. "What the fuck is that?"

"Right!" Dean practically exploded. "What the fuck was that? Why would you do that?"

"Well... I guess I would do it if I liked someone. But not while kissing someone else. That's..."

"Right!" Dean filled in the silence. It's weird, creepy, hot, ...wait.

"Have you talked to him before?" Charlie asked, watching him closely.

"Not really."

"Do you...like him?" Charlie asked.

"No!" Dean snapped. "It was weird okay? It freaked me out!"

"Well, maybe he likes you."

"Charlie, he's a Ranger!"

"Oh, well I know women can't be Rangers so I guess you're saying gays can't be Rangers either?" A sharp tone had slid into her voice and Dean bit his lip.

"I don't think the guy could be...gay."

"Why not?"

"He's too...I don't know!"

"So, you don't know. Look, the guy is known for being silent. He's a freakin’ rock. Maybe he was stoned. Or drunk."

"I don't think so," Dean said, remembering the clear blue eyes.

"Well maybe he's a creeper," Charlie sighed.

"Maybe."

"All I know is, he's freakin hot. So that was one lucky chick."

"Yeah."

Charlie snickered.

"Wait-" Dean reviewed what was just said and shut his eyes.

"It's okay. I knew."

"You knew what?" Dean asked coldly, not looking at Charlie.

"That you like Captain Cas Novak. Sorry, but I know you too well."

Dean stood up and paced the hall and into his living room.   
"What makes you say that?" Dean asked tightly.

"Umm...okay, so I saw him checking you out first. At the Roadhouse awhile back. Then I saw you talk to him at the bar that one time."

"If you saw, I mean, if you thought that, maybe others thought that," Dean murmured.

"Well, I'd drop the whole thing if I were you. He's an officer, Dean. A Ranger. And he's...intense. Not your thing."

"I can do intense," Dean defended.

Charlie smiled devilishly. "So you do really like him!"

"Uhhgg," Dean growled. "Whatever."

"He is hot." Charlie beamed.

"He's an officer."

"Have you...ever been with a guy?" Charlie asked, way too interested.

"No!" Dean snapped, glaring at her. She shrugged. He took in her small frame in that uniform. He was usually always proud when he saw uniforms. But he was disgusted with DOMA. For her. He sighed. "Okay, once. I had a thing..."

"A thing?" Charlie pressed, getting to her feet and following him into the living room.

"Yeah. I was 16. It lasted a few months and then my dad busted me. Beat the shit out of me."

Charlie nodded. "Sorry."

Dean shrugged.

"I'd like to tell you it will be okay. But as long as the Army owns you, it's not. Not really."

Dean nodded. He walked over, hugging Charlie again. "I want to tell you the same thing, Charlie. But you're right. Sorry."

 

Dean drug himself through Thursday. Friday night he stayed home, playing Charlie on his PS. 

 

Saturday night he had promised Jason an encore. He hoped Cas just wasn't there. There had to be other places to get a damn drink.

He unloaded his guitar and went for a Jack and Coke. While sitting at the bar, he saw Cas through the crowd. For once, he turned the opposite direction, choosing to shut any potential awkwardness out. 

Tonight he started with Jason, Chuck, and Gabe. Dean had never played with Gabe before, but found him to be his usual relaxed self. Dean sang the first song, one he and Jason had worked hard on over the winter. It was low and powerful. Dean cleared his thoughts and just let himself go with the music.

'One shot and the whiskey goes down, down, down,  
Bottom of the bottle hits,  
Waking up my mind is a ball of fit,  
The breaking is taking me down, down, down,'

His eyes locked. It was magnetic. Completely out of his control. Cas was watching him with an intense expression. His eyes never wavered and Dean had to rip himself away.

'My heart's beating faster, I know what I'm after.  
I've been standing here my whole life  
Everything I've seen twice  
Now it's time I realize  
It's spinnin back around now  
On this rope I'm crawlin'  
Save me 'cause I'm fallin'  
Now I can't seem to breath right   
'Cause I keep runnin', runnin', runnin'!'

Close to the end of the song, Dean noticed Cas was actually leaning forward in concentration. 

Jason took over the next song and Dean headed for the small hallway. He put his guitar in the case and sighed heavily as he clamped it shut. He slid the guitar over his back and headed out. 

Two steps out the door into the crowded hall, Dean hesitated. Cas was standing there. As soon as he saw Dean, he sprang to life, making his way toward him.

'Oh fuck.'

"Hello, Dean," he said stopping just in front of him, eyes intense as ever.

"Uh, hi." Dean had no idea even how to address him. Cas? Castiel? Captain? Shit.

A small smile smirked on the side of his mouth. "You can call me Cas."

'It's like he can read my mind. Jesus.'

"Nice job. With the song."

Dean hefted the guitar slightly, glancing around nervously. 'His voice is like gravel. Why does that turn me on?'

"Uh, thanks."

He chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Dean wanted to smell him...just...lean forward and smell him. Ugh. He had gone full creeper! This guy was gonna be the death of him!

"Gabe says you work on older cars. On your own time. I was wondering if you could look at a '69 mustang for me."  
Cars. He's talkin about cars. Dean's shoulders relaxed a bit. "Yeah. Sure."

Cas nodded, looking down. "I have one at my place if you could stop over sometime this week and check it out."

'His place. On an evening. Shit. This was a bad, bad idea.' He took a steadying breath. "Anytime," he heard himself say.

Cas nodded. He pulled his cell phone out and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah," Dean stammered, giving him his cell phone number.

"I'm free tomorrow afternoon, if that works for you."

"Sure," Dean said, feeling sweat bead on his forehead. 'Okay, not evening. Afternoon. Afternoons weren't for dates. They were for...anything!'

"I'll text you."

"Yeah. That's fine." Dean shrugged, nonchalantly, he hoped.

Cas grinned softly, turned and weaved his way out of the busy hallway.

Dean took a deep breath. 'Closer up he's even hotter. Oh, shit. This is such a bad idea.'

He left, driving home with a wide-eyed stare the whole way. 

 

The next day he woke with a nagging headache from the jack and Cokes he had to shut his head up to fall asleep.  
He ate breakfast and went for a run. He circled Stewart Field four times and then headed home. In the shower, his phone buzzed. He snatched it off the shelf and saw an unknown number.

\--this is Cas Novak. We spoke yesterday. I will be home at 1100.

Dean blinked at it.

His address came next. That was it.

Dean- ok. I'll be there.

He sat the phone back down and stared at his shower wall. The guy had a mixed up system of sending messages. 'Is he flirting? It almost feels like a test. Or orders.'

Dean rinsed off and got out of the shower. He was almost tempted to put his digies on. But he put on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He grabbed some tools and headed over.

His house was one of the nice officer houses. He had a garage and was on a cul-de-sac. 

He pulled onto the bottom of the driveway and headed for the front door. Cas opened it before he got there, coffee cup in hand. He was wearing running shorts and a sweaty t-shirt. ‘He is so fucking gorgeous! Don’t look at his legs. Don’t check out his ass. Working! We’re working here. Fuck all already. He was surely going to die.’

"Morning," Dean said cheerfully.

"Morning," Cas greeted. "Coffee?"

"Sure." Dean followed him inside. Charlie would have gotten a kick out of the obvious bachelor-ness of the house. Simple furnishings, blank walls, big TV and comfortable couch and chair.

"Hey there, Dean-o," Gabe said as he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

"Sir," Dean stammered slightly.

Gabe waved him off. "Sorry to third-wheel your little...get together."

Dean's eyes darted to Cas. 

"Knock it off, Gabe. Can you not see he's nervous as it is."

Gabe fixed Dean with a grin. "My bad."

Dean took the coffee Cas offered. The fact that Castiel knew he was nervous sucked. But he should have known better. The guy was a Human Intelligence Collector. Dean might as well be wearing a running ticker-tape of emotions across his forehead.

"Sugar?" Gabe offered. "You're supposed to offer people things to put in their coffee, Cassie."

"Shut up, Gabe. He drinks it black." Cas turned a softer look onto Dean. "Right?"

"Yeah," Dean said, taking a sip. 'What the fuck am I doin here?' 

"Follow me," Cas said, Gabe standing as well. Dean followed the pair through the kitchen and out into the garage. A cleanly kept garage was lit well and held an old 80's KC Jeep, a covered motorcycle and a black '69 Mustang. The tires all looked bad. It was dusty. It had not moved in a long time. But it definitely had not sat here all that time. 

"Where'd ya get it?" Dean asked, sipping his coffee and circling the neglected beauty.

"I have to leave at 1400. Can you have it fixed by then?" Cas asked.

Dean raised his eyebrows. He sat his mug on a workbench and lifted the hood.

There was enough shit wrong with this car to work on for weeks. He looked at Cas. "What's goin on?"

"I need this car ready to go at 1400. Drivable. Not pretty."

"Driving how far?"

"Twenty miles."

Dean furrowed his brow. Cas' look was firm, but not an outright order. He glanced at Gabe. He wasn't smiling either, but he was watching Dean. He got the distinct feeling there was something going on here. But a Major and a Captain were asking him to get something damn-near impossible done.

"Yeah. I brought some tools."

"I have tools," Cas said, pointing at his workbench and wall.

Dean nodded. They exchanged a stare, asking and unwilling to answer silent questions between them.

Dean bit his bottom lip, hands on his hips, looking between the pair. 

 

For three hours Dean worked his ass off to change three parts, change the oil and fix the clutch box.

At 1345, he closed the hood. He was hot, sweaty, greasy, and felt like he had just taken a shop final. "The tires are fer shit. But they'll hold for twenty miles."

While he had worked, Gabe drifted in and out. Cas stayed, helping to hold something or hand him a tool. But the job was done. A weird ass job.

"That was impressive," Gabe said, listening to the engine run.

Dean shut it off and got out, closing the door.

"Mind telling me what I just did here?" Dean asked, wiping his forehead with the bottom of his shirt.

"Fixing a car for me," Cas said lightly, handing him a beer.  
Dean held his gaze slightly. Now he was the one not smiling while the pair of them beamed approvingly.

"Well, we gotta hit the road Dean," Gabe said.

Dean gulped the cold beer and handed the empty bottle back to Cas. 

"Alright," he shrugged. He obviously wasn't getting any more information from them.

Cas opened the garage door and Dean headed out to his car.

Neither walked out with him, and they both got in the mustang and started it. Dean drove away feeling totally used and disgruntled. So not what he had had in mind for the day.


	3. Voluntold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any military inaccuracies. I did lots of research, but I am no pro. Anyway, on with the show!

Chapter 3. Voluntold

 

Two days later, Dean was sitting on the bumper of a LAV-R, explaining how to re-install the boon hoist pin to Garth when a jeep pulled up.

Dean stood up to see who was just pulling in with no appointment and picked up his pace when Gabe stepped out with General Glass. Cas and another officer also stepped out of the jeep.

He saluted.

"Where's Sergeant First Class Singer?" General Glass asked.

"This way, sir!" Dean said promptly, leading the group to Bobby's office and hoping like hell Bobby was squared away. He was proud of how attentive his unit was, moving and saluting as appropriate. He was also proud of how clean the bay was and how industrious every one was. There would definitely be some 'atta-boys' at PT tomorrow morning.

Ash jumped up, saluting. 

"General Glass here to see Sergeant Singer," Dean announced.

Ash saluted and opened the office door, leading into Bobby's office. The visitors filed inside the small room.  
Ash returned quickly, barely moving his mouth when he said, "What the fuck, man?"

"No fucking clue," Dean tight-lipped back. He spun on his heal giving a general nod for people to keep working. 

Noises quickly picked up and Dean went back to Garth and the boon hoist pin. 

"Why's the general here?" Garth asked low.

"No fucking clue," Dean said. A sinking feeling lay in his stomach though. Cas was there. And Gabe. After his more than bizarre Sunday afternoon with them, he wondered what the hell was going on. At least he had other witnesses today.

As he talked Garth through the process of inserting the pin, Charlie came over.

She raised her eyebrows at him.

"No fucking clue," Dean said.

After forty minutes, pin installed and crank shaft now being torn apart, Dean jumped when Ash showed up at his side. 

"General Glass wants you in the office," Ash said nervously.

"Jesus Christ," Dean swore, handing Ash the shaft parts and hauling ass across the bay.

 

"Sir?" Dean said, opening the door.

"Come in Sergeant Winchester," Gabe said.

Dean closed the door and stood at attention.

"Winchester," Bobby said gruffly, not quite meeting his eye. "You've been selected for an op. It turns out you have a certain skill set needed for a mission."

Dean's eyes darted to Gabe and Cas. Gabe looked stern and Cas had his eyes to the floor. 

"Turns out your skills with working with old cars is needed in an op."

"This is a voluntary assignment," Gabe stated flatly.

"I accept," Dean said. Cas' head snapped up as did Gabe's eyes.

"You might want some details first, soldier," Gabe said.

"I accept the assignment," Dean said.

"Very well," Gabe nodded.

"Very well," General Glass agreed.

"Report to building 1366 for security clearances ASAP," Gabe said succinctly. "Then to 4421 for briefing. Do not return home, do not return to your work."

Dean nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Novak, escort him," Gabe said.

"Yes, sir," Cas said, saluted, Dean saluted and they walked briskly out of the small room.

Everyone was watching, but no one stopped working. "Do you have a company jeep to take?" Cas asked.

"Yes, sir," Dean answered. Dean signed out a set of keys from Ash and they were off.

Dean knew better than to ask any questions. It was extremely rare to pull an E5 off his post for a secret mission with Ranger support. There had to be a very specific reason they needed him. He cleared his mind and pulled into the small rectangular building for clearances.  
Cas escorted him through the entire process, getting things done much quicker than if he had come alone. 

Though some parts of weapon systems he worked with were classified, he had never had occasion for clearances like this before. It was exciting.

Back in the jeep, Cas was as quiet as Dean. They weren't friends. They were barely co-workers. They were strangers on a mission together who had passed a few awkward looks back and forth.

They pulled into building 4421, a Ranger building that Dean had never been in.

Badges scanned, weapons removed, and escorted by two men now, Dean arrived into a meeting room full of Rangers.

Gabe was there. Gadreel, Roscoe, Eldon, Michaels, Warren, and Fer, a Major he did not know.

"Welcome aboard, Sergeant Winchester," Gabe grinned.

"Thank you, sir," Dean said.

"Have a seat. We are ready for a full plan briefing. More details will be provided to you from Captain Novak after the meeting."

"Understood, sir," Dean said, sitting.

 

Dean soaked in the details of a precise plan. He was shocked, but never showed it. He would be going to Kyrgyzstan. A small country near Russia. Cas had been working a contact there for some time and had told him he had a guy that could fix an old American model car for him. It was a time-killing excuse to get face time with the contact.

The meeting ended and Dean followed Cas into a small office littered with books, maps, charts, papers, and coffee cups.

"Your office?" Dean asked when the door was shut.

"Yes," Cas said, not having issue with rank protocol. "Excuse the mess. I've had a lot of research lately."

Dean grinned. Cas was a nerd. 35Fs were the definition of nerdy bad-ass. The real deal.

"So you speak Russian?" Dean asked, trying not to look around too hard.

"Fluent."

Real talkative, this Cas.

"From the contacts I have there, this is what I promised them."

Cas handed Dean a file, opened to a list in small, neat writing.

"You want me to fix a Mustang?" Dean asked.

"Yes. As quickly as possible with the least amount of tools as possible."

Dean thought back to Sunday. Guess he had done a good job. "Can I ask you something?" Dean asked, looking up from the file.

"Yes," Cas said, stopping his paper shuffling and looking at Dean intently, making Dean swallow hard. 

"What happened to who was supposed to be doing this?"

Cas pressed his lips into a thin line. "There was no one else. The thought came to me after...after I had asked Gabe some questions about you."

"Me?" Dean was even more curious now. "Why me?"

Cas started to say something, then stopped, biting his lip.

"Never mind," Dean said, filling in the blanks. Cas was a manipulator with words. An interrogator. If he hesitated to say something, it was with damn good reason. 'He was asking Gabe about me. Because he was interested? But now he is my direct commanding officer on this op. I can't even THINK about it. Just shut it down.'

"I need to say something, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way." Castiel said, sighing and rubbing a hand over his chin.

Dean looked up from Cas' notes on problems with the car this contact had.

Cas looked slightly worried.

"Shoot. Sir." Dean needed to wrap his head around who he was with.

Cas breathed out steadily. "Dean, off the record."

"Okay," Dean said, sitting the file down, shutting down the chill that ran down his arms when Cas said his name.

"I..." Cas licked his lip and scooted in his seat a bit. What could have him so stirred up? 

"I know you don't know me very well. But you need to appear as though we are familiar with each other."

Dean blushed. 'I could get so familiar it would make your pretty head spin.'

"See," Cas pointed at him, getting to his feet. "That's what I'm talking about."

"What?" Dean said defensively, blushing.

"You...blush. You," Cas came around the desk, stepping right into Dean's space, "you can't look so ruffled from my mere proximity or if I talk to you."

'Holy fucking shit. He did not just say that. Blush? That's a chick thing. I don't fucking blush.'

"Dean," Cas said quietly.

"I'm not! I won't..." Dean clamped his mouth shut and took a deep breath.

Cas watched while Dean gained his composure. Slowed his heart beat and his blush faded.

"Good," Cas said quietly. There was an intimacy about the way he said it that made Dean fight for the control he had, but he kept it.

Cas stepped back a step, still watching him. "Our cover says I have known you for years, but we are not necessarily friends. You are someone I trust though."

Dean nodded, his face placid.

Then Cas began speaking in Russian. Dean had no clue what was being said, although at one point Cas seemed to have amused himself, laughing slightly. At first it caught him off guard, hearing him jabber away. But he adjusted quickly.

"Good," Cas said.

Dean watched him, trying to pick up his habits and mannerisms. "So, I guess you know me just as well."

"Hm," Cas chuckled. "It's my job to know you, Dean Michael Winchester."

Dean narrowed his eyes.

"Dean, age 23. Mother died when you were 4, your father 2 years ago."

Dean struggled to not look violated or pissed, which he was.

"You were gearing for Rangers when you were-"

"I get it. You read my file."

"You have a relationship with Charlie Bradbury and Robert Singer that push fraternization guidelines."

"Like you and Gabe?"

Cas grinned. "Yes." 

His grin sobered as his blue eyes squinted. "It's what I don't know that will cause problems."

Dean swallowed. "Like what?"

Cas stepped away. "Why do you like working on cars?"

Dean shrugged. "Just something I always did. And I'm good at it."

Cas nodded slowly.

"Our cover story is key. Study it. Know it in your sleep. On our flight over, I will ask you your facts so many times you'll hate me. It's part of the process."

Dean nodded. "Okay."

"Why did you volunteer so readily?" Cas asked, head tilting to the side as if truly curious.

Dean screwed his mouth up for a second, then puffed out a breath of air. "Looks good on my record. And because I wanted to."

"Why?"

"I joined the Army for adventure. Sounded like an adventure."

Cas' eyes narrowed.

"Why?"

Dean scoffed. "Because I want to. That's why I do most things, believe it or not. Besides, I'd rather volunteer than be voluntold."

Cas nodded.

"Dean," Cas said steadily stepping forward.

Dean fought to block the reaction his body had to that gritty voice and those damned blue eyes.

"When I first met you...or saw you...I had no idea our paths would cross like this."

Dean swallowed hard and fought to keep his thoughts clear and his face relaxed.

"You can let go for a minute, Dean. Just be you."

Dean narrowed his eyes.

Cas grinned, looking away and then back. "You are so Ranger material. How is it you haven't made your way here yet?"

Dean shrugged.

Cas sighed, stepping back again. "Anyway, the first few times I saw you...I was sure you and I would not work together. I thought...well, I don't know what I thought, I think maybe we had...a moment."

'A moment? We eye fucked several times! To which fuck is he referring to?'

"I have to say, this is a very unusual circumstance. When this op is over...I intend to pick up where I left off."

Dean guffawed. "With what exactly?"

Cas' eyes intensified, sucking Dean in like a blue magnetic whirlpool.

"I.." Dean stammered. 

"I know we have some...chemistry," Cas continued, looking at Dean expectantly.

"Okay," Dean said quietly, not sure what else to say.

"But not on the op. I have to shut that off. Shut it down."

Dean watched as Cas' eyes dilated. "I see you're struggling with that," Dean smirked.

Cas grinned. "Yeah. I am."

Dean lost all control for a moment, feeling himself blush and shy away. This guy was like nothing Dean had ever dealt with before. 

"And when we get back?" Dean asked, not sure where his boldness was coming from.

Cas licked his lips again and looked down at the floor. "When we get back, I will make sure I am never your commanding officer again."

'Never again? That's a long time. This guy wants me. Maybe as bad as I want him. Huh.'

"I was planning on asking you out when Gabe and I came up with this damn plan. Now, I'm trapped into waiting."

"Well, maybe I woulda said no," Dean said, smirking.

"Maybe," Cas almost whispered. "Maybe."

"So...the chick in the hallway?" Dean pressed. It really was bugging the shit out of him at Cas' mixed signals.

"Ah, Meg." Cas said, rubbing the back of his neck and wincing. "She's been...quite self-assertive."

"Didn't look like you were pushing her away," Dean said, trying not to sound too interested or concerned.

Cas' eyes narrowed. "I made it clear to her that I was done. It just took some...persuading."

"She your girlfriend?"

"Hardly," Cas laughed. "She's...trust me, she wanted as much out of me as I was looking for in her." Cas looked at the floor. "That sounds so trashy."

Dean raised an eyebrow. He wanted to think of Cas as a jerk for it, but he was no better himself.

"Being a Ranger has its...challenges."

Dean nodded. 'Cas is a Ranger. Don't forget it. He's off limits in a hundred ways. So what exactly is he playing at?'

"My whole point is, we had a moment. Now we have to put that aside and control it. And when we get back..."

"We'll see what we see," Dean murmured.

Cas nodded, face back to quiet.

Dean huffed. "I don't even know if we had ...a moment."

Now Cas was smirking. "Oh, okay."

"Well, I mean, I'm not really..."

Cas stepped forward, so close Dean could feel the warmth of Cas' breath, his eyes alight with intensity. "Was I wrong? Did I...misjudge the situation?"

"Shit," Dean mumbled, eyes darting to that mouth so painfully close to his.

"Did I?" Cas growled.

Dean's dick was raging. It felt like it had a life of its own, leaving Dean powerless. His breath was coming in short puffs and all he could think about was how bad he wanted to act on his emotions.

Cas grinned, his eyes dropping to Dean's mouth. 

"Did I?" Cas asked again.

"Did you...what?" Dean stammered at a loss for all ability to think.

"Did I judge you wrong?" Cas repeated, tilting his head slightly.

"Are you testing me?" Dean asked, his voice shaking slightly. "Are you seeing how far you can push my professionalism?"

"No," Cas said, breathless.

Dean swallowed and licked his lips.

A brief, quiet moan escaped Cas' mouth. "Dean, I was against this mission. Even though it was my stupid idea."

Dean smiled at that, seeing Cas lay out a perfect plan and then want to yank it because, 'because he fuckin' wants me. Bad. Dude or not. He's right about one thing. We have mad chemistry.'

Dean glanced at the door. No one was coming.

Cas stepped back, tore his eyes away from Dean and he went back around his desk and sat down. Dean's lungs filled with air again and his head cleared. He quickly pulled himself together. He sat in the chair across from him and picked up the file. 'That was a close call. Reign it in.' Dean took a deep breath. Cas was avoiding his eye now. 'I almost kissed him. Fuck. With as hard as I am, I was ready to fuck him against the wall right there. Let him bend me over this messy desk and fuck me.' Dean clamped his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He cleared his thoughts and waited for his dick to go back down before he came in his uniform just from thinking about Cas. 

He opened his eyes again, glancing at Cas. 

He was studiously avoiding him.

"Cas," Dean relented.

Cas looked up, blue eyes wide.

"You weren't wrong." 'There. I said it. Yeah, I'm interested. Now you know. Now I know.'

Cas grinned with a knowing look. "That's the last of it until we are debriefed and you have been home 24 hours. Until that time, nothing."

"Nothing." Dean nodded. Nothing.

 

Dean was prepped more, reviewed the plan, where the rest of the team would be and contingency plans reviewed.

They loaded onto a plane and took off that night. Dean hated flying. But he did it anyway. He never let fear stop him from anything. 

Dean's cover was a mechanic that worked for one of his ‘boss's' chop shops. Cas would of course do all the talking; Dean, the manual labor. They were the two main players, with Roscoe and Eldon as snipers. The rest would provide fire line and evac.

Cas handed him the satellite photo of the building they were meeting in. "Show me where we're going to be," Cas said.

Dean pointed.

"Evac 1,"

Dean traced a route, his eyes drifting shut.

"Evac 2,"

Dean traced another route, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Gee, wish I got babysat like that," Michaels said.

Dean and Cas both glared.

He smirked back at Dean, but dropped the attitude when he caught Cas' glare. Cas turned his next glare to Warren. Warren just closed his eyes and sat back in his jump seat. 

Back to the photo, Dean traced the third evac route and then the fourth. "I got it, sir."

Cas nodded. "Sleep, Winchester."

"Yeah," he said, laying his head back against the seat. He was out instantly.

 

***********************************************

 

Dean and Cas walked casually toward his contact's point. Dean was in character. It was not far from who he really was, minus all the soldier. Cas, however, was like a different person. His gait, the way his shoulders hunched, his tone, and of course, the incessant Russian. His English was in a strong Russian accent. "You been here before, Misha?" Dean asked.

"Yes. Many times." Dean interpreted the heavy Russian accent to mean at least once.

It was a dirty, poor city they were in. The weather was cold and damp. Everything was varying shades of gray. Concrete. Broken rubble. The only color he saw was the occasional graffiti on the sides of buildings. Even that was just usually black.

"Here," Cas said in his pushy, bossy persona.

Dean opened a non-descript metal door and let Cas in first. 

"Misha!" A burly man came down a set of metal steps looking pleased to see his 'friend'. They hugged and Dean was lost with all the Russian. 

At one point he jerked a thumb back at Dean. Dean waved. "Howdy."

The man nodded and the three walked over to a 67 Mustang.

Cas asked a question. The guy shrugged.

Cas turned to Dean. "This is a different car than the one he told me about." Dean could tell that Cas was hoping this wasn't going to throw Dean off. As if.

Dean nodded. "67 Mustang! She's a beauty!" Dean walked around the car, the guy watching him with amusement.

The original plan was two hours. That gave Cas the time he needed to question Anton. Dean took in the issues. As he stood at the hood, Cas and Anton approached, looking under the hood blankly.

Dean pointed at a distributor cap. "You got one?"

Cas interpreted.

"Yes," Anton grinned.

"Awesome." He pointed to a belt.

"Njet."

"Awesome." Not.

"Can you do it?"

"Yep." Dean nodded easily, scrambling in his mind how to repair the belt without replacing it.

"How long?"

Dean wagged his head back and forth, sizing up the car. Not that it mattered. The answer would be the same no matter what. "Two hours."

Cas slapped him on the back, pointing and speaking Russian. Anton laughed and gave Dean a wave. The two men left, up the metal stairs. 

Cas had referred to what he would be doing with Anton was massage interrogation. You work information out of them while making them feel good. Butter them up. Dean had no time to spare. He replaced the distributer cap, which was only a minor bastard to remove. Changed the oil, and fixed two fuses. While working on the last fuse, he quietly said, "I'm gonna have to take a walk around the block to see if I can't procure a belt." Now the fucking belt. He had half an hour. He left the garage. Changing the plan would piss them off, but Dean was not able to shit a fan belt. But he could steal one. His eyes darted everywhere as he entered a parking garage. "Bingo."

He opened the hood of one of the few American made cars in the garage and took the fan belt. He quickly walked back to the garage. 

"Clear," he heard Gadreel say in his ear.

Dean got to work. The belt was, by far, not perfect. But he could make it work with the old one and the stolen one combined. He quickly created his new part and saw he had ten minutes. He slowly installed it, looking like he was busier than he really was, waiting for Cas to emerge from the room.

"We got it," Gadreel said. Cas got whatever information he needed.

"Awesome," Dean muttered, tightening the last bolt. He shut the hood and started the car. Cas and Anton emerged from the upper office, Anton all smiles. Down the stairs they came, Anton talking about the car.

"Good job," Anton grinned, over-enunciating for English, patting Dean's shoulder.

"No problem!" Dean grinned.

"We have incoming in 5. Evac Route 3!" Gadreel's voice was loud.

Dean started heading toward the door, Cas following. Anton started speaking fast, Cas answering him as he went. Dean wrenched the back door open as the front one burst open. Three men came charging in, two guns out. Anton started yelling and everyone erupted into frantic debating, Cas had stopped, joining the fray. Dean stood with one foot out the door.

"Four entering the alley. Route 3 is a no-go."

Dean stepped back in, subtly jamming a pipe into the door, blocking it.

There was a lot of yelling and gun pointing from the three new Russians. Cas was talking fast with one hand raised defensively.

"Novak's cover is blown," Gadreel said. 

All conversation stopped. Cas' hand dropped and his shoulders opened up. He shook his head slowly, Anton looking shocked.

"Alley is clear," Gadreel said.

Dean did not move.

One of the three new arrivals that looked to be in charge took a step toward Cas. Dean moved his hand to better reach his gun. "This is not lookin good," Dean said.

"Hold," Gadreel said firmly.

'I'm gonna be holding my own intestines in about ten seconds.'

Cas said something, Anton yelled 'no' and the guy shot Anton in the head.

He dropped to the floor, dead and Cas turned an angry scowl onto them.

"Who went down?" Gadreel rasped.

"Anton," Dean said under his breath.

"Damnit!" 

"Route 1 and 2 are a no-go. 3 is open with expected resistance. 4 is a no-go. Get the hell outta there."

Dean did not move. One of the men had his eyes on him. Dean was not sure he could out-draw the gun already aimed at him. The head guy chuckled at Cas' wrathful face. He talked more and Cas answered, arms opening and he paced slightly, stopping closer to Dean. He was edging for the door. 

The third guy went back to the front door to look for someone. The lead guy turned to look at him talking, the gunman on Dean looked at the lead guy.

A loud bang rang through the bay as Cas shot the lead and Dean shot the guy near him simultaneously. The guy at the front door dropped next with one shot to the head and the other to his heart.

"Clear," Dean said, Cas turning on him. Dean wrenched the pipe out of the door and they fled through the alley, guns raised.

"Two around the next corner," Gadreel said. 

Cas stopped, Dean stopping short behind him. Dean caught a slight movement up on the roof line as Roscoe crept into range like a silent spider. Two tiny sounds and Dean heard two bodies hit the ground.

"Clear," Gadreel said. 

They proceeded around the corner, running quietly.

"Hold!" Gadreel called, both men stopping abruptly. 

"Bird"

"Jesus," Dean swore, glancing at Cas. He was watching both sides of the road they needed to cross.

"We can not engage."

"Damnit," Cas swore, looking irritated.

"Route 4 opened."

Cas and Dean exchanged a look and nodded, taking off down the street. Shots fired behind them, then disappeared. Roscoe must have got them.

Through the labyrinth of buildings and streets, they ducked. 

Static could be heard on their coms.

"They're jamming us," Cas said.

They dodged into a thin alley. Dean could reach both brick walls at the same time, it was so tight. As they approached the corner, slowing, Cas retracted his step out, spinning and grabbing Dean by the shirt, pushing him into the brick wall. Dean furrowed his brow but said nothing. Cas locked eyes with him, Dean nodding. Cas stayed all but pressed against him in the impossibly narrow alley and raised his gun. Dean heard a noise and looked the opposite direction. He could hear someone coming, but he had no idea if they were a target or just a town person. He slowed his heart rate down, feeling Cas breathe slow and steady. Their coms fizzed unhelpful in their ears.

Cas' hand tightened slightly on Dean's shirt.

"How many?"

"Five," Cas said tightly.

Dean pulled out his second gun, holding it along the brick wall, not looking, not taking his eyes off the opposite end of the alley. Dean had both arms out, flat against the wall, Cas taking up the rest of the space in front of him. Cas only had one gun and used his eyes on the other end.

"I need some fucking back up if you can hear me," Cas said through gritted teeth to the fizzing com.

Dean's eyes darted to Cas' for a split second. 

"Ready," Cas said.

"Yes."

Cas breathed out, signifying he was about to squeeze his trigger, Dean did the same, eyes locked in the opposite direction.

"Fire," Cas said, Dean squeezed his unwatched trigger. Bullets hit randomly into the opposite wall, chunks of plaster raining down on them. 

A man with a gun came around the corner Dean was watching and he dropped him instantly.

"Fire!" Cas yelled and Dean squeezed his trigger as they shot the next two armed men that had come around the corner. 

No more came around either corner. Cas waved toward the end he had been watching and Dean followed.

Shots rang out elsewhere.

They proceeded, stalking down the street.

"Run two blocks, proceed left to pick up," Gadreel's voice rang out.

Both men broke into a run, dodging left around the corner to a cargo vehicle idling at the end of the block.

Both slid in, the vehicle waiting. Roscoe dove in behind them, coming from another direction.

The vehicle took off and no one said a word.

Cas' mouth was a tight thin line. His eyes were squinted and piercing.

"Sir," Gadreel turned around from the front seat, "all accounted for."

"Rodger."

Gadreel turned back around, facing forward.

Dean sat back against the seat, pressed tight to the door and to Cas. Cas felt like an iron rod next to him.

The vehicle left town and they met their chopper. No one said a word.

On the plane back to the states, tensions were tight. Cas was silent as a stone. Dean felt his part was as flawless as possible. He was confident with his part.

 

Back to Fort Benning and the stuffy heat of summer in the South. The team was taken straight into briefing with Gabe.

Each person gave an uncontested account of events. Gabe's countenance grew stormy with Warren, who blamed his mistake on faulty tech. It was he that missed the initial three gaining entrance on the contact.

"Captain Novak," Gabe said, "Would you like to address Warren."

"Yes, sir," Cas said, standing, his laser blue eyes zeroing in on Warren.

Dean was impressed and annoyingly aroused with Cas' wrath. Warren dodged like a scared, trapped rabbit, then finally admitted that he had dropped the ball. Why he had dropped the ball would be further investigated.

A Specialist drove Dean home. He was under orders to be off work the following day to 'de-compress'.

He had 16 texts from Charlie, 4 from Benny, and 2 from Sam.

He texted Sam, saying he was having a busy week. All was good and how was he.

He texted Benny, telling him he was back and all went well. He would be at work in two days.

He copied the message and sent it to Charlie. His phone blipped immediately.

Charlie- Dude! WTF??

Dean- No can do Charlie.

Charlie- Okay. Take it easy.

Dean closed his app and flopped onto his couch. So that was special ops. 

Dean took a shower and went to bed, tossing and turning.


	4. FUBAR

Chapter 4. FUBAR

 

The next afternoon, Dean could not sit still any longer. He headed for Chattahoochee Riverwalk. It was a park that hugged the river for 15 miles. It was a pleasant, off-post place to run. He lost his thoughts taking in the scenery and the people. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he slowed down to check it.

Novak- Coffee?

Dean snickered, his heart rate jumped and he let it. 

Dean- I'm at the Riverwalk, running.

Novak- I know.

Dean looked around, seeing Cas heading his way with a coffee cup in each elbow and his phone in his hands.

"Damn," Dean swore under his breath. He was wearing grey and black running shorts and a grey Army t-shirt, and sneakers. His hair was just fucking delicious.

Dean smiled at the wide grin on Cas' face.

"Hey," Dean called, pocketing his phone and jogging the distance between them. 

"Hello, Dean," he said, handing him an iced coffee. "I took a chance with an iced coffee. It's hot out here."

Dean took a drink. "That's good," he grinned.

They walked closer to the water, sitting on a bench.

"I run here a lot," Cas said.

Dean nodded. "I like to. Today I had the time..so."

"You ran past me back by the fountain, so I circled ahead and bought coffee."

Dean chuckled. Freakin Rangers.

A long pleasant silence stretched between them as they watched the water.

Cas leaned forward, elbows on his knees and turned back to Dean. "You doing okay today?"

"Yeah," Dean answered flatly.

Cas sat back, propping one elbow on the back of the bench between them. "I feel like I need to apologize for such a shitty op."

Dean smirked. "It was messy."

Cas nodded. 

"It wasn't your fault," Dean said, sipping his drink.

"I'm team leader. Every piece is my responsibility."

The pair sat quietly for a moment. Dean wanted to reassure Cas that he had done everything perfectly. It had been Warren that screwed up. But being a team leader made you responsible. Dean had been team leader on missions and practice missions. There really was nothing he could say. Instead, he watched as the breeze off the river lazily toyed with several locks of hair over Cas' forehead.

Dean looked at his watch. "Wanna get some lunch?"

Cas' eyes re-focused as he squinted in the sunlight. "I would...but I really need a shower."

Dean nodded.

"Dinner?" Cas asked.

Dean licked his bottom lip. 'Dinner. That's a date. He told me when we got back he was picking up where he had left off. Am I really gonna do this? A date? He's an officer. He's a freakin Ranger.'

"Uh, yeah."

Cas nodded. "My place? I'll cook."

Dean huffed a laugh. "Does that come with some sort of bizarre test? And a side of Gabriel?"

Cas laughed, beautiful lines crinkling the corners of his eyes. It made Dean's stomach bubble. "No! No tests, no Gabe."

Dean had to laugh. He was adorable. How could someone be bad-ass and adorable equally. 

Cas pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number.

"Hey, wanna come over tonight? Well, too bad. Don't. Gabriel, if you show up, I'll shoot you. Fuck you. Maybe. No."

Dean squinted, only vaguely guessing what the rest of that conversation sounded like.

"Gabriel. You'd look like such an ass getting shot. 'Major gets shot on own base for breaking and entering'. Right. Night."

Cas clicked the phone off, looking at Dean.

"You're such a dick," Dean laughed.

"Well, I'm honest."

They parted ways, finishing their runs and heading to their own houses. 

 

Dean showered and deliberated over what to wear. His phone buzzed. He checked the screen. 

Novak- :/

Dean's brow furrowed.

Dean- ?

Dean- what's up?

Dean- you there?

Dean was dressed and sitting in his living room. No response from Cas. Just the...what was that anyway? A mad face? A frown? He had a sinking feeling that Cas had been called in to work. He tapped the blank phone to his chin and got up. He headed to Cas' house anyway.

The house was dark. He walked around back, peeking in the French door. Food was sitting on the counter. A pepper chopped and part of an onion cut. A pot sat on the stove, no steam coming from it. He knocked. Nothing. Cas must have gotten called in.

Dean went home. An emptiness filled him that he usually never let bother him. He wished Charlie were here. For the first time, Dean thought about getting out of the Army.

He cracked open a beer and called his brother. He needed a dose of moose to make it through the evening.

 

Two days later, still no Cas. Dean headed to the Roadhouse to meet up with Benny. They split a pitcher of beer and each ordered burgers and fries. A friend of Benny's stopped by the table with a friend.

"Well, join us, ladies," Benny grinned.

The brunette sat next to him and the blonde sat next to Dean.

"Hi there," she grinned with paper white teeth and twisting a long, thick lock of blonde around a finger.

Dean put on his charming grin. "Hello, there."

"You have such green eyes," she giggled, dropping a shoulder flirtatiously.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean's head snapped around. He knew that gravely voice anywhere. "Cas!"

Cas was leaning on the table, next to Benny and Dean, eyes as intense as ever. A small healing cut ran along his hairline close to his left ear and his knuckles showed signs of recent fighting.

"You're back," Dean said, wanting the rest of the bar to disappear.

"I am." His blue eyes shifted over to the blonde with a look of bored distaste and Dean had to stifle a grin.

"Cas, this is Benny, Cindy, and Cassie."

"Aw, Cas and Cassie!" The blonde giggled.

Dean smiled back at Cas, who only looked at her blankly.

"I'm gonna go order another beer," Dean said, getting up, Cas moving back to allow him room. "Want a beer, Cas?" Dean asked, nodding his head in the direction of the bar.

Cas blinked and followed him. They weaved through the busy crowd and leaned against the bar. The bartender lifted his chin at Dean. "A Miller," Dean looked at Cas, "and whatever he wants."

Cas' eyes lingered briefly, making Dean blush. "A Miller is fine."

"So I take it that mad face means you got called to duty."

"Yes. It seemed appropriate."

Dean grinned. There was something about the Ranger that always made him chuckle. His inane mix of innocent, endearing awkwardness with streaks of bad-ass was enigmatic.

"Looks like you saw some action," Dean said, stopping himself from touching Cas' hand.

"My contact is dead. The thing is a fucking mess. I spent months on that guy. Now I've got nothing." The far away look in his eye gave away how tired he was.

Dean nodded. He took the two beers and paid for them, handing Cas one.

"Come have a beer. Then you should go home and rest, man, you look tired."

They headed back toward the table.

"I did not mean to interrupt your...date," Cas said.

Dean stopped, turned to Cas. "Yeah, I think you did," he smirked. "But it's not a date. I don't even know that chick."

Dean started walking again.

"Well, she seems rather interested in you."

Dean chuckled again and turned back, just before sitting down, "Then I guess you have some competition. You can handle a little competition, right?"

Cas' eyes widened slightly and a grin lifted one corner of his mouth.

Dean sat down. Cas pulled up a chair next to Dean. 

"What? You didn't get me a drink?" Cassie giggled, slapping playfully at Dean's arm.

"Just me," Cas said raising his beer with a facetious smile.

As the evening ticked by, Cas stole Dean's attention more and more. Benny straddled between the guys and the girls with his usual southern charm.

"Would you like to dance?" Cassie asked, rubbing a hand down Dean's upper arm.

Cas looked down shyly. "I'm gonna head home, I'm pretty tired."

"Yeah," Dean said. He looked at Cassie's hopeful and very pretty smile. "No dancing for me, thanks." To the table in general he said, "I'm callin’ it a night too. I'm beat."

He said good nights with everyone and walked out with Cas.

The parking lot was dim and hazy with humidity.

Cas stopped at his car, Dean stopping as well. Cas crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against his door.

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm glad you're back. And okay."

Cas looked up at him with a slightly surprised smile. "Thanks."

"I was...starting to worry."

Cas grinned more assuredly, "Don't worry about me, Dean."

Dean nodded. He wanted to close the space between them and kiss him. He wanted to. But Cas was obviously fresh off a mission and needing space. He wanted to hold him and... He took a deep breath, shaking himself. Yes, he was interested. Yes, Cas was interested. But tonight was not that night.

Dean pulled his eyes up to meet Cas'. "Goodnight, Cas," Dean said low.

"Goodnight," Cas said back, just as low.

 

Two days later, Dean got a text from Cas.

Novak- Want to try dinner again? My house tonight?

Dean- sounds great. What can I bring?

Novak- Just yourself. 1800.

Dean- See you then.

Dean had to laugh at himself. He had no business pursuing anything with Captain Castiel Novak, freakin' Ranger. 

 

An hour after his text from Cas, Dean closed the door to the AMEV he had been working on. Garth came jogging up to him. 

"Sir, there's a Captain Novak here that wants Major Gabriel's jeep inspected. Can I fit him into the schedule? Or should I tell him to go?"

"You don't tell a Captain in a Major's jeep to go, Fitz. I'll be right there."

"Yes, sir." Garth ran back and Dean got a tight twist in his stomach. Cas was going out of his way to find him every chance he got. 

"Cole!"

"Sir!"

"Take this AMEV back to Medical. It's fixed."

"Yes, sir."

"Jo!"

"Sir!"

"Come with me."

Jo put down the wrench in her hand and fell in step behind Dean. "Major Gabriel's jeep needs inspected. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, sir," she said with a tone of 'of course I can handle it but I don't have time for this shit.'

Dean rounded the jeep, Cas standing there patiently.

"Morning, Sir," Dean said, smiling.

"Sorry about this," Cas said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I just realized the tags are expired."

"No problem," Dean grinned wider. "Jo,” he tossed her the keys from Cas’ hand and Jo took the jeep into the garage.

"Thank you for squeezing me in. Fer would have my ass if he realized I let that happen."

"Fer...Major, right?"

"Yeah. Lucious Fer. Gabriel calls him Luci. To his face even."

"Luci...Fer, oh, Lucifer!, Ha! Gabriel's crazy. The shit he gets away with!"

Cas grinned. 

"So, you just couldn't wait til dinner, huh?"

Cas grinned ruefully. "This was very necessary!"

Dean laughed seeing Cas pushed into shy mode. "Sure, sure. See you at 1800."

Cas nodded, watching Dean walk back into the garage. 

 

By 1600, he was ready to head home and clean up before going to Cas'.

He had to laugh at himself for whistling through his shower. 

As he dried off, his phone buzzed. He swiped the screen and saw the one thing he did not want to see.

Novak- :/

Dean tossed the phone onto the bed. "So much for dinner. Ever. Damnit!" 

He called Charlie.

"Hey, wanna stay in tonight?"

"Sure. Come over. I have burgers. Bring beer. Oh! And chips!"

"Sure."

By the time Dean was done at the PX, there were 8 people at Charlie's house. She had kept calling him to add things to bring. Dean had not felt like a crowd, but whatever. Fuck it. 

"I thought you had plans tonight," Charlie said, taking bags from his hands.

"I did. Fell through."

Charlie tilted her head inquisitively. "What were your plans again?"

"Nice try," Dean laughed.

"Ooohhh," she nodded her head and winked an eye. "Rangerific?"

"Shut up, Charlie," Dean said, grouchy by this point.

"Ha! So, you actually are gonna go out with him?" She asked quieter.

Dean shrugged his shoulders.

"It's just so...crazy, with him being an officer."

"Well, I hang out with you, so there."

"True...we're so bad!" She laughed.

"Whatever. The guy is insanely busy. It won't amount to anything."

"I saw he was at the car pool today."

"For an inspection," Dean said, unwrapping a bag of onions to start cutting. 

"Mm. Well, remember I told you I wanted you to meet a friend of mine?"

"Yeah," Dean tried not to sound disappointed in her lack of support for Cas.

"Well, she's here. I'll introduce you. Come on!"

Dean abandoned the onion, grabbed a case of beer and followed Charlie outside.

"Her name's Anna," Charlie said, "she's an E5, like you, and she's gorgeous."

"Wonderful," Dean grumped, sitting the case next to the cooler Dorothy was filling.

"Hey, Flying Monkey," he said giving her a quick hug.

"Hey Grease Monkey," she grinned, hugging him back.

"Glad to see you're back here with Charlie," Dean said, handing beer two at a time to Dorothy as she continued loading the cooler. "Yeah," she said bitterly, "I still have my own place. But we have witnesses, so that makes it fine per DOMA. Fuckers."

Dean shook his head. It just didn't make sense. The military was supposed to be open to gay marriages. This bullshit about them fraternizing was just an excuse.

Charlie waved him on and he sighed. 

"Anna, I wanted to introduce you to a friend of mine." A beautiful red-head turned away from a game of lawn darts. Her frame was lean and willowy with long, fire red hair and big hazel eyes.

"Anna, this is Dean, Dean, Anna."

"Nice to meet you," Dean said shaking her hand gently, feeling her slim hand like a bird's wing.

"Nice to meet you, Dean," she smiled. "Want to be my partner for the next game?"

"Sure," Dean said.

The evening passed in pleasant conversation and relaxed atmosphere. It was dark and the tiki torches were lit as they sat around the patio shooting the breeze. He had spent a better part of the evening with Anna. She was easy to be with.

Dean rotated his beer bottle in his fingers, deep in thought as Dorothy recounted a story he had heard before.

He had been so nervously-excited to try to start something with Cas. But he was a guy. And while he could not deny how attracted he was to him, things would be simpler if he were not a guy. Like Anna. And if he were not an officer. Like Anna. She was the same rank as him. This should be so easy. She's hot. It's not like he and Cas were dating. They couldn't even get their shit together enough to have dinner. 

His thoughts were interrupted when Anna stood up and said she had to go. 

Should he ask her out? She seemed really nice. Maybe too nice for him. But an E5...he could get serious with. 

Would Cas even care? He seemed like he wanted in his pants, that was for sure, but beyond that...he was a Ranger. Rangers were great soldiers, but difficult to date. At least that was what he had always heard.

"I'm gonna head out too," Dean said abruptly, getting to his feet and following Anna out to her car.

"It was nice meeting you, Dean," she said.

"You too. Uh, maybe we can go out for dinner some time."

She smiled widely. "That would be great!"

She gave him her number and they waved an awkward goodbye.

Dean drove back to his place. He was so tired of coming home alone. It was dark and so quiet. "Maybe I should get a dog."

He flopped onto his bed, looking at his phone one last time. 

He was learning to hate that mad face. If he was honest with himself, he would admit he was greatly disappointed. But anger was easier. Less needy. "You snooze, you lose, buddy." He was angry Cas was so unavailable. And what was the point? He's an officer! They are not allowed to date! Anna was available in every way possible. He scrolled down to her number.

Dean- Dinner Thursday night at the Roadhouse?

Anna- Yes! 1800?

Dean- Perfect

Dean clicked his phone off and put it on a charger. "Now, if she doesn't give me any frown faces or frown texts, then I will finally be getting somewhere."

'So there, Ranger, if you can't be around, I can't wait. Anna is great. And my rank. And'...Dean sighed heavily. 'And she is not you.'

There was more than a physical attraction to Cas. And that was undeniable. But it was impossible. Even Charlie, who he thought he could count on for being all about him dating a guy, was hung up on the rank thing. 

 

Three days later, it was Thursday. Dean had been edgier and edgier as the days went by. Cas had texted that he was back. Dean had replied, but barely. And then nothing. No texts. No calls. And Dean had to let it go. There was no way he should care so much about a relationship that never existed to begin with. 

He got to the roadhouse just on time and sat at a table with Anna. She was sweet and carried the conversation easily. She worked in medical and was partially through college. 

"I just learned in my anatomy class all the names of the muscles in the forearm." She reached over and took his hand, turning his palm up. Her touch was feather light. 

"This is the Brachioradialis," she ran two fingers down from his elbow where his flannel shirt was rolled. "And this," she palpated gently and traced a line down to his wrist, "is your Flexor Carpi Radialis." Her fingers left little tingling lines on his arm and he grinned at her flirtatiously.

"Hello, Dean." Dean jerked his head up and yanked his hand back from Anna.

"Cas."

"Hello, Anna," Cas said, giving her a cursory nod.

"Hello, Castiel. How have you been?" She asked politely, but not too enthusiastically.

Cas huffed. "Busy. Dean, a word, please?"

Dean glared at him slightly. It felt like Cas popped in and popped out of his life. When he was there, he felt every move, every look, every bit of him reacting to him. And when he was gone, he was just fucking nowhere. The roller coaster of it was making him angry.

"I'm kinda busy here, Cas, why don't you just call when you have time."

Cas' lips pressed together. His face gave nothing away. Dean hoped the jab made him feel bad. Cas could have called. He could have texted more when he was back. And he had no right busting in on every date he had.

Cas nodded and walked away. Dean watched him walk to the bar and sit down. His mouth was still firmly set. 

"You know Castiel?" Anna interrupted his thoughts.

"Not real well," Dean mumbled. 'Why do I feel like the asshole? He disappears, doesn't call...Jesus, I sound like a whiney housewife!'

"How do you know him?" Dean asked, dragging his eyes back to Anna.

She shrugged. "We dated. Briefly."

Dean sat back a bit. "Dated?"

"Yeah," she laughed, "I mean we went out a few times. Nothing came of it. He's...very aloof."

Dean nodded. Of course he was aloof. He's a Ranger. A Human Intelligence Collector. You can't have a job like that and be Mr. Happy-go-lucky all the time. 'Damnit. I am an asshole. But why would I potentially strap myself to that? Because he's...Cas. Shit.'

"Will you give me a few minutes," Dean said, seeing Cas get up and head for the restroom. "I just need to sort some shit out with him."

"Okay," she said, looking a bit surprised as he jumped up and headed for the bathrooms.

It was still early and the bar was not too busy yet. Dean had no idea what exactly he was going to say to Cas, but that undeniable draw was there. 

He pushed the bathroom door open as Cas was walking away from the urinals. He went to the sink and began washing his hands, seeing Dean, but not saying anything. 

Dean walked up beside him, the only other person in there drying his hands and leaving. "Cas. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like such a dick back there."

"Yes you did," Cas said matter-of-factly.

Dean sighed. "Fine, well, I'm sorry."

Cas sighed. "It's fine. Enjoy your date."

Now, there was some bitterness.

Dean smirked. That meant he did give a shit.

"She said you two dated."

"Dated?" Cas looked at Dean now, hands dry. "We hooked up a couple times."

"You slept with her?" Dean asked.

"Does it matter?" He asked, eyes piercing.

"Yeah. Maybe." Dean crossed his arms over his chest, giving Cas a glaring stare.

Cas chuckled. "Well, that's your problem."

Dean's jaw dropped slightly before he clamped it shut. "You're a real dick, ya know that?"

"Yeah," Cas sighed, deflating somewhat. "Goes with the job."

Dean squinted his eyes in thought, Cas following suit, locking in a stare. There was something familiar with this conversation. It was the one he gave chicks when he needed to back out. He couldn't commit. Cas was brushing him off. Dean bristled at the thought. Not just that he was the one getting the brush-off, but that Cas was freaking out with their possibly dating. 

Dean took a deep breath. He stepped closer to Cas. "I don't care what your job entails. I can see right through you. If you can't handle dating, then don't waste my time." 

Cas' face began to flush. 

"If you're too scared to handle it, I get it." Dean grinned at how rattled Cas looked. "You don't call, I'm gonna go lookin' elsewhere. You wanna be assholes about this? I can be an asshole."

Every word ratcheted up Dean's heart rate. The more rattled Cas became, the braver Dean forged on. And every second found the blood rushing south, bulging tight in his jeans. "You can just fucking-" 

The word seemed to unleash Cas. He grabbed Dean hard by the upper arms and kissed him even harder. Dean felt his back hit the door before he even realized he had moved. Cas' lips were hard, hot and forceful. Dean fisted his hands in the t-shirt Cas wore, down by his hips, pressing his palms into his hips. Dean gasped for a breath and opened up to Cas, letting him delve in. The deepening kiss was escorted with his hips grinding into his and the long, hot feel of Cas' cock through his jeans, rubbing against Dean's. The contact made Cas groan and his hands slid up into dean's hair. His kiss softened and slowly he pulled his mouth away. Dean opened his eyes, sure his matched Cas' blown pupils and slight bewilderment.

"Fuck," Cas mumbled.

Dean just breathed, gaining some composure back.

"I can't," Cas said, stepping back, hands and hips leaving Dean cold against the door.

Dean clenched his jaw. The kiss had rocked his world. Never before had he been turned on so hard so fast.

"Dean," Cas' eyes widened as he stepped back. "I want to...I just can't."

Dean nodded a bitter understanding.

Cas put a hand over his mouth as if cradling it.

Dean leaned away from the door, standing on his own. 

"I can't, Dean."

"You said that," Dean said flatly, bringing his breathing back to normal. 

"I'm being drug deeper and deeper into this fucked up mess since I lost my contact," Cas ran a hand back through his hair and turned away from Dean. "I know I'm going back. And..." His mouth opened and closed.

"Cas," Dean said gently, his anger draining away at the amount of stress he could see between the cracks of Cas' cool facade.

"NO," Cas said harshly. "Just forget it. I gotta go."

Cas dodged around Dean, wrenching the door open and left. He left. Dean leaned on a sink, taking in what had happened. The kiss was...Dean took a deep breath. The kiss was enough to damn near make him come in his pants. And he knew Cas was struggling with something. He didn't know him well, but tonight he was different. And his hands and even his head had shown signs that things had not gone well on his last op. He had fought someone. Dean wanted to help him. Wanted to ask what had happened. But he did not want to push too hard. 'Give him the night to sort himself out. Go see him tomorrow.'

A man walked in the bathroom door, bringing Dean back to the present. "Shit!" He had left Anna for quite a while. 

Dean looked at his reflection. He looked the same. So, why did he feel so completely different?

He straightened his shirt and headed for the table with Anna.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah," Dean grinned, looking down at his fries. His stomach clenched. "No, actually. I'm gonna have to cut our evening short, Anna. I'm sorry."

"Is something going on with Castiel?" She asked.

"Why?"

"He left. In a rush. I've never seen him...look that emotional. The guys like a robot."

"No, he's not," Dean said, regretting it. "It's work stuff and it's classified. So..."

She nodded.

"Well, thank you for the meal. And the conversation." Anna picked up her purse. "Call me sometime," she smiled.

"Thanks, and sorry, again," Dean said, taking the check and heading for the bar. He really just wanted to go home. He wanted to drive to Cas' house, but he fought the urge.

Once he was in the sanctuary of his own car, he deflated. "What the fuck are you doing, Dean?" He yelled at himself, hitting the steering wheel. "He's a fucking Ranger! Butt out! He can take care of himself."


	5. About-face

Chapter 5. About-face

 

The next morning, Dean texted Cas. He had thought about him all night. He felt bad for not saying more when the guy was obviously in the midst of something. He got no response. He left half an hour early for work and drove to Cas' house. No one appeared to be home. 'Damn, I missed him already.''

After work he tried again. No one home.

Dean went home and called Jason. Jason had not seen Gabe that day. Chances were, they were on a mission somewhere. A gnawing, sinking feeling nagged at Dean.

Late that night, he sent a text.

Dean- I don't care when you get this. Please let me know you are home.

 

The next day was a repeat. No Cas.

The next night, Dean drove to the Roadhouse to see if Gabe was there. No Gabe. No Rangers. Dean did not even stay for a drink. He went back home. The nagging feeling in his stomach grew hourly. 

The next evening Dean went back to Cas' house. Gabriel was standing in the driveway, hands on hips with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth. He appeared to be supervising someone mowing Cas' yard. Dean pulled over and walked up to Gabriel.

"Evening, sir," Dean said, since they were on post, and the guy mowing was in uniform.

"Evening, Sergeant."

Dean watched as Private Hodge rounded a bush neatly. "This a new punishment?"

"Not new for me," Gabe grinned.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asked, unable to keep up pretenses.

Gabe's face tightened. "On an op, Sergeant Winchester."

The title was as good as saying 'shut up, you have no right to ask'.

Dean nodded. "When can I expect he'll be back, sir?"

Gabe's jaw clenched. He pulled the small white stick out of his mouth and looked at the ground. "I don't know. Soon. I hope."

'Shit! Did they leave him somewhere? Is he on a long-term op? He could be gone for years! Was he behind enemy lines? Compromised? Caught? Taken prisoner? Gabe looked worried. Angry, even. Cas said he was having a hard time with the entire situation since his contact was killed.' He felt sick. He wiped a hand across his forehead and glanced back at Gabe.

"Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Sir."

Gabe nodded. "There is nothing you can do." Gabe turned to him with a curious scan. That same piercing effect that Cas could conjure, making you feel like he could read your very thoughts. "I'll bring him home soon."

Dean nodded. He left before he threw up on the Major's boots.

 

At home, he paced and drank. He texted Cas.

Dean- I know you are not getting this text right now...but I'm so worried. Where are you?

Dean- call me when you can. Day or night. Just need to know you are ok.

He paced again, putting the phone in his bedroom so he couldn't text anything else and sound even more pathetic than he did.

 

Two days later, Dean was folding laundry at home, watching American Ninja Warrior, when his phone buzzed.

Charlie- Coming over to have lasagna with us?

Dean- Over in 15 minutes

Charlie- bring some shaky cheese.

Dean- Parmesan, you nut.

Charlie- yeah that!

Cas- I'm home.

Dean froze. The tiny text threw him off.

Dean- would you like company?

Cas- yes

Dean- I'm cancelling dinner. Something came up.

Charlie- aw :(( does it have blue eyes???

Dean smirked but did not reply to Charlie. he had no idea what to expect from Cas. He could be his usual unpredictable self, or he could be coming off a mission in bad shape. Dean's hands shook as he folded his last t-shirt and grabbed his keys.

 

Dean pulled up to Cas' house. It was quiet and there was no Gabe there. That was a bonus. Dean knocked on the door. Nothing. He knocked again. 'Please don't have left again! Why can't the two of us get a friggin minute?!' 

Dean had his hand on the knob when it turned and Cas pulled the door open.

Dean's mouth went dry and bile rose in his stomach.   
Cas stepped back and Dean came in. He closed the door gently.

"Cas," Dean whispered. The left side of Cas' face was swollen and purple with bruises. His lower lip was slightly swollen and split. His right hand was swollen with all four fingers individually wrapped and braced. He looked smaller, somehow. Tired. Beaten. 

Tears sprang to Dean's eyes to see him this way. He was freshly showered and smelled of soap and honey.

"Fraid I won't be good company...but thanks for coming over."

Rank, protocol, their topsy-turvey history were gone. Dean reacted on pure emotion of the moment.  
He reached forward with both hands, taking Cas' face gently between them. "Cas, what happened? Who did this?"

A bitter look crossed his battered face. "The Russians."

Dean pulled him into a careful hug. Cas stood there, frozen. "This is the part where you hug me back, bud," he whispered, laughing softly. His eyes slid shut as Cas' hands came to his back.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay," Dean said, holding him firm. "No talking about it. Yet. I just...need to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine," Cas lied.

"Okay." Dean pulled back and took him by his unbandaged hand. "Do you watch much TV?"

"No."

"Okay, movies."

"No."

Dean led Cas into his living room with the plain walls and comfortable couch. He led Cas to sit at one end of the couch.

"Are you hungry?"

"No," Cas said quietly.

"Thirsty?"

Cas flinched. "No."

Dean squatted in front of him. "Cas, what do you want? Anything? Just name it."

Cas relaxed a bit. "I just don't want to be alone."

Dean schooled his face into nonchalance. Something bad had happened. "I'm gonna make us a snack. You don't have to eat it, but it'll be there if you do."

Cas nodded.

He went to the kitchen to look around. He came back to the living room with a tray of grapes, crackers, cheese, glasses of water and mugs of coffee. "Figured you could eat what you want."

Cas was in the exact position he had left him in, sitting stiffly on the couch.

"I don't want any water," Cas said angrily.

Dean picked up both glasses of ice water and took them back to the kitchen. Something must have happened with liquids. Cold liquids. Water, maybe. A tight knot of panic fisted in his chest.

Dean came back and picked up the TV remote. He turned the TV on and went to the guide.

"What sounds tolerable? The Simpsons, the Flash, home shopping, Murder She Wrote, the Big Bang Theory,"

"Big Bang," Cas said weakly.

Dean clicked it and set the volume at medium. He looked around, seeing no blankets. He went to Cas' room and picked up a throw blanket from a chair. He laid it on the couch.

"I've never sat on my couch before," Cas said.

"Ah, you're a recliner guy. But now you have someone to sit with. Okay?"

Cas nodded. 

Dean herded Cas into a more comfortable position and pulled his shoes off. He kicked his own off and sat next to him, covering Cas with the blanket.

"It's comfortable."

"Yeah! Your doors are all locked. I can leave whenever you want me to," Dean said as he got Cas settled in and comfortable. He had been around enough PTSD to know to make the person feel safe, secure, and that they were in control. Dean sat close by, but only Cas' feet were touching Dean's leg. He put a hand on Cas' lower leg and squeezed gently as Cas relaxed into the couch. An entire episode later, Cas reached out and got some cheese and crackers. He sipped his luke-warm coffee and had a grape.

"Raj and that friggin dog crack me up," Dean said.

Cas grinned. "Stewart is my favorite."

"Who?" Dean asked.

"The comic store owner. The one that no one remembers his name," Cas chuckled.

"Oh yeah, I know who you mean," Dean laughed because the character was forgettable. 

Cas was sitting up now, their shoulders touching occasionally. They laughed at Sheldon's look of anxiety and the show went to commercial break.

"Can I get you anything?" Dean asked.

"No," Cas smiled slightly. "Thank you for coming over."

"Any time, Cas," Dean said softly, watching as Cas stood and went to the bathroom.

When he returned, his eyes were more alert than before. That I'm-living-my-own-personal-hell glaze was gone. It made Dean grin.

"What?" Cas chuckled.

"Nothin. As rough as you look, you still look hot as hell."  
Dean blushed at his own forwardness and Cas laughed shyly. 

"Gee, thanks. You like to be the knight in shining armor, I suppose." He sat back on the couch next to Dean.

Dean's smile sobered slightly. "Not always. Everyone needs rescued from time to time."

Cas smiled sadly, Dean mirroring it. Dean leaned forward, kissing Cas very softly.

He pulled back and Cas' eyes were bright with want. He leaned in again, careful of his injuries. Their lips met softly, warm and moist. They both cupped the back of the other's head. Cas opened his mouth first and Dean ventured in, gently. 

Inside he was raging to strip the man down and fuck his brains out, but that was no where near happening tonight.  
He pulled back, looking at Cas again. Cas reached up and ran a thumb over Dean's bottom lip. The drag of his thumb made Dean's dick jump. He was probably wiping blood off, since Cas' lip re-opened. Dean ran his thumb over Cas' lip, wiping blood off. 

"Sorry," Cas whispered.

"I'm not," Dean whispered back, earning a smile from Cas.  
The pair maneuvered into a very cozy position on the couch, Dean behind Cas as they watched another Big Bang episode. Dean, being behind Cas, had one arm under his head and the other wrapped lightly around his waist. Like it had a mind of its own, he found himself touching, feeling, lightly rubbing Cas' hair, his arm, his abs. It was heavenly. Whether Cas could feel Dean's erection pressing into the ass of his jeans, he did not know. Eventually his hormones subsided. Cas fell asleep and Dean just held him.

He turned the TV off around 2300. Cas had been sleeping for two hours by then.

At 0200, Dean woke to Cas fidgeting and sweaty.

"Cas," he whispered. 

He felt Cas' body stiffen as he woke. Cas sat up, rubbing his forehead with his good hand.

Dean reached up and ran a hand over his back, feeling his damp shirt and the muscular back beneath it.

"Dean," Cas muttered in a deeper, more gravely voice than usual. Hearing his name like that alerted every cell in his body. "I didn't mean to keep you up all night."

"I wasn't up. I was quite comfortable and sound asleep until just a minute ago."

Cas turned, smiling.

"What do you need?" Dean asked.

"Nothing...I was dreaming. And my hand hurts like a son of a bitch."

Dean scooted up and got to his feet. "You have medicine for that. Want one?" Dean had seen the pill bottles on the kitchen counter last night. Vicatin and Xanax. "Have you taken any?"

"No."

"Oh, one of those patients."

Cas stood and followed Dean to the kitchen. 

Dean opened the bottle and poured out one pill.

"Dry? Or do you want something to swallow that with?" A grin teased at his mouth and Cas took the pill, swallowing it.

"You are so stubborn, aren't you?" Dean grinned.

"Quite."

Cas leaned against the counter putting his bandaged hand on his chest. Dean came over and ran a hand down his unbruised cheek. "I'm so sorry, Cas. Whatever happened, I wish I could have been there."

"No...I mean, I'm glad you weren't there."

Dean took a steadying breath. "Cas, what happened to your hand?"

Cas looked away, rubbing at his wrist and palm. "I was...detained. Questioned."

Dean wanted to pummel someone. "How did they get you?"

"Fucking Warren. He's gone. Dishonorable discharge. Whatever. They got me and Gadreel. But we both held out just fine."

"Held out? How long did they have you?"

Cas' eyes came back to meet with Dean's. "Just under 48 hours. They were just getting started."

"And someone broke your fingers?" Dean asked.

"One by one," Cas said with a far away look.

Dean put his hand back up to Cas' face, rubbing his thumb lightly over his cheek. 

"I hate every one of those worthless fuckers."

Cas smiled. "Me too."

"Come on, let's go back to sleep. Unless you want me to go."

Cas shrugged. "I was pretty comfortable. If you want to stay."

Dean followed him back to the couch and they laid down.

"I am okay, if you want to go," Cas said, curling up in front of Dean, how they had been.

"I don't want to go," Dean whispered, kissing Cas on the neck below his ear. "But when you wake up, I'll be at work."

"I have a week off. Mandatory. Gabe said I need it."

Dean ran a hand up and down Cas' arm and shoulder. It just felt so good to touch him. Hold him. Better than anything he had ever felt. Better than Lisa had ever felt. Cas was already drifting off and Dean relaxed, sliding his hand under Cas' half pulled up t-shirt. The touch of hot, silky skin made his cock jump and he fought the urge for his hips to rock forward into Cas'. 

"Mm," Cas murmured, half asleep.

Dean closed his eyes. This was going somewhere. He wanted to wrap Cas up and hold him tight like he used to do with Sam. He took his brother everywhere when they were little. When his mom had died, Dean had latched on to Sam like a lifeline. Leaving him when he joined the army had been harder than hard. Letting Sam leave for college had been hard too. His hand curled around Cas' shirt softly. Sleep came slowly. 

His alarm buzzed in his back pocket soon after. He swiped it off and crawled over Cas to get up. He kissed his sleeping forehead and left quietly. Once home, he changed and headed out for PT. After that, Role call and off to the car pool. He was only half attentive to his work. When his phone buzzed, he checked it immediately, but no word from Cas so far.

At lunch, he walked with Charlie to a bench. 

"So, you missed awesome lasagna," Charlie grinned.

"I'm sure Dorothy was so sad I couldn't make it." Dean elbowed her and Charlie only smiled harder.

"So, how is he?" Charlie asked.

"He's...dealing. I think he was tortured for information, but wouldn't give in. He was rescued before they could get any worse."

"Damn. Friggin’ Rangers."

"Yeah. He won't drink. Wants nothing to do with water, but did get a shower. Four fingers are broken on his right hand-"

"Those fuckers!" Charlie hissed.

"He's got bruises on his face, arms, and I couldn't see the rest of him."

"Damn."

"I can hardly concentrate. I just want to be sure he's okay."

"How long did you stay?" Charlie tried not to grin.

"All night."

Charlie giggle ridiculously. Dean could only roll his eyes and laugh.

"You're gonna hit that, aren't ya?"

"Shut up, Charlie."

"You are sooo killing your career, aren't you?"

"Charlie."

"You and me. We are not re-upping. We can open our own garage! I can handle computer stuff, you can handle parts and service!"

"Oh my God."

"Not too big a place, I don't want it to totally own my life..."

"I'm goin back to work, Charlie."

She jumped up after him. "Think we could pull something like that off?"

"Not likely," Dean sighed. "Starting a business requires money. Mine all goes to California to Samantha. My first-priority bitch."

"You're right," Charlie sulked. "Besides, Novak is so not your type."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, stopping and facing her.

"I mean...he's like...not really available Dean. He's a Ranger. It just won't last. Unless he gets out. Rangers are either lifers and married to their jobs or leave when they find a wife. Husband. Whatever."

"Ya know, Charlie, you're about as supportive as a fuckin’ bridge made of paper!"

"Sorry, Dean! I just...I don't want you to get hurt. Like me. Dorothy and I were so happy. Now it's all stress and make-up sex."

Dean huffed. "That's better than nothing!"

"Okay, okay. Give it a try. I just...I think you deserve the best, Dean. And I don't know if Cas can invest enough human emotion into a relationship to make it work. You deserve the best," she finished weakly.

"Ah, Charlie," Dean swayed, wanting to hug her, but unable to do it in uniform and on post. "I love you too," he said quietly. "Now, let's get back to work."

Dean had barely gotten started back to work when his phone buzzed.

Novak- I took more drugs. TV is way better when you're on drugs.

Dean- easy there Lindsay Lohan!

Novak- this is Cas.

Dean laughed. How could he not know who Lindsay Lohan was?

Dean- I know it's you, Cas. It was a joke. How are you feeling?

Cas- better

Dean- want some company tonight? Or maybe you want to get out of the house?

Cas- ok

Dean- ok what?

Cas- I can't remember. Want to come over?

"Oh shit, he is so doped up," Dean murmured.

"Who?" Jo asked.

"No one," Dean snapped.

Dean- I will be there in 4 hours. Take a nap. Ok?

Cas- you can not make me nap! I was a bad napper when I was little. Gabriel still tells me about it. I won't even tell you about potty training. Apparently it was near impossible. 

Dean looked at his phone with confusion. It was like every time Cas spoke, Dean had more questions for him. 'Gabriel knew you when you were a baby? Weren't they cousins? Maybe they were raised together.' 

Dean- ok...then stay out of trouble. I will be there as soon as I can.

Cas- you are so nice.

'Oh jeez, this was taking a turn toward drunk-dialing.'

Dean- see you soon. Gotta get to work.

Cas- ok

Dean tucked his phone into his pocket and got to work quickly. If he could wrap up early, maybe Bobby would let him off early.

 

Two hours later, he had all his projected tasks for the day complete. He went to Bobby's office.

"Enter," he heard him call.

Dean closed the door. "Hey, I have something goin' on...at home. Is there anyway I can get outta here early?"

"Sam okay?" Bobby asked, eyes squinting.

"Yeah, yeah. He's good." 

Bobby nodded. "I wanted to talk to you anyhow. I recommended you for a promotion. I also wrote you a letter for the Warrant Officer program."

Dean was shocked. He knew volunteering for the mission a few weeks ago would do him good, but did not expect results so quickly.

"Thank you, sir," Dean said slowly.

"You had no need to volunteer for that mission like you did. But ya did. And ya came home in one piece, so I won't harp on ya too bad. But Dean, you got a brother whose got nobody else but you. You gotta remember that."

"I do. I will." Dean said.

Bobby nodded. "Go on, get outta here."

"Can I ask you somethin?" Dean ventured.

"Shoot." Bobby sat back in his chair.

"You ever think about opening your own place? A garage somewhere?"

"Every day, son. Twice on days when one of my boys leaves for missions with a pack of Rangers."

Dean grinned and nodded. "Thanks, Bobby."

"Git outta here, ya idjit," Bobby said, hiding a smile.

 

Dean pulled up to Cas' house and knocked on the door. He was only slightly surprised when Gabe answered it. Dean had changed clothes but Gabe was still in uniform. He hesitated on saluting.

"Get in here," Gabe waved. "Shoulda known you'd be early. I swear, I never met anyone so smitten with my brother."

"Your brother?" Dean asked. "And smitten is not..."

"Psshh!" Gabe rolled his eyes and headed for the living room, Dean following.

"Cassie is my half-brother. Same no-show dad. Only he had a shitty mom too. She'd dump him at our house and take off. Then show up and take him. Every time he came back he was quieter and, well, more Cas-like."

Cas was sitting in his recliner with a smirk on his face. "Shut up, Gabriel," Cas glared.

"That's Major Gabriel, dickwad."

"Eat me, assbutt."

"Yeah," Dean said, "I see the resemblance now."

They both smirked at him. "Wow," Dean laughed.

"So, I'm outtie," Gabe sighed. "Think about what I said, Cassie. Talk to you tomorrow."

Cas waved and Gabe left. Dean tried to shake off his nervous thoughts about Gabe knowing something was going on between him and Cas. 'What exactly is going on? He tried to push me away, but he obviously couldn't stick to that plan any better than I could.' The magnetic pull between them was undeniable. And as Dean looked at Cas, he knew he was walking in deeper and deeper.

"You're early," Cas smiled.

"I am. I texted you."

Cas nodded. "Gabe took my phone when he got here. I was," he gave Dean a shitty grin, "bothering him at work."

Dean laughed. "No more pills for you when you're not supervised."

Cas got up, holding his hand to his chest again. "Thanks for last night. I..uh..."

"What?" Dean winked. "You don't crash on the couch with all your friends?"

"No," Cas laughed. 

There was a nervous tension between them. They kept having moments surrounded by difficult to talk about circumstances. But now, they had last night and now they were alone again.

Dean wanted to kiss him, freaking do him against a wall. But he had to follow Cas' lead.

"You look a lot better," Dean said. And it was true. His lip was back to normal size and though, chapped, looked healed. The bruising on his face was light yellow and no swelling. His hand was still a bandaged mess.

"Mm, I heal very quickly. One of my qualities that makes me a very useful Ranger."

Dean grimaced at the morbid humor. "So, how bout I make dinner?" Dean said, changing the subject.

"I should make dinner. I owe you," Cas said, following Dean to the kitchen.

"Oh no. Every time you offer to make me dinner, my phone makes mad faces and the rest of my day goes to shit. Or week." He was pulling cabinet doors open to look for dinner ideas when Cas grabbed him by the wrist.

"No really, I can do it."

"I know you can. But you'll be gimping all over the kitchen and gettin' gimp threads in my food, so nah."

As he talked, Cas had turned him so his butt was against the counter and Cas was in his space.

"I wasn't really thinking about dinner anyway," Cas said low, Dean tingling everywhere.

"Yeah? What were you thinking about?"

He put his hands on Cas' waist as Cas put his good hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I was thinking about the bathroom at the roadhouse."  
Their mouths were mere inches apart and losing distance. Dean's heart raced. He wanted this so bad. Fuck the backlash. Fuck the Army.

"You mean, my date?"

"I mean our date in the bathroom, you smart ass."

Dean huffed a laugh. "Just so ya know, I ditched my other date after you left."

Cas' eyebrows raised. "Did you?"

"I did," Dean smirked.

"I'm glad," Cas grinned and at long last his lips landed on Dean's. Every kiss from Cas had been so different. Hard and desperate in the bathroom, vulnerable and soft last night, tonight, warm and strong.

Dean kissed him back, his hunger growing. He felt like his chest might explode and the rest of the world, the universe was just fucking gone. His fingers dug in harder to Cas' hips and pulled him in, both their mouths opening as if a lever had been pulled. Cas was taking the lead, his hand sliding up to bring Dean's head impossibly closer to his own. Dean's hands began sliding up Cas' back and clawing their way down. 

Cas pulled back, swallowing and looking at Dean with those intense eyes. 

"This is such a bad idea," he said, looking as if Dean might run at any second.

"I don't fucking care," Dean said, kissing him again, harder as if to prove his seriousness.

Cas pulled back again, panting this time, "Dean, I can promise you nothing. I never know when I'm leaving. Never. I never know when I'm coming back. It gets real frustrating real fast."

"What do ya want me to say Cas," Dean asked, breathless, "I have you right here," he kissed him, "right now," he kissed him again, harder, "and want you so bad I fucking taste it."

Cas' pupils blew wide and he pressed his hips and mouth so hard into Dean that the counter dug into his lower back.  
Cas pulled back, grabbing Dean's shirt and ripping it over his head, Dean returning the gesture just as forcefully. Their mouths came back together in a searing rush of tongue and teeth. Dean's hands rubbed and clawed at the hot expanse of skin over his back. Cas' the same, only one handed. Cas gasped when Dean's hands went lower rubbing his ass and pulling at his waist band. 

He pushed out, separating their grinding hips and he began unlatching Cas' belt and then his button and zipper of his jeans.

Cas attempted Dean's button, but struggled one-handed, but not for long. Both pants undone, Dean pushed him a step further pulling his pants and boxers down. "Fuck," he murmured, his mouth trailing down Cas' neck now. Dean picked Cas up, spun, and sat him on the counter, ripping his jeans off. "I knew you had a big fuckin' cock in those pants," he said breathless.

Cas' good hand fisted in the back of Dean's hair and he moaned at the words from Dean.

Dean went down on the throbbing, hot, silky shaft and Cas barely fought not to thrust into him.

"Fuck," he bit the word out.

Dean went down far, pulling up and repeating.

Cas clawed helplessly at Dean's head and neck. "That feels so fucking good."

Dean's hands slid up his sides and he saw more healing bruises on both sides of his ribs.

He glanced up to be sure he had not hurt him and saw Cas' head pressed back against the cabinets, his mouth open and his eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy. It ramped up his own erection impossibly further.

"Dean," Cas moaned, wrecked, "stop."

Dean slowed his speed but not his suction, pulling off slowly with a pop.

Cas' head came forward and eyes opened with the gleam of a hunting animal. He pushed off the counter and pulled Dean's pants off, dropping to his knees on the kitchen floor. Dean tried to steel himself for what was coming, but when Cas' hot mouth engulfed him, he let out a growling moan that would sound painful, taken out of context.

"Jesus, Cas," Dean moaned, hands in Cas' hair.

"Mm," Cas moaned, pulling all the way off, "I knew you had a big cock too." His hand gripped the shaft firmly and ran up and over the sensitive tip. "So fucking big." His mouth was back and Dean was practically writhing in his arms. Every stroke of his mouth was drawing him nearer to a climax. "Cas! Cas! I want you, I need you..."

Cas stopped, looking up at him through lust-crazed eyes. He stood and kissed him. "What do you want?"

"You," Dean barely managed to verbalize, pressing his naked hips into Cas' and groaning. 

Cas stood, kissed his way down Dean's jaw and onto his ear. "Do you want me inside you?"

"Yes!" Dean gasped.

Cas reached up above Dean, pulling the cabinet door open and pulling out a bottle of olive oil.

"Fuck," Dean gasped in a small voice. "I've only ever done this like twice before and it was a long time ago."  
Cas opened the cap and dumped oil on his fingers in a gush of messy haste. His eyes caught Dean's, clearer than earlier. "I've got you, Dean."

Dean nodded and opened his mouth for Cas' kiss. Cas reached around and started to rub at the top of his butt cheeks, delving between but not entering. His kissing was maddening. Dean puffed out a breath as one finger slid inside. Memories of inexperienced teenage rushed sex with Mike swirled back into Dean's mind and he turned his head to the side, taking a breath. Cas' mouth dropped on his neck and shoulder, his finger all the way in and moving. This felt so much...better. The finger was gone and Dean opened his eyes, seeing Cas dump more oil onto his fingers. "Turn around," Cas said, breathing heavy.

Dean turned and held onto the edge of the counter, Cas returning his finger smoothly. "Stroke yourself," Cas said in his ear, chills running down Dean's body. One hand came to his own dick and stroked. Two fingers pressed inside, slow and steady. "Stroke, Dean," Cas coached. Dean breathed and stroked himself, the discomfort mingling with the pleasure and bathed in Cas' kisses and words. His fingers spread and turned and ran in a little harder. "You like that, don't you," Cas grinned, biting Dean's shoulder. Dean stroked slow and firm. 

"More," Dean breathed.

"More," Cas echoed, adding a third finger. "God, you're gorgeous," Cas said, growling into Dean's ear. "Stroke."   
Dean was shaking. Sweat ran down his forehead and his whole body glistened slightly. "You are fucking perfect. Three fingers and you want more."

Dean whined. He heard himself fucking whine! 

Cas ran three fingers, spreading and twisting and Dean started fucking back onto his hand. "Yeah, that's it, fuck," Cas swore. Dean could feel precome run down the back of his leg from Cas' throbbing cock and he let his own go, afraid of losing it.

"Ready for me?" Cas growled, biting his ear and already dumping oil into his hand. His fingers were gone and Dean could feel the flutter of his hole waiting.

"I'm ready," he writhed. "Fuck me." Dean had never said that to anyone. Ever. "Fuck me, Cas," he gasped.

Cas' head pressed and Dean felt his knees weaken. Cas took a firm grip with his bandaged hand onto Dean's hip, the other guiding himself inside Dean. "You are so fucking tight," Cas huffed out in small breaths as he inched inside, Dean breathing and fighting to not push back onto him.

Slid fully inside, Cas reached under and tapped his balls into Dean's. "Feel that? I'm all the way inside you."

Dean moaned and moved himself. "Fuck!"

Cas slid back and slid in, both shuddering hard. Cas opened a bottom cabinet and shoved something. "Put your foot on the shelf," he huffed.

Dean did, feeling himself open further. Cas put a hand on his shoulder and pulled out and pushed back in.

"Ohmygod," Dean huffed.

"Feel good?" Cas asked, grinding.

"Fuck yeah," Dean panted.

"More?" Cas asked, leaning closer over him.

"More," Dean shouted back.

Cas pumped steadily, moaning as he went.

"Faster?"

"Fuckin faster, Cas. Fuck!"

"You like it," Cas gritted his teeth and began really pumping, slapping skin and fucking Dean until he was shaking.

"You are so fucking hot," Cas gasped, "I'm gonna come."  
The thought made Dean's eyes white out and he gasped with every thrust. His dick was ramrod stiff and precome swung from the tip of it. He wanted to grab his own cock and pump it, but couldn't let go of the counter, Cas couldn't reach around with his bandaged hand so he angled differently and Dean cried out, "Yeah!"

Cas honed in on the angle and fucked Dean so hard he came hollering and thrashing, Cas coming inside him. The world disappeared and Dean became an explosion of euphoria. His body went limp, knees buckling, Cas riding him down to the floor in a spasming heap. Cas pumped several more times, riding out the waves of euphoria. His mouth bit lightly on Dean's shoulder sending shock waves of ebbing orgasm through him. Cas held him tight, panting.

"Jesus," Dean said, tears running down his cheeks. He swatted them away weakly and Cas pulled out, coming around and kissing him sloppy, wet and sweaty.

They gasped for air and breathed heavy. Cas pulled back, looking at Dean with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" He croaked. "I'm fucking fantastic."

Cas grinned and laughed with relief, kissing him again. "I have never...that was unfucking-believable."

"Yeah," Dean said weakly, head dropping back on the floor.

Their breathing slowed and they both sat up gingerly. Olive oil ran in a thick puddle on the counter, draining onto the floor. Cas pushed the open cabinet shut and laughed. Their clothes lay in strewn heaps, oil soaking into the leg of Dean's jeans.

"You're a fuckin’ animal," Dean said, taking in the mess.

Cas grinned. "You make me a fucking animal."

They both laughed and got to their feet, cleaning up the mess. They hobbled into the shower and washed quickly, stopping only to kiss and rub and yeah the shower took awhile.

They dried off and Cas stopped, towel around his waist. "Would you like to stay the night again?"

Dean looked out the window guiltily. Once was once. Twice was starting something more serious. "Yeah," he said weakly. Cas grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners and he kissed Dean deep and slow. 

"Good." He took Dean by the hand. "Congratulations on your upgrade. Tonight we get the bed."

Dean laughed, "Awesome, cuz you're a couch hog."

Cas tossed him a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.

"I am not. I am a you hog."

"You are," Dean laughed, pulling the pants on as Cas pulled his on.

"It's not my fault," Cas countered, "I have to beat all the women away. And the men."

"What men?" Dean laughed.

"Gadreel," he raised one finger.

"Whatever, I would slay him," Dean swished an arm like he swung a sword.

"Singer," he raised a second finger.

"What! Dude, he's like a dad to me!"

"Ash." Third finger with a pointed look.

"Dude, you have lost it! Ash is...okay, I don't really know if he's straight or what, but no."

"Benny." Four fingers.

"Well, we have made out a few times."

Cas' eyes lit up, practically glowing. "I knew it."

Dean fell on the bed laughing at how intense Cas was. He pulled Cas down and leaned over him. “I have never even been hit on by another guy since I was 16. One guy, a long time ago."

He ran his fingers through Cas' hair. "How about you, Castiel. How many guys?"

Cas' face darkened slightly. "Three. One in high school. Inais, sweet little guy. He died when I was in college, but we weren't dating then."

Dean furrowed his brow. "That sucks."

"A man in college. A professor, actually. It was brief and I went running for the hills. Then once in a training camp. He freaked out and quit the Army because he figured out he was gay." Cas shook his head. 

Dean's fingers stopped combing through Cas' hair. "And now me."

Cas' eyes relaxed. "And then there was Dean Winchester."

Dean smirked.

"I was in the car pool waiting for a jeep for Gabe the first day you arrived."

"Dude, that was two years ago."

Cas shrugged. "I saw you and..."

Dean's eyebrows raised, watching Cas blush.

"I wasn't around much after that. But since I have been back, I have seen you. Your men like you. Your superiors like you. And I like you. A lot."

"Aw. Are we gonna go steady?" Dean snickered.

Cas smirked. 

"Now, I would really, really like to make you dinner."

"Okay," Cas grinned. "And I think I need two fingers re-set." He held up his bandaged hand.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," Cas chuckled.

"You are a fucking animal."

Cas grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

Dean kissed him, deep and hot. "Jesus," he said, pulling up and taking a deep breath, "You have got to be a man whore."

"What?" Cas laughed into his mouth.

"You're so fucking hot. I think every man around you secretly wants you or you have sex with all of them."

Cas wrapped an arm around Dean. "You are the only man since I have become a Ranger."

Cas' phone buzzed. They both sat up so he could reach it. All the light and joy drained from his face as he read a text. 

His hand dropped and he turned to Dean. "I have to go."

Dean's mouth dropped. "You're off for a week!"

"I'm never off Dean."

"But, you're still hurt," Dean stood up.

"But I'm not dead," Cas said with no humor, "so I go."

"No," Dean said weakly, one hand covering his mouth.

"Sorry," Cas said quietly, pulling his t-shirt off to change.

Dean walked out of the bedroom and down the hall into the kitchen in a daze. The floor was still tacky from olive oil. He put together two sandwiches and grabbed two bottles of water.

Cas came into the kitchen in uniform. "Dean," Cas started.

Dean handed him a sandwich. "You need to eat."

Cas took the sandwich with a tortured look on his face. "Stay here, if you want. Or lock up when you leave. I..."

Dean shook his head. He wasn't going to be a jerk about this. He wasn't going to be a whiny bitch. "Please, Cas, just...be careful out there. Come home."

A look that Dean could not quite place washed over Cas' face.

"I'm always careful. I'll be back. And you and I have much to discuss."

Dean nodded.

Cas kissed him slow and sweet. He took the sandwich and left, leaving the water. Dean grabbed the bottle and went after him in the garage.

"Hey!" You gotta drink!"

Cas grimaced.

Dean opened the bottle and took a drink. He closed the lid and handed it to Cas. "My mouth has been a lot of good places today. You can think about that when you take a drink."

Cas blushed and took the bottle with a wry grin. He got in the car and Dean went back in the house, out of the sight of neighbors.

When Dean heard the garage door close, he slumped into a kitchen chair. 

He pulled his phone out and called Charlie.

"Hey douche," she answered.

"Huh," Dean laughed humorlessly. "What's up, Charlie?"

"Uh oh, I know that tone. What's going on?"

Dean put the phone on speaker and proceeded to clean the kitchen so it was safe for people to eat in. He told Charlie everything. Almost every detail.

"God, this is so Officer and a Gentleman!" She gushed.

"That's your take-away?"

"Hey, I warned you. This is a no-win situation, Dean. I love ya, but you go the hard way with everything."

"Oh, you're a good one to talk."

"Takes one to tolerate one, I guess. I mean, I had no idea Cas the avenging angel could be so...human."

"Watch it," Dean defended.

"Okay," she sighed. "You know I can't tell you what you want to hear, right? There's no riding off into the sunset on this guy," she chuckled at her own joke.

"I just...I guess I needed to hear it." Dean sat down, kitchen shining. "This isn't going anywhere, is it."

"Not unless one of you is not re-upping."

Dean rubbed his forehead. "It feels so..." Dean shook his head. "I gotta go, Charlie, but thanks."

"You're welcome. Not that it makes me feel any better that I'm not the only one on post going to bed alone."

"Dorothy is alone too," Dean said. "You two are gonna make it Charlie. You just have to want it bad enough."

"I do. That's why I'm leaving."

"I know," Dean said, deflated. They hung up and Dean looked around the kitchen coldly. 'How can something so good not work? How can this not be something more? Dude, I am so screwed. Freakin Rangers.'


	6. Hurry Up And Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment, suggest or ask questions. Thank you so much for reading!! :)

Chapter 6. Hurry Up and Wait

A long and frustrating week passed. Dean had no word from Cas. He had spent an entire evening reviewing rules and regulations of military conduct on line. Saturday morning, he went to Major Gabriel's house and knocked on the door. Gabriel gave him a stormy scowl when he opened the door. "What are you doing here, Sergeant Winchester?"

"Sir, may I please come in?" Dean asked, trying not to look as desperate as he felt.

Gabe pushed the door open and Dean entered Gabe's immaculate house.

"I really need to talk to you, off the record," Dean said quietly.

Gabe looked nonplused and waved Dean into his study. He sat at a chair and Gabe took a seat behind a mahogany desk.

"Speak freely, Dean."

"Gabe, I think we have a problem at MC. Maneuver Center. They recently told a friend of mine she can't marry."

"That's ridiculous." Gabe gave him an irritated look.  
Dean pulled out a sheaf of papers he had printed and hi-lighted.

Gabe reviewed Charlie and Dorothy's details and the reported response they had gotten.

"This is definitely a problem," Gabe said. "Is there anything here you aren't telling me? Prior disciplinary actions, anything?"

"None."

Gabe sighed heavily. "This is total bullshit. There is no reason these two can't get married. And they can live together too." Gabe sighed again. "I'll look into it."

"Thank you, sir." Dean stood, but Gabe motioned him to sit down.

"Ya know this isn't why I thought you were here today."

Dean swallowed thickly.

"I am in contact with Cas. He is okay."

A wave of relief washed over Dean. "That is...good to hear."

Gabe gave him a penetrating stare. "Do you need to be making some changes to your college status? In order to not get pressed with disciplinary action for fraternizing with an officer?"

"I guess I do," Dean said. He had learned quite a bit the last day. As long as you were actively seeking college advancement toward a degree and angling to become an officer, you could date an officer and marry one.

Gabe nodded. "Off the record, Cas will be state-side tomorrow. Home by Monday."

Dean's eyebrows raised. "Thank you."

They stood up and Dean left.

 

Dean kept to himself for the rest of the weekend. If he was wrong about Charlie's case, he did not want to get her hopes up. He could breathe easier with knowing Cas was   
okay, but he was still antsy not seeing him.

His thoughts were a scattered mess. He barely knew Cas. And at the same time he felt consumed by him. He had no idea where he came from, what his family was like, what he liked to eat besides burgers...he knew almost nothing about him. And yet he wanted to know everything. 

Monday came and Dean showed up to PT. He went home and showered afterward and headed straight to the Car Pool. He needed to be busy. Busy fixing. The day went quickly. 

 

At home, Dean sat at the kitchen table with a beer and his phone out. Maybe knowing when he was coming home was worse than not knowing.

Dean flipped on his TV and mindlessly watched, changing channels frequently. 

By 2000, he was getting pissed. He called Cas' cell number. No answer.

By 2400, he was madder than hell. By 0200, he was sad. Truly sad. The reality of how hard it was going to be, to be with someone like Cas was setting in. This is what life would be like. Always in second place to a job that might kill him.

Dean clicked the tv off and went to bed disappointed and discouraged. 

Tuesday was numb. Dean moved from job to job with little care. Around 1400, Charlie jogged up to him. "Hey, I just got called to MC. They said to bring a witness."

"A witness? For what?" Dean asked, confused. He wanted to be hopeful, but all his hope had run out last night.

"I don't know, I'm freakin out! What if they are court marshaling me!"

"For what?! No. Let's go see what's going on."

Charlie's pale skin was even paler. Dean drove to building 1387. Bobby had looked concerned at the off request, not making Charlie's ride any better.   
The pair arrived and were escorted through several halls and into a conference room.

"I'm gonna hurl," Charlie said, hands shaking.

"You got this. Whatever is going on, I got your back Charlie."

The door opened and Major Gabriel and two other Majors Dean did not know walked in.

"Captain Bradbury," Major Sinclair said, "I've called you here today to review your case that was handled by Captain Roman. It has come to our attention that Captain Roman has been skewing the writing of the regulations and denying housing and marriage to same sex couples. Army regulations plainly state that this is not to be the case."

He handed a paper across the table to Charlie. She looked at it, the paper only trembling slightly. "That is housing permission signed and ready for you and First Lieutenant Gale to share housing on post."

"This," Sinclair said with a grin, "is your approval form for marriage to First Lieutenant Gale."

"Thank you, sir," Charlie said proudly. 

"Captain, what was denied to you has been changed in the rules and regulations for almost two years now."

"Roman said that I was fraternizing, that nothing beyond that mattered. He said it had nothing to do with us being women. Sir."

Sinclair nodded. "He was...misusing his powers apparently. Any such accusations will be expunged from your record, Captain. Roman has been removed from post."

Gabe was grinning and Dean felt so relieved that his meddling had worked for the best. 

"I asked for a witness," Gabe said, "because I need the signature of a witness that the couple are in fact dating and do in fact intend on marrying."

"Yes, sir," Dean said immediately.

He signed anything they put in front of him, Charlie signing as well.

"My apologies that Gale could not be here as well," Sinclair grinned kindly, "her unit is in the field and Major Gabriel insisted on doing this as soon as possible."

"You can tell her tonight at dinner," Gabe grinned. "She can stop in and sign any needed forms when it suits her."

"Thank you, sir," Charlie said, barely able to contain her excitement.

The Majors stood to leave and Gabe gave Dean a quick wink. They left the room and Charlie exploded into excited euphoria, launching a hug onto Dean that almost knocked him down.

"I can't believe it!" She kept repeating.

"Charlie," Dean said, squeezing her shoulders, "The laws are clear. You didn't do any research on this. That's not like you to get steamrolled."

Charlie's elated face fell slightly. "I just...he was so convincing. I really thought...and I was afraid to question anything and end up getting either one of us thrown out. Wait...did you have something to do with this?"

"Uh..." Dean stammered. "I went to see Gabe on your account. I knew the whole thing was not right, so I did some research."

"Dean Winchester did research," Charlie laughed.

"Hey, I can research. When I choose to."

She hugged him tight enough to hurt for days. "I love you, Dean! You just changed my life!"

"Jeez, Charlie," he hugged her back. "Come on, let's go before they take back that fraternization stuff."

They straightened themselves up and left the building. Dean wanted to go find Gabriel so bad. He was dying to know anything about Cas. Anything. Gabe had told him Cas was fine and was supposed to be home yesterday. 'Where are you, Cas?' He thought sadly.

In the jeep, Charlie drove and squealed the whole way to the car pool bay. As they pulled in Charlie gave him a serious look. "Thank you, Dean. And I just want you to know, that whatever makes you happy, I'm behind you 150%. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive of Cas. I mean, I have barely met the guy. But if it is important to you, it is important to me."

"Thanks, Charlie." Dean got out of the jeep and they headed back into work. It was so great that Charlie was squared away now. His own head was no closer to knowing anything about Castiel Novak. "Where are you, man?" He muttered out loud to his tool bench.

 

The work day was finally over and Dean knew his steps were dragging as he headed to his car. He was relieved and happy for Charlie and Dorothy. But the stress of Cas missing was eating him alive.

"Let's celebrate," Charlie said, "Dorothy gets home tonight, so tomorrow night, the whole gang at the Roadhouse!"

"Deal!" Dean said, getting in his car and heading home. He pulled into the car port in front of his house, which was one in a long stretch of houses. But his front stoop had something on it that no one else's did. Cas sat waiting on the step. Seeing Dean, he stood, looking nervous, apologetic, anxious.

Dean sucked in a breath at the sight of him. His heart jumped into race mode and he put the car in park. He stood, choked up at the actual sight of him.

He approached the steps slowly, their eyes locked in a stare that said volumes.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean grinned. "You're here."

Cas looked down at his boots, he was still in his digies.  
Dean wanted to be mad and yell. He wanted to not care. He wanted to say 'hey, man, how ya been?' As light-hearted as possible, but he could not muster it. The magnetic drag was too strong. He was more than relieved to see him and more than ready to touch him. 

Dean turned the lock in the door and they both went in.   
Dean felt himself hit the wall and had an arm full of Cas and mouth full of Cas in an instant. 

Dean dropped his keys on the floor, his hands catching the wild beast in front of him and keeping up with his break-neck speed. 

"I missed you," Cas said, pulling back from Dean's mouth.

"I see that," Dean laughed. His emotions were as mixed as ever. Anger at the missing time, relief so profound it hurt, happiness to have him in his hands again.

Cas' fingers were still bandaged, but no other marks appeared to be marring his beautiful body. 

"I did, I missed you so bad," Cas said, his blue eyes worried and wild.

"I missed you too," Dean kissed him, running his hand through his hair. Cas pulled back, rubbing a hand over his mouth and the bandaged hand on his hip. "I need to talk to you. I feel like I can't get a fucking second to think straight around you. And it's not your fault. It's mine." He paced into the living room, glancing around. "I did something...and I hope it's something you want."

Dean followed him, his nervousness growing. 

"Ya know, it doesn't seem to matter if I want to or not with you Cas." Dean was being brutally honest and Cas turned to him with worried eyes. "Being with you...if that's even what I am...is like being chained to a comet. It's fast and intense and then- nothing. But I can't let go. I just can't get out of your orbit, man."

Cas nodded. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry I keep leaving." He shook his head. "It didn't matter for so long. And now...it matters very much. I am putting in for an assignment change."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, nervous.

"I requested desk duty due to injuries and mental stress. It was approved while I was away."

Dean wanted to grin and say 'yay' but to watch a soldier step down from active to desk work was always difficult.

"Cas, I don't want you to do that for me."

Cas laughed softly, "Why not? I don't want to be disposable anymore. I don't want to be in the constant line of fire, constantly worried I will be captured. Tortured. Capture others. Torture others." A haunted look passed Cas' face and Dean had him in his arms again.

"I want to come home at night," he said quietly.

"Me too," Dean said, kissing his cheek and jaw. "I want you home too. I just don't want you to hate me because you aren't out there, doing your thing."

Cas kissed him. "It's not your call. It's mine. I'm fighting a war out there, one tiny op at a time. I'm trying to do good, Dean, but I feel like I have done a lot of bad to get to the good."

Dean held his face in his hands. "You," he kissed him, "are a good person, Cas. You deserve to have the career you want, the life you want."

"I just...things are going so fast," he breathed. "And yet, no where at all."

Dean hugged him tight. He had no words for the whirlwind of his mind and heart. Sam would think he had lost his mind, Charlie barely got it, and no one else in his life even knew this monumental thing was happening. They held each other tight a moment, hats tossed off, standing in identical uniforms and boots. Finally, they let go.

Dean took Cas' hand and led him to the kitchen. He didn't say a word, but started making dinner. If he could just get through a meal with Cas, he felt like he could get his head on straight.

"So," he said, getting dishes and food out, "were you...was it an okay week for you?" Talking about work was hard, but he needed this.

Cas sat at the small table. "Yes. We closed down that route of gun traffic. And my face is known now. Any more face time from me in that country and I'm sure I wouldn't make it home."

Dean pulled pork chops out of the fridge and rinsed them, laying them in a pan. He had water boiling for rice and a bag of veggies laying on the counter. Cas stood to help him. He put the veggie mix in a pot and added water to heat. 

"So, when they talked about you going back-" Dean fished for more info.

"They talked, I listened, I refused, they threw a fit, I put my foot down. They sent me anyway. Glass seems to think I'm indestructible and just keeps throwing me back to the same problem."

"Even after you were captured!" Dean spat, ignoring the sizzling pork chops. 

Cas reached over and flipped them.

"Even after being captured and tortured."

The word coming from Cas' mouth with such ease made Dean's stomach twist. He saw the look on Dean's face and stopped. "It's not the first time, Dean. I heal quickly. And I'm fine. I just...I don't know. It matters more now. It matters that I get back home."

Dean grinned. "Damn right it matters."

They finished cooking and each filled a plate, taking them to the small table.

"Beer, water, tea?" Dean asked.

"Beer," Cas said.

Dean sat a beer at each plate and sat across from Cas.   
"I put in for a different task group. I have skills they want, being fluent in Dari, Farci, several forms of Egyptian..."

"Damn, Cas," Dean shook his head. "You are something else, you know that?"

Cas grinned lopsided. "There are better things to be better at."

Their eyes met and Dean grinned softly. "So, you want a desk job?"

"Yes. I have fought a long time. I'm 27. I need a break."

Dean grinned. "You're 27? Damn, you're a cradle-robber!"

Cas nodded slowly. "That's not a problem to me. Is it to you?"

"No," Dean grinned mischievously. Four years difference was not an issue at this point in either of their lives.

Their grins sobered a bit as they ate. "How long are you staying in?" Cas asked.

Dean shrugged. "Always figured I'd be a lifer. Now, I'm not so sure. I re-up or discharge in 15 months. Problem with that, is my unit is up to deploy in 3 months.

Cas stopped eating, a slightly surprised look on his face. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Cas sat back, sipping his beer. It was a depressing thought that neither of them said out loud. Deployments were one year overseas. Dean already knew he would be in an active war zone. And car pool could get deadly with retrieving vehicles. IED's were their worst enemy. They exchanged a weighted glance, neither saying anything about how brutally long a year sounded right now.

Dean cleared his throat, looking down at his plate. "Bout the time I get back, I can decide to stay or go. Charlie wants me to open a garage with her."

Cas grinned. "That seems very like you. I, on the other hand, have no real-life skills. I speak 8 languages, can interrogate the truth out of people, and am an excellent shot. What kind of job do I get with that?"

Dean grinned. "I don't know man. I mean, CIA, FBI...ICE."

Cas looked down. "What if I am no longer interested in squeezing the truth out of people."

Dean swallowed his last bite of pork. The thought of Cas interrogating made him both hesitant and turned him on. "Then we look until you find exactly what you want. Out of the army."

Cas nodded, grinning, "Someday."

They finished dinner, washing the few dishes. As Dean scrubbed the last dish, Cas stood behind him and kissed the back of his neck. Dean melted into it.

"I have a bunch of friends getting together tomorrow at the Roadhouse. Want to come?"

"Yes," Cas growled. "I want to."

Dean grinned. They made it through an entire meal. They talked. They had plans for the future. Dean felt satiated in a way that had been nagging him since his up and down relationship began.

"You like kitchens, don't ya?" Dean laughed, tilting his head to allow Cas better access to his neck.

"I'm learning to love them," he mumbled into Dean's skin.  
Dean wiped his hands off and turned in his arms. He kissed him long and slow. The chemistry between them was undeniable. 

They pulled apart, Dean taking Cas by the hand and leading him to the living room. "Are you gonna play a song tomorrow night?"

"Maybe...why?" Dean asked, unbuttoning his flack jacket.

"You are insanely hot with that guitar," Cas said, grinning and blushing.

Dean laughed low. "That can be arranged. Since I have a fan."

"A fan? I don't know how you can even walk out of that bar alone most nights. I don't know how they aren't all tearing your clothes off."

Dean watched as Cas unbuttoned his flack jacket and pushed it off, like Dean had done a moment ago.

"Something in your pocket there, Ranger?" Dean grinned looking down the lines of Cas' body.

"No. I'm pretty fuckin' happy to see you."

Dean stepped backwards, putting his hands on his own belt. Cas followed.

"I can help you out with that," Dean grinned, walking faster toward his bedroom.

"God, I hope so," Cas grinned, catching him, Dean's belt undone, he reached for his button and fly, kissing him.

Dean's knees hit the bed and they both collapsed onto it. Cas straddled him, sitting up and pulling at his shirt, taking it off. Dean raised his hands, running them over the smooth skin along his ribs and abs to his belt, unhooking it. Cas interrupted him, pulling Dean's shirt off and throwing it. His eyes roamed with his hands, smoothing over his chest, making Dean take a steadying breath. 

"I want to hear you sing," Cas kissed him once, "I want to hear you laughing with your friends," he kissed him once more, Dean's mouth chasing him upward. "But pretty soon," he kissed him again, grinding his hips downward, "I want to hear you moan."

Dean moaned at the thought, receiving a kiss to make his toes curl. Cas' mouth made its way over to Dean's ear and growled, "And I want to hear you scream my name."

Dean's entire body arched upward, grabbing Cas' hips hard. "Then you're gonna have to work for it," Dean breathed out.

An eager grin crossed Cas' face, eyes heavy-lidded and lips finding his again.

Boots, socks, pants and boxers came off in a hurry, Dean crawling up the bed naked, followed by Cas. Dean collapsed onto his belly, Cas on top of him, kissing and biting his neck, shoulders, back and arms. Dean had never known such passion. Cas came off to the side and Dean was up on his knees, eyes glazed with lust. He pinned Cas down, kissing and biting his neck, chest and nipples. Cas' hands were in his hair and running anywhere they could reach. 

Dean caught one wrist, pulling up and thrusting Cas face-down onto the mattress. He trailed biting kisses from one shoulder to the other then back up to his neck, Cas gasping occasionally. His chest touched Cas' back and he rocked his hips, rubbing his throbbing cock between Cas' cheeks. 

"Dean," Cas moaned.

Dean mouthed his way up to Cas' neck and ear, growling, "Maybe I want to hear you screaming my name."

"Uhh," Cas moaned, rocking upward against Dean's cock.

Dean laughed low, his hand rubbing firm strokes up and down Cas' hip and ass.

Cas pushed up, flipping and Dean was on his back, grinning.

"What do you want?" Cas asked, raining kisses on his face and neck.

Dean could hardly think straight. "I want..." He moaned as Cas sucked a bruise onto his chest. "I..."

"Do you want me inside you?" Cas asked.

"Yeah," Dean breathed.

"Do you want inside me?"

"Mmmmm," Dean writhed as Cas' mouth engulfed his dick. 

"Yes."

"You're very indecisive," Cas grinned.

Dean wanted everything. His mind tripped and flopped over steamy images. "I want you inside me," he panted.

Cas pulled off of him. "Do you have anything?"

Dean sat up, opening his bedside drawer and handed him a bottle of lube and a condom. They had not used one the first time, in stupid haste, but better late than never. 

Cas snagged them and went back to sucking Dean's dick as he lubed his fingers and teased at Dean's hole.

"Uh...come on," Dean groaned, clawing at the sheets. He was rewarded with a finger sliding steadily inside. 

Cas moved his finger in rhythm with his sucking and Dean had to reel himself in to not lose it. Two fingers and Cas pulled off biting and sucking inside one thigh.

"You are so fucking hot," Cas murmured.

Dean began fucking himself onto Cas' hand as he scissored and swirled. 

"Cas," he panted.

Three fingers and Cas switched to his other thigh. Dean's dick leaked and throbbed with want. 

Fingers slid away and Dean's breath slowed, watching as Cas lubed himself and pulled one of Dean's legs over his shoulder, pressing inside.

His blue eyes were like balls of lightening and Dean puffed a breath out, relaxing to let him in. In and out Cas slid. Dean reached for Cas' hips, wanting to feel every bit of him.

"Fuck," he mumbled.

Cas was sweating and intense, his good hand gripping Dean's leg tight. 

"Ohh, Dean," he moaned and Dean's hands released him, flying back to the bed to help push himself forward.

"Cas, yeah."

Cas dropped Dean's leg, crouching over him and kissing his mouth. The contact was all-consuming.

The changed angle had Dean soaring quickly toward climax.

Cas pulled his mouth away, leaning on his bandaged hand and taking Dean's dick in his good one.

"Uhh...fuck...Cas," Dean gasped.

"Yeah?" Cas encouraged.

"I'm gonna..."

"Are you gonna come for me?" He growled, twisting over the top of his dick while hitting his prostate just right.

"I'mgonnafuck! Ah! Cas!"

"That's what I wanted to hear," Cas gritted, pummeling through Dean's orgasm until he writhed.

He let go of Dean's throbbing, softening dick and planted both hands on the bed, fucking Dean harder. Three hard, pounding strokes and came. "Nguu! Dean!" He pumped through, spasming and falling heavily onto Dean's chest.  
Dean kissed his sweaty head and face, seeing Cas' blissed out face and grinning before his own head dropped back in exhaustion.

Cas' breath slowed and he slid out and off of Dean. They lay tight together and idly ran hands over each other.

"Let's get a shower," Dean said.

"Yeah." Cas rolled off the bed, pulling the condom off and wrapping it in a tissue for the trash.

Under the hot spray of water, they lazily washed themselves and each other.

"So you want to top and bottom," Cas said, grinning, running a soapy cloth across Dean's back.

Dean's eyes were closed and he grinned, feeling Cas' hands and the soapy cloth, and the water. "I want everything."

Cas giggled low. "That can be arranged."

They dried off and Cas looked down at his uniform.

"You want to stay?" Dean asked, sitting on his bed, naked.

Cas' eyes roved over Dean's body. "Yeah, if you want me to."

Dean grinned, pulling back the covers and scooting back. 

Cas tousled his hair again with the towel and tossed it to where Dean had tossed his. He climbed in bed and set an alarm on his phone.

Cas laid down flat, Dean up on one elbow, running a finger slowly over and around his chest.

"What's this scar from?" He asked, tracing a C shaped mark on his right rib cage.

Cas' eyes glanced away but returned. "Wire coat hanger connected to a car battery."

Dean flinched and frowned, kissing the mark and laying his head on Cas' chest.

Cas wrapped an arm around Dean, his hand curling into Dean's hair. 

"What's this scar from?" Cas asked, running his thumb down a jagged, white line on Dean's shoulder.

"Broken whiskey bottle."

"Bar fight?" Cas asked.

"My dad."

Their fingers traveled softly.

"This one?" Dean said, tracing a raised pink line on his bicep.

Cas grinned. "Gabriel told me if I was really good at church, I could fly like an angel. I fell. Hard. Off the balcony."

Dean laughed, hugging Cas to him.

"Gabriel was a little bastard," Cas laughed.

"I bet you were so cute," Dean laughed harder.

"I was fearless, that's for sure. My mother once left me at a bus station in Indianapolis. I got the whole way back to Oregon to Gabriel's house by acting like I belonged with other people and hitching busses."

"That's terrible!" Dean said, leaning up on his elbow again. 

"Yeah. I was eight. I thought it was quite the adventure until my Aunt Naomi flipped out."

"Have you ever belonged to anyone?" Dean asked. It was a strange question to anyone who had belonged with a family.

"With Gabe. For a time. We were brothers. But no. Not really. You?"

"After my mom died when I was four, no. Except I had Sam, my little brother."

"Is that the man in the pictures?" Cas asked, looking at his dresser.

"Yeah. For awhile, he stayed with me. I was his guardian here at Benning until he left for college. That was a good time. Other than that, no." He laid his head down on Cas' chest again, Cas' fingers returning to their stroking through his hair. "I dated a girl that moved here with me for 6 months, Lisa. But...it didn't work."

Cas took a deep breath. "I have never had a relationship that long. None more than a few hook-ups with women. The men I dated were longer. But none came close to this."

Dean came up on his elbow again. "I know what you mean. This is kinda intense."

"Yes."

They snuggled back together and drifted off to sleep.

 

Dean woke the next morning to warm kisses and hands sliding up his sides.

"Mm, Cas," Dean mumbled. 

"I gotta go," Cas said.

"No," Dean groused, pulling Cas down onto him.

"Oh, you little bastard," Cas groaned, Dean's morning wood rubbing firmly into Cas'.

"You're waiting until tonight," Cas murmured, grinding back.

"Tease," Dean said, taking Cas' mouth with fervor.

"Dean," Cas pulled away.

Dean wrapped a leg, tossing Cas over and rolling with him so he was on top, sheet tangling them together.

"I'm not waitin'. Might not see you for a week," Dean said, kissing his way down Cas' chest.

"If you make me late..."

"What? What will you do to me?"

Cas' eyes lit up. "Dean Winchester, if you make me late, you will be..."

"Mm," Dean murmured, Cas had gone wordless from Dean's wicked blow job.

"Uhhh," Cas moaned loud. "Jesus!"

"Mm," Dean murmured, knowing his vibrations only furthered his efforts. He was taking no mercy, sucking and licking and kneading Cas' thighs at a rate that no morning wood could deny.

"I'm gonna come," Cas said frantic.

"Mmhmm," Dean challenged.

Cas froze in his writhing and then arched up, crying out, cum erupting into Dean's throat. He swallowed all he could, milking Cas through.

Dean crawled up him, wiping his dripping chin off with the back of his hand and grinning demonically.

Cas was a rag doll of bewilderment. "I don't even know what just happened," he mumbled, eyes wide, then drooping, sated.

Dean laughed low. "My turn...Captain."

Cas got himself sat up and Dean grasped him under the arms, sliding him toward the headboard into a half sitting position.

"What-"

Dean tall-kneeled in front of Cas, aiming his dripping dick for Cas' mouth. "Time for you to get fucked," Dean said, feeding Cas his dick.

Cas took it greedily, adjusting his head to better take in the length. 

Dean thrust and wrapped a hand around the back of Cas' head to move him where he wanted him.

"So fucking good at that," Dean gritted through clenched teeth.

"Mm," Cas responded.

"You like that?" Dean ground out, thrusting into Cas' mouth.

"Mmhmm," Cas managed, his hands teasing Dean's balls and ass.

"Fuck! You are so fucking hot! Yeah!”

"Mmhmm," Cas coached.

"Oh, shit,"Dean pulled out, pumping two times and came. He collapsed onto the bed.

They lay together, panting.

Cas finally hoisted himself out of bed and went into the bathroom. Dean drifted off, unable to believe the night and morning he had.

When the bathroom door opened, he got up onto both elbows.

Cas threw his clothes back on and came back to the bed.

"See you tonight," he said, leaning down and kissing him.

"Yeah, I hope so," Dean grinned.


	7. Taking Fire

Songs and lyrics that I do not own in this chapter-  
Honey Bee, by Louden Swain  
Crashed, by Daughtry

 

Chapter 7. Taking Fire

Dean got to the Roadhouse early. He sat his guitar case down in the hall. Ellen came through a door with a crate of alcohol for the bar.

"Let me get that," Dean said, taking the crate.

"Thanks," she sighed. 

He followed her through another door and behind the bar. 

"You playin' tonight?" Ellen asked.

"Yeah."

"Good!" She stopped in her flurry of bottle distributing and narrowed her eyes on him. "You okay? What's goin on?"

Dean hedged, but she was on him like a hawk. He pulled at the neckline of his t-shirt.

"Uh...I guess I can start with you. I've been seeing someone and I'm kinda spillin' the beans about it tonight to the gang."

"I see. Well, who is she?"

"No 'she', Ellen."

"Oh." She put her hands on her hips. "Who?"

"I think you know him. Cas."

"Blue eyes? Looks into your soul blue eyes?" She said incredulous.

"Yeah, that's him," Dean blushed and looked down, nervously.

Ellen stood a moment in shock. "Cas? And you?"

"Yeah."

"Huh," her look leveled out. "Not at all what I would have pegged you for. He seems so..." She waved a hand, "intense."

"Yeah, yeah he can be. But he's a great guy."

"Never pegged you for liking guys either."

Dean shrugged.

"Man, I better get more booze outta the store room."

"Why?" Dean asked, confused.

"Cause this bar is gonna be full of disappointed ladies tonight. Two hot studs out of the running!"

Dean laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets. He saw Benny come in the door and nodded to him.

"I better go," he said.

"Well, congratulations!" She hugged him. "Hope it works out."

"Thanks, Ellen."

Dean and Benny pushed two tables together and sat down. 

"Benny, I gotta talk to you."

"Whas up, brotha?" Benny said, his keen eyes interested and concerned.

"I know I've been a bit off lately. But I'm good. I'm better than good, actually."

Benny nodded.

"I've been seeing someone."

Benny nodded again.

"I've been seeing a Ranger."

Benny put the pieces of that statement together. Dean waited to give him a minute to process or react.

"Oh, I kinda wondered. Makes sense now. That blue eyed fella, right?"

Dean nodded, twisting a straw wrapper nervously.

"I, uh, didn't know you were inta guys," Benny said softly.

Dean nodded, not looking at him.

A moment passed, the pair quiet. "I kinda tried ta throw some hints awhile back, but you never responded. I figured you wasn't interested."

Dean's eyes shot up to meet Benny's. "What?"

Benny grinned, looking down. "Yeah, I just let it go. Figured it wasn't worth messin' up a friendship for."

"Benny...I had no idea. I'm sorry."

"No!" He waved him off. "I'm glad. We're good the way we are brotha, I wouldn't change a thing."

Dean had to laugh. "I guess I just didn't pick up on it, Benny."

"S all good. 'Sides, sounds like ya found someone."

"Yeah," Dean grinned. "Cas and I have been kinda hit and miss. But he's comin' in tonight to hang out with everyone and I just wanted my friends to know."

"Good for you, brotha."

"Thanks, Benny."

"I gotta say, though, he's a kinda intimidatin' fella. He good to you?"

Benny's look of concern, made Dean grin. "Yeah. I mean, it's been bumpy. But...I think worth it."

"Guy just seems so...stiff. He's 35F, right?"  
Dean nodded.

"Bet he's seen some shit." Benny took a drink. "Bet he's done some shit."

Dean and Benny exchanged a warning look. Dean's a warning that Benny was going too far. Benny's a warning that Cas might not be good for him. Both looked down, understanding, but cautious.

"Hey, guys!" Charlie called, making her way over to the table with Dorothy, Garth, Jo and Cole in tow.

"Hey!" Benny said cheerfully, Dean just took a breath, steeling himself for further warnings or concerns to come. He knew it would be an adjustment for his friends to see him with a guy. He had dated Lisa for a long time. He had had flings with other girls. This was out of his character to his friends.

Ash joined the party and beer was circling the table. Jo had finally turned 21 and could legally drink, under her mother's watchful eye. 

"Is everybody here?" Dorothy said, glowing more than usual with Charlie tight against her.

"No," Dean said, "I invited Chuck and Jason too."

"Oh yeah," she said, glancing around.

"And someone I want you all to meet."

Charlie clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes going wide.

"Who?" Jo asked. "You got a hot date coming?"

"Yes, I do," Dean blushed, glancing at Charlie and Benny. "I've been seeing someone. I thought it was time you all got to know...him."

"Him?" Jo and Cole said in shock, heads turning quickly to Dean.

"Yeah. We've kinda had a thing going for a while. Thought you all should meet."

"A guy?" Jo asked, Charlie whacking her. "God, the chicks here are gonna all cry!"

"Who is he?" Cole asked, all eyes on Dean.

"His name's Cas. Cas Novak. He's a Ranger."

"I know who he is," Ash said, his eyes glazing with a lot of information swirling behind them. "He got awarded not too long ago for some hot mess in Russia somewhere. Guy's a legend. A real Jack Bauer."

Dean pursed his lips. Cas' reputation was making this more difficult than him being a guy.

"He is so freakin hot," Jo said.

"Whatever," Cole laughed, nudging her.

"He seems like a very interesting guy," Garth chipped in, sending Dean a nod and a grin. Good ole Garth. Always a team player.

"Well, I can hardly wait to meet him," Dorothy said, raising her beer.

"Meet who?" Jason asked as he and Chuck joined the group.

"Dean has a boyfriend," Charlie said proudly. "And he's coming tonight.

"Oh, Cas?" Jason asked, Chuck looking not surprised a bit.

Dean laughed. "Let me guess, Gabe told you."

"Yeah. He came over one night wanting to know everything about you. He guards his little brother pretty closely."

Dean nodded. Gabe did seem to watch over Cas pretty carefully.

Dean saw Cas come through the door.

"Here he is guys," Charlie piped up. "Be the decent people I know you can be," she warned, sending around a look.

"Hi," Cas said, coming to where he had seen Dean wave.

"Hey," Dean grinned. Memories of the morning washed over him. He could see Cas had showered and changed once, maybe twice, since he saw him. It made Dean want to kiss him all over, marking his territory.

Dean shook the ridiculous thoughts and stood up. "Everybody, this is Cas, Cas, this is Benny, Dorothy, Charlie, Garth, Chuck and Jason, Ash, Cole, and Jo." 

Each waved in turn, Cas waving back. Cas sat next to Dean, taking the beer Dean handed him and the group fell into their typical mild ruckus.

Dean and Cas exchanged a look as the table erupted in debate over the Star Trek movie coming out. 

Dean leaned over. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Cas said, relaxing even more and nudging him with his elbow. The pair grinned at each other. Dean wanted to kiss him, but neither had talked about just how open they wanted to be. Their relationship was still so new. And oh yeah, potentially career killing.

Gabe turned up and knew everyone there already.

Charlie and Dorothy announced their good news, thanking Gabe and Dean for their help, and announcing their wedding date, which was going to be in a month, when Dorothy graduated and would become an officer, making their marriage allowable.

Everyone congratulated them and they toasted the first pair.

"We gotta gear up," Jason said.

Chuck, Gabe and Jason stood.

Cas tugged Dean's arm, Dean leaning over. "I hope you know you drive me crazy when you get up there and sing."

Dean grinned, bubbling inside. "Why do you think I've been singing so much?"

Cas shook his head, letting go of Dean. He joined the others and they geared up to go on next.

"Can you do back-up for Honey Bee?" Jason asked.

"Yeah," Dean nodded.

"Then you're up."

Dean nodded again, tuning his guitar.

Their big table was half way back the room, straight out from the stage. Dean saw that Cas was talking to Charlie and Garth. Garth cracked up laughing and Cas grinned. 

The crowd between the stage and their table was thick and getting thicker by the minute. But Dean could find Cas' eyes every time he looked out. 

Finished with Honey Bee, Dean stepped up to the mic to sing Crashed.

He found Cas, singing,

'Well, I was movin' at the speed of sound  
Head spinnin', couldn't find my way around, and  
Didn't know that I was goin' down, yeah, yeah  
Where I been; well, it's all a blur  
What I was lookin' for I'm not sure  
Too late and didn't see it coming, yeah, yeah  
Then I crashed into you  
And I went up in flames  
Could've been the death of me  
But then you breathed your breath in me  
Then I crashed into you  
Like a runaway train  
You will consume me  
But I can't walk away  
Somehow I couldn't stop myself  
I just wanted to know how it felt  
Too strong, I couldn't hold on, yeah, yeah  
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense  
Out of how and why this happened  
Where we're headed  
There's just no knowin', yeah, yeah  
And then I crashed into you...'

The crowd was up on their feet singing, busy for a week night.

Dean stepped back to play back-up for another song and their set was over.

In the hall, Dean smirked as he took his guitar off and put it in the case. Cas was done. Hook, line, and sinker. They were bound to have a good time tonight.

Dean came back to the table with the others and joined back into conversation easily. At one point, he turned, his eyes meeting Cas' and Cas' hand slid onto his thigh.   
Dean took a breath and blew it out, eyeing him steadily.

"You about ready to go?" Dean whispered, almost touching his forehead to Cas'.

"Whenever you are," he said, not quite smiling.

Dean winked, sitting back up. He caught a watchful look from Benny and the others seemed to notice as well. 

"We're gonna head out," Dean said.

Everyone said their goodbyes, and they headed for the door.

"Oh! My guitar," Dean said, "I gotta grab it."

Cas nodded, stepping aside and waiting for him.

Dean headed for the hall, grabbing his case and turned around. Benny came around the corner with a dodgey grin.

"Hey, Dean."

"Hey, Benny, what's up?"

"Look, I don't mean to be pain about this, but watch your back with that Cas. I don't know...I just...I don't trust him."

Dean scowled. "What are ya talkin about, Benny?" 

Benny stepped closer to him. "You been alone a long time since Lisa. I just..." He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I don't want you to settle for anything. That guy is-"

"I know what I'm doin, Benny," Dean said. He stepped away from Benny and gave him another glance. Then he left, shaking off the overreaction of his friend looking out for him. But if he were honest, it felt like more. It seemed Benny did not like Cas.

Dean weaved through the crowd, joining Cas and leaving the bustling bar.

They walked to Cas' car, him leaning against it and Dean stood toe to toe with him, guitar case strapped to his back, hands in his pockets.

"I'm glad you had time to hang out with my friends."

Cas grinned. "Anytime. Most of them are pretty cool."

"Most?" Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. "Did you warn them before I got there?"

"Yeah. I told all of them you and I have been seeing each other. I wasn't sure how else to put it. They won't get us in trouble."

"Yeah," Cas said with a faraway look in his brilliant eyes, "Give them a chance to accept it. It's a big change. We have a, " Cas' eyes came back to Dean's, so intense and steady it made the hairs on Dean's arms raise, "a profound bond."

Dean swallowed. Okay, he just wasn't sure what to do with that. 

Cas looked down at the ground. "Benny does not like me. But that's okay. I'm pretty sure he likes you."

"What? Cas, again with Benny," he ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't care Dean, as long as he understands that I have no intention of letting him get anywhere near you. In that way."

Dean was torn between feeling flattered and warning bells ringing for jealousy issues.

"I'll handle Benny. Just chill." He nudged Cas' shoe with the toe of booted foot. "Anyone else?" Dean asked.

"I believe Cole is quite unsure of the whole situation."

Dean nodded. "Okay."

Cas sighed. "You have great friends, Dean. And," his eyes ran down Dean's body with growing lust. "I'm not here to ruin anything. But I do have to say, you are killing me standing there with that guitar strapped over your shoulder."

Dean's mind whirled to a halt. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Cas grinned, his eyes twinkling, "Would you like to come back to my house?"

Dean stepped up closer to Cas. "I would love to come home with you." He kissed him slow and warm. Cas' hands took Dean by the waist, pulling him in tighter. One of Dean's hands rested on the roof of the car, the other behind Cas' head, curling his fingers into Cas' hair.

"Want to stop and get a bag so you don't have to leave early?"

Dean grinned. "I already packed one. Just in case."  
Cas laughed. "Presumptuous little shit."

"I'm presuming all kinda shit about you," Dean grinned and winked, stepping back, then walking to his car.

Dean got in his car, checking his phone, which had been buzzing in his back pocket. He had 6 messages and read and responded to each one quickly before heading to Cas'.

Charlie- OMG! U 2 r totes adorbs! 

Dean- Shut up. And I know.

Chuck- Glad you found someone, Dean. You two are super cute!

Dean wanted to text him to shut up, but instead sent- Thanks man!

Jason- Cas is cool! I see major good vibes there, bro.

Dean- Very much. Thx man!

Jo- You dick! I had to tell three different chicks that you aren't available. And damn, he's hot!

Dean just shook his head at that one. No reply.

Ash- very cool dude. 

Dean smirked, again, no reply.

Benny- Hey, maybe we can get together this weekend. Feel like maybe I left the wrong impression.

Dean- Sure. Will let you know.

Dean tried not to be annoyed with his friend, but he had a sinking suspicion this was going to turn into a friggin mess.  
He shut off the phone and pushed the thoughts from his mind. He had a hot date to get to. The promise of Cas' hands being on him again in a few minutes propelled him toward post with a grin a mile wide.

 

Dean pulled into Cas' driveway, which was becoming more and more familiar. 

Dean chuckled as he slung his guitar over his shoulder. He was totally riding this gig as long as he could. If Cas thought it was hot, hot was what he was going to deliver.  
He knocked on the door and Cas answered it right away.  
His eyebrows raised as Dean stepped inside, guitar in tow.

"You gonna sing me a song?" Cas grinned.

"If that's what you want," Dean grinned cheekily.

Cas bit his lip and shook his head.

It melted Dean instantly. How could this intimidating bad-ass, look like a shy school boy in an instant. The fact that he could do this to him, made his heart thump so loud he wondered if Cas could hear it too. He was adorable. His heart slowed and his bulge grew. This man was doing things to Dean's insides that took his breath away.

He lifted the guitar off and leaned it against the wall slowly.  
When he stood, his eyes met with tranquil blue fire in Cas'. 

He dropped his bag next to the guitar case and reached for Cas. Cas was soft and warm, unhurried, like before.  
Their lips met in a now familiar kiss.

"I think I could kiss you for an eternity and still want more," Cas said.

"I agree," Dean murmured, stepping closer into his space, running his hands along Cas' back.

His bandaged fingers came up to push him gently in the direction of his bedroom.

Dean let himself be steered and pulled back the hall and into Cas' room. They undressed and got into bed with a lot of looking, but no words.

Cas looked like he wanted to say something and Dean could feel the desire emanating from him. Cas leaned over him, tracing a finger over his forehead and down his cheek. "You are more handsome than I can even say."

Dean blushed. 

"My friends had a good time telling me how hot you are. But I already knew that. They have no idea how gorgeous you really are. How...you make me feel." Dean clamped his mouth closed, not used to saying such things to someone. Cas overwhelmed him.

Cas leaned down and kissed him. Dean could feel his heart swell. An expansion in his chest. A need growing stronger by the second. Cas climbed over him, lining their bodies up. All the hot skin touching skin made them both take a deep breath.

"I want you," Cas said quietly, kissing him harder.   
Dean knew exactly what he meant and was more than on board to do it. He pushed his way up from under Cas, turning them so he was on top now. "Do you have lube?"

"Yes," Cas said, pointing to a drawer. 

Dean opened the drawer, seeing a handgun, books, framed pictures and with some rummaging, lube and condoms.

He got what he wanted and turned back to Cas. He laid what he would need off to the side and pulled Cas into him.

"You done this before?" Dean asked.

"Not for a long time," Cas admitted.

"Well, you never came like this before," Dean grinned, making Cas shiver.

Dean moved over him in plank position, only touching at their lips and his heavy penis dangling to touch Cas'.

Cas lifted his bandaged hand to touch Dean, Dean catching it and pinning his wrist to the bed. His other hand came up and Dean caught it, lacing his fingers into Cas' and pinning it to the bed. "Play nice," Dean said, lifting his head away. He asked with his eyes, Cas nodding minutely. Dean let go of his wrist and the hand stayed. Their hands that were laced together, Dean lifted to his mouth, kissing Cas' fingers, hand, wrist, forearm, upper arm and shoulder. He put the hand on the mattress and Cas kept it there, making Dean grin. He kissed his way down Cas' chest, stopping to mouth and kiss each scar. He took his time, Cas watching him and relaxing and tensing with expectation at the same time. He walked his hands down the bed, sitting on his knees and rubbing his hands down Cas' legs as his mouth nipped at his inner thighs. He spread Cas' legs, flexing his knees and lubed his fingers. He held one leg up, rubbing along his thigh as the other hand rubbed up and down across Cas' hole. "So sexy," he praised, Cas grinding his hips up in response. "Oh yeah, move that ass." Cas writhed more, thrusting his hips upwards.

Dean circled and massaged the rim. One finger slid in and Cas continued to buck his hips slowly. "So sexy."

"Dean," Cas moaned. 

"I got you," Dean cooed, "you just wait until I say so." The command was cushioned with his sweet tone of voice and pleasurable hands. One finger in and moving and Dean added a second. Cas puffed out a little breath. Dean bit and sucked inside his thighs as his two fingers slid in and out, opening. Cas was eager and it drove Dean wild that his hands were right where Dean had left them. Three fingers slid in.

"Dean! I'm ready!" Cas panted.

"No, no, not yet," Dean chided. "I have a big dick, remember," he said, spreading his fingers wider to stretch.

"Fuck," Cas panted.

"You just wait mister." Dean stroked and Cas fucked himself onto Dean's hand. Dean slid a finger, finding a nub inside and Cas arched, crying out.

"Oh yeah, that's what I was looking for," he grinned, rubbing it again.

"Dean! I'm gonna come if you don't stop!"

Dean relaxed his fingers and slid them out, Cas trembling.  
Dean lubed his dick and got into position with an eager grin. 

"You don't come until I say so," Dean grinned. He leaned back on his haunches and stopped, sucking Cas' dick down to the base.

"You just wait, Dean. Payback is a bitch!" Cas said through gritted teeth.

Dean pulled off and quickly pressed his dick into Cas. He went slow and steady, watching Cas beneath him adjust and breathe.

Dean seated himself fully and Cas' eyes ticked up to meet his.

Dean slid back and in slow. "You feel so good, Cas, so good."

"Dean," Cas managed, he was shaking beneath him, his hips rocked in an effort for more. 

"You want more, baby, I got more." Dean pulled back and slammed in. Cas cried out, eyes flying open and hands fisting in their frozen places. 

Again and again. The hot tightness squeezing Dean's cock was overwhelming. It was hard to keep his own eyes open. "Use those hands Cas."

Cas growled and his hands sprang to Dean's hips, holding him firm. Dean snapped his hips even quicker, seeing the need in Cas' face, his feet wrapping around behind him and egging him deeper and faster.

Dean snapped upward and Cas cried out again. "Did I find your sweet spot?" Dean grinned. Cas' dick was angry red and leaking.

"Yeah," Cas panted.

"Are you ready to come?" Dean growled, getting lower over him, Cas taking his mouth, hands in his hair and whining.

Dean mustered his strength and snapped his hips faster and harder, smacking skin making him want to come. 

"Come, Cas," Dean coaxed, biting his lip in concentration.

A gasping sound erupted from the shaking mess of a man below him. His ass quaked and warm, wet heat spread between their bellies where Cas' cock was pinned. Dean snapped even harder, growling and coming in hot waves that made him lose his mind. They both rocked, taking that last orgasmic wave and Dean collapsed on top of Cas. They both panted a few breaths and Dean pulled out. 

"Shit..." Dean winced.

"What?" Cas mumbled.

"I forgot to use the condom. I was so caught up, I...sorry, Cas."

Cas shrugged a shoulder. "I'm clean. But I'll go get tested just to be safe."

"Me too," Dean said, kissing him. "Cause that was incredible. And I wanna do it again."

Cas laughed. "I'm making you wait."

Dean giggled. "Ah, you liked it."

"I did," Cas sighed, "but be warned, I'm trained in ways to hurt people just right."

Dean's dick gave a mighty jerk, making him laugh. So, rough play. They were into rough play. A little pain to go with a lot of pleasure. Some limitations and demands.   
Dean grinned. This could be so fun.

"God," Dean said, kissing Cas. "Where have you been all my life?"

Cas kissed him back. They cleaned up and cuddled together tight, feeling warm, sated and happy. Dean's hand slid slowly up and down Cas' back, up over his shoulder all the way down over his butt. Cas turned, spooning into him and Dean wrapped him into his arms. He had denied whispers, nudges of it before, but now, it was plain as the nose on his face. He was falling in love. He wanted nothing but Cas. The rest of the world could drop off for a week and he knew it would not be long enough. He wanted to sleep here every night, wake here every morning. He kissed Cas' head tenderly and felt his sigh of contentment. Cas had ruined him. He had never in his life felt anywhere near what he was feeling now. No one had ever connected so intimately with him before. 

There had always been a dullness to what he felt for people. Cas was like taking off your sunglasses and seeing the world in true color. Everything was lighter, brighter. He fell asleep with a grin. He was...happy.

An alarm chirped and Dean woke to find himself flat on his back, tangled in Cas. Cas rolled away to hit the alarm and rolled back, snuggling in deeper. "One snooze," he grumbled.

"Okay," Dean said, carding his fingers through Cas' hair.

Another sound buzzed and Cas jerked automatically. He grabbed his phone and read something. It rang and he answered it. "Yeah,"

Dean wondered what was being said.

"I understand," Cas said.

"I'll be in. No. You get General Glass out of bed, I'm not doing shit without his direct orders."

Dean sat up, alert now.

"Yes, sir."

Cas laid the phone down and turned to look at Dean. "I'm being pulled to an op in Cosovo. I have no idea when I will be back."

"So much for desk duty," Dean murmured, his heart aching already.

"It could very well be desk work...but still undercover. Or Fer is just fucking with me. He's such a dick."

Dean was surprised. "Was that Major Fer on the phone?"

"Yes."

"You refused an order and demanded he get the general?" Dean asked, shocked.

"Fer is a trouble-making dick. I want confirmation. I have every right. Besides, he's after my head since I got his buddy Warren dishonorably discharged."

"Warren did that to himself," Dean said, running a calming hand down Cas' now tense shoulder. His whole body relaxed, seeing Dean again and feeling him.

"Two minutes," Cas said, pulling Dean down. "I want two minutes to hold you."

"Five," Dean countered, Cas humming in agreement. 

Dean spent his five minutes memorizing every curve of Cas. The feel of his hair, his smell of clean air and honey. 

"I'm sorry I have to go," Cas said.

"How long?" 

"Not sure. He said...I'm guessing a week. Maybe more."

"No contact?"

"No," Cas said, kissing Dean's lips. "No contact."

Dean nodded. This was their life. "Cas, if there is anything you can do...I'm deploying in three months. I'd really like to spend as much of that time as possible with you."

Cas nodded, their eyes searching each other. 

They drug themselves out of bed and got ready for PT, heading off in opposite directions. Before leaving, Dean had kissed him one last time.

"Be safe, Cas. Come home."

"I will," Cas nodded, kissing him with an almost desperate passion.

 

Now, behind the wheel, life awake and moving around him, he felt a dread set in. Cas was leaving again.


	8. Friendly Fire

Chapter 8. Friendly Fire

By Friday afternoon, Dean was handling himself just fine.

"Winchester," Bobby called, walking by, "with me."

Dean hopped to, following him into his office. 

"Sit down, son."

Dean sat, not relaxed by any means. "Yes, sir?"

"Dean...what's goin on?" He shuffled a book to the side and leaned forward on his elbows. "You ain't in any kinda trouble. But I know you. Somethin's up."

Dean evaded his keen eyes. Settling for staring at a Bonsai tree on the corner of his desk. "Sorry, Bobby, I thought I was doing fine."

"Out with it."

"I'm seeing someone and they...it's been..."

"They in the Army"

"Yeah."

"Officer?"

Dean sighed.

"Damnit, Dean. Don't answer that."

Bobby chewed something nonexistent in his mouth. "Who is it?" He asked, looking more than curious, then waving him off, "Never mind, I don't want to know!"

"They keep getting orders out and it's been...frustrating."

"So that's why I had to replace my bottle Jack, 2 lug wrenches, and the coffee pot?"

Dean furrowed his brow. Okay, maybe he wasn't handling things as well as he thought. "Sorry."

"You gotta stow your shit, Dean. You got people lookin' at you right now. I'm trying to get you promoted to Warrant Officer, son." Bobby's voice had gone gentler.

Dean nodded. "I'm good. I got it."

"Why don't you stop by my place this weekend. We'll skype Sam and harass him a little."

Dean nodded. "That would be great. I could use some time off post. And not at the Roadhouse."

"Sunday morning. We can fish."

Dean nodded.

"Get outta here, Winchester."

"Yes, sir."

Dean hopped up, heading for the bay and his check list of vehicles lined up for the rest of the day. 'Stow your shit. It's all good.' 

 

Dean was done for the day and slid behind the wheel of his baby. He wanted to just drive. He needed to clear his head. His phone buzzed.

Benny- Want to come over tomorrow and hang?

Dean- sounds good

Dean pulled into his carport and went inside. He immediately knew someone was there. Nothing was out of place, but he knew. He walked into the living room, looking around. "Hello?"

"Hey!"

Dean's heart lifted a mile. "Sam?"

Sam stepped out of his room, jogging toward Dean, hugging him tight.

"What the hell, man?" Dean grinned, hugging his giant little brother back.

"I didn't know you were coming!"

"Surprise!" Sam grinned, backing up.

"Jesus! You just keep getting taller! Damn, Sammy!"

Sam grinned. "I'm on Thanksgiving break!"

Thanksgiving! Dean had had so much going on that the holiday snuck up on him.

"You flew?"

"Yeah! I've been working a lot at this research place. The work sucks, but I make decent money and flew home."

Dean put both hands on his head, smiling. "Dude! I am stoked! I been needin' some Sammy time!"

"I have a phone, ya know. I hardly ever hear from you. What's new?"

Dean reeled a bit. He had a lot to tell Sam. And there was no better time than now.

"A lot, man. Let me change. We can go get some dinner."

"Cool. I'm starved."

Dean laughed. Sam was always hungry. Ever since he turned 11. Kid never quit eating. Probably because he insisted on eating rabbit food. Who could get full on a salad?

He changed into jeans and a t-shirt. He headed back out to the living room and sat down.

Sam was sprawled on a recliner, reading a book. "Is this yours? Since when have you been able to read...whatever this is."

Dean snagged the book. "It's Russian." Cas must have left it there. The thought made him grin a little. He had left something here. 'My God, I'm turning into a total sap.'

"It's Cas'."

"Is Cas your big news?" Sam asked.

"What?" Dean asked, sitting the book down.

"I asked what was new and you said a lot. Spill, Dean. What's up?"

Dean rubbed his neck nervously. "Yeah. Well, I've been seeing someone."

Sam sat up, his face alerted now. "Not Lisa," he said nervously. Sam had never really meshed well with Lisa, which had caused some friction between the brothers.

"No. No Lisa." Dean sat down on the couch. "I've been seeing a guy." There. It was out. Again. Every time it felt like ripping off a band-aid.

"Oh, who?" Sam asked, totally unfazed.

"You're not surprised?" Dean asked, picking at a lose thread at the hem of his shirt.

"Uh...not really. I mean...I remember Mike. And it's been all girls since then, but after Dad, I figured you were denying you like guys or had really changed your mind. The happiest I ever saw you was with Mike though. What ever happened to him?"

"I don't know," Dean said, watching Sam watch him. "I never talked to him after we broke up. I was afraid dad might kill him. Or me."

Sam scooted to the edge of his seat. "You know Dad was wrong, right? For treating you the way he did."

"I know."

"I never forgave him for that."

"I know."

"Well, I'm glad you could move on. So, tell me about him."

Dean took a deep breath. It felt good to just be able to talk to someone who really knew him. "Well, he is so not my type." Dean laughed.

Sam sat back, grinning. "Why?"

"He's a Ranger-"

"That sounds like your type."

Dean rolled his eyes. "He's in intelligence. He speaks like 8 languages."

"Really?" Sam laughed.

"Yeah. Everyone describes him as 'intense', but he's...yeah. Well, he is intense some times."

Sam nodded. "We should have him come to dinner with us."

"He's out. Deployed. I don't know when he'll be back."

Sam nodded.

"Yeah. That happens a lot."

Sam scrunched his mouth. "I hope I get to meet him."

"Me too," Dean sighed.

They went for dinner, Dean getting a feel for Sam's new life at Stanford. He seemed to be doing really well. He was working, getting good grades, and had some friends. Dean was proud and happy for him.

 

Saturday morning, Sam and Dean headed to Benny's.  
Benny was in his garage, working on his lawn mower.

"Hey!" Sam called.

"Hi Sam! Dean." Benny grinned, "How's school?"

"Good! Real good. I'm just stopping in to say hi. I gotta see if one of my buddies is home."

Benny waved as Sam headed down the row of houses to his friend's.

"What's wrong with the mower?" Dean asked.

"Nothin. Winterizing it."

Dean nodded. He had hoped the mower might distract them. "Come on in," Benny said, Dean following him inside.

They sat in Benny's living room and Dean pulled his phone out, glancing at it to be sure Cas had not texted. He had texted him, letting him know his little brother was in town.

"Sam looks good," Benny said, looking nervous.

"Yeah."

Benny sat on the coffee table in front of Dean, making Dean scowl immediately.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry for not bein' too keen on Cas."

Dean nodded.

"I just wanted to be sure ya knew I was just lookin' out for ya."

Dean nodded again. "Okay."

"I just, Lisa I get. She's pretty. You gave it a shot and it just didn't work. But this Cas guy...he just seems so...Like maybe you are with someone you know is not really available."

"He's available," Dean said sternly.

"But not really. Where is he today?"

"He's deployed, Benny. I get it. You don't like the guy. But I do. A lot."

"Dean. He's an officer. You gonna risk your career over this?" Benny was sitting forward, sporting a pinched expression. "You know betta, brotha."

Dean huffed. "I'm taking college classes. I'll have my degree in a few months." This was a loophole Dean was clinging to.

Benny sat back. "You gonna be an O1? Take a demotion for a human intelligence collector? A Ranger?"

Dean gritted his teeth, his jaw muscles clenching. He was right. To go from E5 to O1 was technically a demotion. And all for a shaky relationship. "I've been workin' on my degree for years. E5 or E6 doesn't mean shit in the civilian world, Benny."

Benny's jaw dropped slightly. "You pullin' out some time soon?"

Dean sighed. "Yeah, Benny. I'm not gonna be a lifer. I'm the only family Sam has, ya know. Every time I'm deployed...I risk leaving him alone."

A somber silence fell between them. More and more, Dean wanted to settle down. Somehow. Somewhere. With...someone. He was paying for his degree on his own in order to not owe the Army more years of his life. While enlisting in the Army had been exactly what he wanted and needed, he was getting older. Changing. He had learned he was not as disposable as he had once felt. But he and Benny had talked many times about being lifers in the Army. Dean was sure this all seemed like a huge change to him.

Benny nodded. "Okay," he stood up, sitting on the other end of his couch. Dean knew better than to think this conversation was over. Or accepted by Benny. But it was enough for now. "Wanna watch some TV? Or work on the mower?"

"Yeah, let's fix that pressure washer too. I think I know what's wrong with it."


	9. Demobilized

Songs and lyrics in this chapter that I do not own-  
Fare Thee Well, by Oscar Isaac (this is my favorite version, most like the one Chuck sings on Supernatural)

 

Chapter 9. Demobilized

Dean woke to the sound of his alarm. He hit the top of it, turning it off and sitting up on the side of his bed. He checked his phone. Nothing. Cas had been gone for three weeks now. Dean was burnt out thinking about it. He got up and got his PT clothes on and headed to the kitchen for coffee. He sat down at his kitchen table and played a new word in the online scrabble game he had going with Sam. He laid the phone down and looked out the window. Sam would be home tonight for Christmas break. He was glad. But he was still feeling empty from Cas' long absence. Gabe would tell him if anything serious had happened, but Dean still worried. And this Christmas break would be the last Dean saw of Sam for a year. He was deploying to Syria in January. He would be gone for around a year. Then, he needed to make his decision to stay in the Army or get out. He had finished his own college classes and had been told he needed one more class to graduate with a degree in mechanical engineering. He had been more than pissed at his own over-sight in his classes. It would have to wait. So, a public relationship with Cas would have to wait too. His pre-deployment antsy-ness was setting in. He was ready for Syria. He just wasn't ready to not be here.

PT was grueling. The closer their unit came to combat time, the more stringent their work-outs and field tasks became. He was sweaty and covered in mud. Not his favorite way to drive Baby home.

He showered and left for work. It was Friday and Dean was ready for the week to be done. 

Work plodded along in the car pool bay. Next week was Charlie's wedding, and he was walking her down the aisle. His tux was hanging in the closet, ready to go. Charlie's parents had died when she was young. She had grown up in foster care. His friendship with her had been instantaneous. She got all his pop culture references and he got all her video game references. They were both snarky and a bit jaded. And they had both migrated to the military life seeking a family. She was the little sister he never had. Sam was a groomsman and they needed to get his suit tomorrow. 

"Sam comin' home tonight?" Benny said, distracting Dean from his inventory sheet. 

"Yep. Picking him up as soon as I get off." Dean said, not looking up at Benny. Their friendship had been strained. Benny was trying but Dean just could not get past their differences about Cas. 

"Want some company? For the ride?" Benny offered.

"No, man. Thanks. Just pickin' him up and comin' home," Dean said, giving Benny a patient smile.

"Alright. See ya Saturday then," Benny grinned, walking away.

Yeah. Saturday was going to suck. Suit shopping and then Christmas shopping. Dinner at Bobby's and Benny would be there for all of it. Any other year Dean would only dread the shopping. But Bobby's attentive observations, Sam's 'let's talk’s, and Benny's hovering had Dean feeling claustrophobic about the whole damn day. 

He sighed, signing his last inventory list. Truth be told, he was cranky because he was in massive Cas withdrawal. And he refused to talk about that with any of them. After all, he had chosen to get involved with Cas knowing full well that this was how his life was. So, suck it up and deal with it. But every day that ticked closer to his deployment, made Dean's hopes sink.

 

Saturday, in Dean's brain, was like wearing wool. It made him itch and squirm. He was irritated and trying not show it. Sam ignored it for the most part and even covered for his snippy attitude several times. Benny was the wool. 

And Bobby just glared at him several times. He was trying. He really was.

 

Sunday morning started with a long run by the river with Sam. Neither talked much. Sam was giving him space. But the space was becoming like a balloon that was too full and he knew it was going to pop. After five quiet miles, the two stopped for a water break.

"All signed up for next semester classes?" Dean asked, wiping his forehead with his sweatshirt sleeve.

"Yep," Sam said, guzzling water.

"We need to go over the bill for next semester. Get all your scholarship crap lined up on there."

Sam laughed. "That scholarship crap is saving me a ton."

Dean laughed. "A shit-ton ya damn brainiack."

They stood, watching the water. It was cold out and the park was fairly empty.

"Dean," Sam said.

'Fuck. Here we go.'

"Where is Cas?"

Dean huffed. "I don't know, man." Dean could hear the defeat in his own voice. He hated it. He sounded pathetic. He cleared his voice. "He's deployed. For who knows how long."

Sam nodded. "Are you going to see him before you deploy?"

"At this rate? I have no idea." Now he sounded bitter. 

"Are you guys still a thing?" Sam asked, "Or are you two not that serious?"

Dean took a drink of water. His eyes stayed glued to the bank. The water looked cold. It made him shiver. "I don't know Sam. When he's here, it seems pretty serious. When he's not...it's hard."

"Are you seeing anyone else?"

"No!" Dean scowled. Then he realized how scandalized that came out.

"Okay," Sam laughed. "Just trying to keep up."

"Well you can't keep up with me," Dean grinned, slapping him on the shoulder and taking off. Sam sprinted to catch up and the awkward conversation was finally over.

 

Thursday night at dinner, Dean was laughing hard at Sam telling a story about his roommate, Kevin. The kid was even geekier than Sam!

"I gotta meet this kid!"

"Oh, God, no!" Sam laughed. "You would scare the shit outta him!"

"Oh, it's so on. I'm just gonna show up one day and say his mother sent me!'

Sam laughed so hard he was crying. Dean heard a knock at the door. "If that's my nutty-ass neighbor," Dean griped, going to the door. His neighbor's wife, Becky, was a strange bird. She always seemed to be lurking around. And she liked Sam just a little too much. Dean swore she got a job at the Roadhouse just to spy on them.

He pulled the door open and the laughter left his face.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said. He looked tired. Run-down. His hair was an adorable mess and he still had his digies on.

"Cas!" Dean's heart re-started and he stepped back, letting him in.

"How are you?" Cas asked, hat in fidgeting hands.

"I'm good. I'm better, now that you're here!" Cas' shoulders relaxed a bit and he smiled shyly.

Dean wondered where he had been. What had he done. Had he interrogated people? Was he interrogated or captured again? He swallowed the questions, knowing the answers were classified. He pulled him in, hugging him tight. Cas' arms wrapped around him immediately. They just stood in the hallway for several moments, holding each other. Dean ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it and sighing. He had him. Even for just that moment, he had him.

"I missed you," Dean whispered, breathing in his smell of honey and fresh air.

"I missed you," Cas breathed out in a long sigh.

They broke apart, Dean fixing his collar and grinning. It was like he had air again. Like the lights had come back on.

"Come on, I have someone for you to meet," Dean said, pressing his hand to the small of Cas' back.

"You have company?" Cas asked.

"No, not company." They walked into the kitchen where Sam got to his feet. "Cas, this is my brother, Sam. Sam, Cas."

"Wow!" Sam said, smiling and reaching out a hand to shake. "It's good to finally meet you!"

"And you as well," Cas smiled warmly, shaking his hand.

"Sit," Dean said. "Would you like coffee? I can make some."

"Yes. Please," Cas answered with a tired grin.

Dean busied himself at the coffee pot.

"So...I heard you speak like eight languages," Sam said.

"I do," Cas nodded. "And you have finished your first semester of college?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded.

"That's wonderful. Are you liking California?"

"Yeah. It's very...laid back. And moving from military brat to college student was pretty easy."

Dean had to grin. Sam considered himself an army brat. And he was under Dean's guardianship, making it a true statement. He joined the two, waiting on the pot of coffee to brew.

"How are you?" Dean asked, Cas giving him a weary look.

"I'm tired. I was really busy. And travel. But I'm on desk duty."

"That's good," Dean murmured. "How's your hand?"

Cas lifted his left hand. The splints and bandages were slimmer than they had been. "Healing nicely, they say."

They had a cup of coffee and kept conversation going easily. Dean found himself just sitting back and watching. Yeah. He could get used to this. His two favorite people. 

Finishing his coffee, Sam excused himself to his room for the night. Cas tipped and rocked his empty mug on the table, deep in thought.

"Want another cup?" Dean asked.

"No. And the caffeine in that did nothing for me. I just need to sleep."

"Let's go to bed," Dean said, running a hand up his arm and squeezing softly.

"Dean, it's too early for you to go to bed."

"I'd rather watch you sleep, than stay up another minute." Dean wrinkled his brow. "That didn't sound so creepy in my head."

Cas chuckled. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure," Dean stood, pulling him to his feet. 

 

After a hot shower and a brief make-out session, Dean found himself lying awake and watching Cas sleep. The lines of stress around his eyes and forehead disappeared as he slept, puffing gentle bits of air. Dean held him close, marveling at the weight of Cas' head on his chest and his damp hair so warm and delicious against his skin. His hand ran gentle stripes up and down his arm. Dean sighed. He felt a nervous contentment. Content in the knowledge that this felt more right than anything he had ever done for himself in his life. Nervous because in some small, hushed way, Cas seemed distant. It was a subtle change. It could be that Cas was exhausted. Or his mind was elsewhere from whatever mission he had been on. It could be Dean overthinking things or being ridiculous. Either way...there was a warning bell sounding quietly in the back of his mind. But more than anything else, the weight and heat of the body half wrapped around him felt better than anything. 

Dean kissed the top of Cas' head lightly. This was so good. And good things did happen. They did. Look at Sammy getting into Stanton. With scholarships. Good things happened for Sam. Good things could happen for him too. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

The next morning, Dean's alarm went off and he woke, untangling himself from Cas and hitting it. He turned back, snuggling back down with Cas. Cas' blue eyes were open and he yawned.

"Morning," Dean said, deep and scratchy.

"Morning," Cas echoed the same sleepy morning rumble.

Cas sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawned again. "I gotta go home and get dressed for PT."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. See you tonight?"

Cas turned to him. "Unfortunately, no. I have a family thing with Gabriel." 

Dean's hopes sank. Nervousness bled back into his consciousness. "Oh, okay," he said lightly. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and got to his feet.

"Maybe tomorrow then," he said, trying to sound non-comital about it.

"Hopefully," Cas smiled crookedly. He also got to his feet.  
Dean rounded the bed, kissing him chastely. He wanted to ask more. He wanted to know what had Cas so reserved. He wanted to know everything. But if Cas wasn't offering, he wasn't asking. Clearly they weren't there yet. He went into his bathroom and shut the door. He knew Cas would leave. There was no time to get into any kind of long discussion anyway.

As Dean brushed his teeth more vigorously than was necessary, his nerves prickled at the fact that Dean had introduced him to his brother and Cas was choosing to do family things without him. So...they weren't there either. Where exactly were they? Boyfriends? Or was this just a longer hook-up than he was used to. He dressed and headed to the kitchen for coffee. Cas was gone. Dean's borrowed clothes folded neatly on top of the bed and Cas' clothes no longer strewn across his bedroom floor.

 

That evening, Dean went to the roadhouse for a drink. He sat at the bar, not having made any plans to meet anyone. Sam was shopping with Jo for Christmas stuff. 

On his third beer, someone sat in the seat next to him. 

"Hey, brotha," Benny said, lightly.

Dean sighed. "Hey Benny."

"Yo lookin' down tonight." Benny patted his shoulder and then put his hands on the bar, folded together. He ordered a drink and turned back to Dean. "Whatcha doin?"

"Nothin. Just needed a drink." 

"You playin' tomora night with Jason?"

"Yeah."

Benny nodded.

Benny turned, facing out into the bar. He watched the thin crowd as the two sat silently. "Here comes your shiny angel," Benny said dully.

Dean turned, looking over his shoulder. Cas strode toward him.

"Hello, Dean. Benny."

"Hey," they both answered.

"Dean, can we talk?" Cas said. Something in his tone brooked the feeling that this could not wait.

"Sure," Dean said. He stood up, leaving the last of his beer and followed Cas outside. There were picnic tables outside but they were empty. Most likely because it was too chilly.

"Thought you were busy tonight," Dean said, walking slowly through the parking lot.

"I was. But this could not wait. I had to speak to you."

Dean glanced at him. Why did that sound so ominous?

"Dean," Cas said firmly, stopping the slow amble, Dean following suit and looking at him. "I'm leaving next week."

Dean tensed. "Okay," he said. He wanted to shout, 'no!' but held it at bay.

"I'm not sure how long I will be gone. A week maybe."

"Okay," Dean said.

Cas sighed, looking away and then back. "I can't keep doing this."

"What?" Dean asked, holding his poker face of emotions.

"Us." His jaw clenched and unclenched. He shifted weight from one foot to the other.

Dean felt suddenly ice cold.

"I'm just not willing to risk my career over this. Us."

Dean's tongue felt thick and dry.

Cas shrugged a shoulder. "Fer knows. He threatened to file a complaint."

"Because I'm enlisted," Dean clarified weakly.

"Yes," Cas said.

"We've been so careful!" Dean countered.

"Well, not careful enough," Cas said tightly. "Fer is having a fucking field day with this information."

Dean's blood ran cold.

"Look," Cas said gently, "I know I was your first guy as an adult. But you'll find more-"

"Shut up!" Dean snapped. He was shivering and suddenly nothing in his life made sense.

"Dean," Cas pleaded, head tipping to the side with worried eyes. "You-"

"You don't know shit about me," Dean snapped. "Don't...just...don't."

Cas' mouth closed into a pressed thin line. Dean stepped back, distancing himself. His thoughts kept spinning.  
"Cas, we can-"

"We can not," Cas said firmly, not meeting his eyes. "I'm a Ranger. I'm an officer. I have a major mission going on and I can not afford to jeopardize everything in my life for a 'maybe' relationship with an E5."

Dean's chill switched gears and he quickly heated up into an angry inferno. So, Benny was right. He was putting himself out there, opening his heart, his body, for someone that was not available. Dean took a step back, distancing himself from Cas. He had gone out on a limb only to have the entire freakin tree crumble beneath him.

Cas shoved his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground. His eyes were dark. "Dean, I'm sorry."

That only flared the anger inside Dean. "So, why did you sleep with me last night, Cas? You...Ya know what, Cas, you can take your apology and shove it up your ass."

"Dean-" Cas raised his head, his eyes swimming. "I-"

"Fuck you, Cas," Dean said, taking off at a brisk walk toward his car. His head was spinning. He thought about holding Cas just last night. The thoughts of what he could have had. How perfect it had felt. How right. He got to his car and got in, slamming the door shut. He started the car and backed out. In his rearview mirror, he saw Cas walking away. His head was down and he looked defeated. "Your loss you fucking douche. Fucking Rangers," Dean gritted. Eyes forward, he peeled out of the gravel parking lot, throwing gravel. 

He got onto the highway and just drove. He had no where to go. He wanted to see no one. Talk to no one. 

Eventually, he pulled over at a lake. It was 2am and no one was around. He had shut his phone off hours ago. He sat on the hood of the car, staring off over the lake. Cas had dumped him. For rank and his job. Dean wanted to be angrier than he could manage. He was tired. Defeated. Three hours from home and feeling more lost than ever before. He had willingly opened himself up to someone. Came out of the closet. And it was all for nothing. Worse than nothing. 

It hurt. 

Tears ran down his face. He wiped down his face angrily, sniffing. He shook off the sad sap moment and glared across the lake. Black water lapped lazily. Dean took a deep breath and got back in the car. He had to go home. At this point he was only going to get a half hour nap before he would need to be lined up for morning PT. 

Fucking awesome.

As the highway passed in a haze of lines and headlights. Dean hardened his heart. Built his walls back up. He would move on. But deep down, he knew his walls were weak and his anger was weakened with sadness. Cas' face swam in his memory. His blue eyes. Messy hair. Morning voice. The feel of his hard abs and warm skin. The feel of his warm lips. The way Cas could shake him apart and make him... He snapped the memories away, cranking the music up louder. 'Stow your shit. Stow your shit.' 

 

Two days later, Dean and Sam were at the PX getting some Christmas decorations. They had unpacked their rather pathetic supply of decorations and decided it was time to add to their sad little tree. Dean suspected Sam may only be trying to keep him busy. He had told Sam what had happened between he and Cas. It had annoyed Dean to even talk about it, but since Sam had met and heard about Cas, there was no getting out of that particular bro moment. Sam was lost in the book section and Dean wandered over to the electronics. There was nothing there he wanted. What he wanted could not be found behind any glass.

"Hey there," came a voice that made Dean close his eyes and take in a steadying breath before he schooled his features and turned around.

"Hi. Sir."

Gabe stood there, basket loaded with liquorish and candy, wearing a passive face. "How are you?"

"Good. You?"

Gabe glanced around and stepped closer, his face more serious than usual. "Heard about you and Cas. Sorry it didn't work out."

Dean's jaw muscles locked and unlocked. He stared hard at the man.

Gabe sighed, rolling his eyes. "He's under Fer's thumb, man. The guy has it out for him. Friggin Lucifer, I call him."

Dean nodded.

"Look, I wanted you to know that Cas did not want to do this. The you...dumping thing." 

Dean raised one eyebrow. Jaw still clenching.

"He's being deployed."

Dean's anger hitched a moment, concern creeping in. 

"When?"

"January 20th."

Dean's mind started dipping in different directions. Maybe they would be deployed the same place? Or maybe Cas knew he was leaving again and had decided to drop the ball and chain of a relationship. And then there was Fer.

Sam interrupted his thoughts, walking up to Dean and waving at Gabe.

"Hi!" Sam said.

"And who might you be?" Gabe said, lighting up.

"Sam," Dean said flatly, "this is Cas' brother, Major Gabriel. This is my brother, Sam." 

Sam's expression darkened. "Wish I could say it was nice to meet you," Sam said tightly, "but your brother is such a dick that I just can't convince myself that it is nice to meet you."

Dean's jaw dropped and he stepped back slightly. "Sam!"

Gabe's eyebrows skyrocketed. His mouth spread into a wide grin. "I like this kid. Tells you how it really is!" Gabe laughed.

Sam looked neither embarrassed nor impressed.

"Look, kid, this is big-boy business. I'm sure you can give us a minute," Gabe said, tilting his head.

Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sammy," Dean intoned, "take a walk, man."

Sam left, taking his time as Gabe watched him the whole way down the aisle.

"Dean," Gabe laughed, "your brother's kinda a dick!"

"Yeah. So's yours."

"Touché!" Gabe nodded. "Well, as fun as this has been, I just wanted to be sure you knew Cas has more going on than just you."

Dean huffed. "Yeah, I got that."

Gabe rolled his eyes dramatically. "Not what I meant Winchester. Just...if you really want more of something, sometimes you really gotta push for it. Ya know?" Gabe grinned, winked and walked away.

Dean turned back around to stare blankly into the iPhone case. 'Is Gabe telling me to push for Cas? Should I?'

"Hey," Sam said.

"Come on, ya big moose. And don't ever act like that to a Major again. You're gonna get me friggin court marshaled."

Sam shoved his hands in his pockets, walking with Dean. "He deserved it. And if I see that Cas guy again-"

"You'll chill the fuck out and do nothing!" Dean growled. "I do not need you to clean up my shit. I can take care of myself, damnit."

"Okay, okay," Sam surrendered. "Sorry. I just get...defensive."

Dean shook his head with a wry grin. Little Sammy, his great defender.

 

That weekend at the Roadhouse, Dean had agreed to sing one song with Jason. 

As he perched onto a stool, he decided to play a slow song. He glanced out into the crowd and his stomach clenched when he saw blue eyes looking back at him. Cas was sitting at a back table. One elbow perched on the table, his hand covering his mouth in a loose fist. His eyes were not lustful or wide with expectation, like he had seen before when he played. They were lidded and dark. He was hurting. Dean knew those eyes well enough to know. But he never looked away.

Dean turned back to Jason, away from his mic. "You playin' Fare Thee Well tonight?"

Jason shook his head no. Dean asked with a look if he could play it and Jason nodded.

Dean turned around and sat himself fully on the stool. He strummed the chords, remembering them and then sang:

'If I had wings like Noah's dove  
I'd fly up the river to the one I love  
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well.’

He only let his gaze travel to Cas once, seeing his look had changed a bit.

‘The man I loved, was long and tall  
He moves his body like a cannon ball  
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

One of these days and it won't be long  
You'll Call my name and I'll be gone  
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

I remember one night, a drizzling rain  
Round my heart I felt an achin' pain  
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well

If I had wings like Noah's dove  
I'd fly up the river to the one I love  
Fare thee well, oh honey, fare thee well'

 

Dean did not want the song to be over so soon. He strummed the next entire part of the song lost in the sounds of music from his own guitar. Finishing, he stopped and looked up at Cas. His hand was clenched into a fist in front of his mouth. His eyes were more eager. Dean quickly glanced around at the rest of the cheering crowd. It was moments like this that he wondered what he had just played sounded like to others. He had heard every note, but he was so immersed in the feel of it, that he could not recall exactly how it had sounded.

He grinned and waved at the crowd, stood, nodded at Jason, and left the stage for the instrument hallway. 

He had no intentions of staying. He was heading home for a drink on his own back patio. His friends and a few beers were not going to cut it tonight. No. He had a bottle of whiskey on the counter, ready and waiting.

He slung the guitar case over his shoulder and headed out with his head down. Tomorrow was Charlie's wedding. He had shit to prepare and sorrows to drown.

He made his way out to his car and turned the heat on, rubbing his hands together to warm them.

He jumped when his passenger side door snapped open and Cas got in.

"What the hell, man?" Dean barked.

Cas was looking everywhere but at Dean.

"Please, Dean, just drive." Cas looked out the front windshield expectantly. Maybe desperately. 

Dean could only muster a bewildered sneer. "Dude, what the hell?"

They sat there a moment, silently.

Dean cleared his throat. "You want me to-"

"Yes."

"Just-"

"Please."

Dean sighed heavily. He put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot.

‘What is he doing in my car? Is this about us?' 

He glanced over at Cas. He was staring out the passenger window, his elbow on the window ledge with one finger crooked over his mouth. He wasn't saying anything. 

Dean huffed. "Where can I drop you off? Sir." He said bitterly.

Cas turned to him. "Please don't call me that."

"What the hell should I call you then?"

"Just...Cas. Dean, I'm sorry."

Dean sighed. 

"Don't go back on post," Cas said.

Dean glanced at him. "Where am I taking you? Cause I have a wedding tomorrow evening to get ready for."

"Right. Charlie. I was invited also."

"Yeah, well, don't bother."

Cas winced but nodded, looking out the window again.

Dean headed for the river. Not the Riverwalk this time. Just a stretch of river that no one else would be around.

"Dean, I must apologize for everything I said the other day."

"You mean the 'you're just a fuckin' E5 dirtbag, so get lost' crap?"

"Dean, that's not what I said," Cas pleaded.

"It's close enough. What the hell do you want, man?"

"Pull over," Cas said, jaw tightening and a steely look in his eyes.

"Yes, sir." Dean spat, pulling over at an ice cream shop that was long since closed down. The tiny parking lot was deserted and not lit, giving the place an abandoned feel.

He stopped abruptly close to the building, threw the car in park and glared at Cas.

"Can we talk?" Cas asked.

Dean laughed bitterly. "Shoot."

Cas sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his forehead. "Shooting would be easier than this."

"Well you're the one doing the car jacking here. If you wanted a stress free evening, you shoulda stayed in the bar."

Cas dropped his hand in his lap, turning to Dean. "I was wrong. I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"I can't...break up with you. Be without you. I just can't! I don't want to!"

Dean clenched his jaw again. He had been back and forth with Lisa like this. 

"Cas-"

"Dean!" Cas said forcefully, his eyes brimming with unshod tears. He leaned closer to Dean, his left arm on the back of the seat now. "I felt trapped. Fer taunted me nonstop in Cosovo. The entire time. And there wasn't shit I could say or do. He has me cornered. You and I would both lose our careers if he goes to the XO about us. Enlisted and officers can't-"

"I know the fuckin' rules, Cas. I knew that the moment I first checked you out."

"Me too!" Cas exclaimed, "but I did not have an enemy in Fer like I do now. He wants payback for me getting Warren dishonorably discharged."

Dean nodded. "I know. Gabe told me."

Cas slouched a bit. "Oh Dean. I didn't want to drag you down with me. And then I got orders to be deployed for four months...and...I just thought I should leave. Save you the trouble."

Cas swallowed thickly, he rubbed at his forehead again. "And I'm gone all the time anyway."

"You do disappear on the regular," Dean said quietly. His anger and annoyance were losing ground to how distraught Cas looked. Cas was trying to do what was right. But he had picked a hell of a way to do it. Dean felt feather-light touches on his shoulder and looked up at Cas. His hand was gently touching him and his eyes were pleading.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I was wrong. I wish I could take back everything I said about us breaking up. If I could go back in time and fix things, I would. I don't ever want to see the look of hurt and anger towards me that I see in your face now."

Dean rolled his eyes. It seemed everyone could read him like a book. But Cas was trying to fix things. And if Dean was honest with himself, he wanted that too. Right this instant. All forgiven. All forgotten. But his stubborn heart shied away from second chances.

"Cas. I get it. You were doing the right thing."

"What? No!"

"Cas," Dean turned in his seat, facing Cas. His right arm came up to rest over Cas'. "I can't ruin your career. As pissed as I am about what you said, it's the truth."

Cas' jaw dropped open slightly and real fear flared in his crystal blue eyes. "Then I will ruin my own career. I'll quit. I'll resign. I'll go AWOL!" Each idea came out more frantic than the next.

"Hey, hey," Dean said, scooting closer and putting his hand on Cas' cheek. "No one is going AWOL."

"I will," Cas said in a small voice. "I don't care what happens to me."

The desperate and raw look on Cas' face short-circuited Dean's already scattered thoughts. Dean leaned forward and kissed him, both hands hugging him in closer. Cas hugged him back, his hands clenching in Dean's hair and the back of his coat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, tears slipping down his cheeks.

"It's okay," Dean said back, wiping them away with his thumbs. And surprising himself, he meant it. He was over it. Just like that.

"I don't want to ever sleep in my own bed alone again!" Cas breathed between kisses.

"Me either."

Cas opened his mouth, Dean delving in with desperate kisses.

Dean leaned forward onto his knees and maneuvered Cas' left leg around him, then pulled Cas down onto his back on the front seat. They fought their own pants down, Dean taking Cas' the rest of the way off. 

"Dean," Cas whimpered, eyes still pleading.

"I got you," Dean whispered, kissing his neck. He could feel Cas' hard dick rubbing against his own. He opened the glove box, rummaging, and pulled out a small bottle of lube.

"Don't ask," Dean said, seeing Cas' questioning look.  
The look faded and Cas bit his lip slightly. "Dean, will you?"

"What?" Dean asked.

"I want you inside me this time."

Dean seared his mouth with a kiss that was demanding and rough. He lubed and pressed two fingers inside.

"Fuck," Cas gasped.

"Too much?" Dean froze.

"More," Cas panted, shoving his hips against him.

Dean sucked in a breath, spreading his fingers and shaking his head. "You are..." He kissed him again, taking his mouth, Cas just as voracious as he was. 

Dean added another finger and felt for the nub he wanted.

Cas jolted beneath him, biting Dean's lip hard enough he could taste blood.

They both groaned and Dean pulled his hand away, lubing his dick.

Cas took a deep breath. "Dean, I want this. I want us to work."

Dean kissed him. "I know. Me too."

Cas' eyes searched Dean's. "I'm so sorry for-"

"I know. I'm sorry too."

"God, I never wanted someone so bad in my life," he whispered. "I've never wanted anything so bad."

"You have it," Dean panted, shoving deep inside Cas, rougher than he normally would, but both men were desperate. "You have me, Cas."

The car rocked, the Windows fogged, and Cas broke the window crank trying to hold on for the desperate ride. 

"We can make this work," Dean panted, slamming inside Cas over and over.

"Yes," Cas moaned, whether in answer or in ecstasy.

"Don't ever bail on me again," Dean growled through gritted teeth.

"I won't! Dean!" Cas came with a violent bucking of hips and nails digging through Dean's shirt.

Dean came, crying out and euphoric. 

Kissing and trembling, they both panted until their breath came back to normal. 

Dean glanced around the windows. "This was not a smart idea."

Cas looked up at him, sweat still beaded on his forehead. Dean felt Cas' body tense beneath him.

He grinned down at him, kissing him chastely. "I meant having sex in the car alongside the road."

"Right," Cas said. 

The pair cleaned themselves up with napkins and got dressed again. Dean started the car and left the parking lot, heading toward the river again.

"Where are we going?" Cas asked.

"If we are going to do this...we need to talk."

Cas nodded. "We have to be careful. If we're caught, it could end both our careers."

"About that...I have one more class to take before I get my degree, which bumps me to officer. But I think I'm going to wait. I'm better off retiring as an E5 than start over as an O1."

Cas nodded, eyes crinkled in thought.

"I deploy around the same time as you. I'm gone for a year, most likely."

Dean gave Cas a searching look. "I could retire when I get back."

"Are you ready for that? To be out of the military life?"

Dean watched the highway straight ahead. His headlights illuminating asphalt. "I always thought I would be a lifer. But I...can see other things now."

Cas smiled. "Me too. I'm up for reenlistment in June after you get home from deployment."

"This isn't going to be easy, Cas."

"I don't need it to be easy, Dean. Nothing in my life has been easy. But I feel that it will be worth it. If we can hang in there for the next year and a half, we will be free to do whatever we want."

Dean looked at him and nodded. "A year and a half."

Cas slid his hand over, holding Dean's. "I can do it. As long as I know you are with me."

Dean blushed and pulled Cas' hand to his mouth to kiss it. "We can do this."

Cas relaxed and took a deep breath. "So, Fer thinks things are over between us. He's been quite smug with my misery."

Dean screwed his mouth up. "That bag of dicks is a freakin douche."

Cas' mouth lifted at one corner in an endearing smile.

"What?" Dean asked.

"I'll just picture that when he's bitching at me."

They shared a grin.

"So here's the thing. We can't be together on post. Like, at all. So, we have to find ways of meeting."

"And you can not text me," Cas said.

Dean sighed. "We need another way to communicate. What about burner cells?"

"I could get court marshaled for having a burner phone. My status is too classified for anything like that."

"Okay..." Dean drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "We're gonna have to make plans of where and when to meet, and just stick to it."

Cas nodded. "We can not meet at the Roadhouse. There are too many service men and women there."

"Right." Dean nodded, some ideas falling into place. "We need a spot. A designated place. Code names."

"I think maybe you are enjoying this," Cas grinned.

"Hey, if it's what we are gonna have to do, might as well have some fun with it."

Cas laughed. "Alright. A hotel. Out of town. You can use the name...Lonsom Mosley."

"What? Lonsom? Is that a name?" Dean laughed.

"It sounds good," Cas laughed.

"Fine. You'll be Eddie. Eddie Moscone."

"Eddie," Cas laughed. "I like it."

"We can meet every...Friday night?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. And Tuesday?"

"Twice a week," Dean sighed. 

"Any more than that would be pushing it."

Dean nodded. "Twice is good."

"If you get there and I am not there by 2000, you know I'm deployed."

Dean nodded. "We have about 6 weeks until I leave. Then I will have to Skype call you or have Sam call you for me."

"While I'm deployed there will be no calls. But after my return in May, I should be able to Skype. Minimally." 

Silence filled the air. It was going to be a long year and a half. Dean pulled into an empty parking lot and turned around, heading back to the Roadhouse. "Cas...what do we tell our family?"

"I will tell Gabriel that we are broken up. Unless he gets too curious. Then I will have to tell him."

"Alright. I gotta tell Sam. He won't tell anyone. My brother and I don't keep secrets from each other. And Sam is not in a precarious position for knowing about us, like Gabe is."

Cas nodded. "I would like his phone number. Just in case I ever need to leave you a message."

"Yeah. Good idea."

"Dean," Cas began tentatively, "thank you for forgiving me."

Dean squeezed his hand.

Cas held onto his hand tightly. "This is so risky for us both. I just...I need you to know that I am all in. And that I love you. Very much."

Dean jerked his eyes to meet Cas'. Love! Dude, the L word! He loves me... Dean's chest felt like it might explode. I should be freaking out. I should be bailing. No! This is Cas. I want this. He loves me. And...yeah. I think I love him too. Love!

Dean took a deep breath.

"You don't have to say anything, Dean," Cas said earnestly. "I just needed you to know that I am committed to this. To you."

Dean's eyes flew back to the road, seeing he needed to lurch his car back into his lane. He held Cas' hand firmly still. 'Committed to me...this is it. This is the rest of my life maybe.' Dean looked at Cas again. 'Yeah. Fuck yeah. This. This hand in mine. This tangle of bad-ass nerd is mine. Committed to me. Forever. That had to be why it felt so right. So strong. So much stronger than anything I ever felt before. I gotta say something. Love... I love him.'  
Dean cleared his throat, righted the car again and looked back at Cas. "I love you too, Cas."

Cas tipped his head with an endearing smile. 

"I do." Dean squeezed his hand again, kissed it again and broke out into the dopiest grin ever.

Cas followed suit.

"Man, you are turning me into a friggin softie," Dean sighed.

Cas chuckled. "Well, this is the first time in a long time I have even let myself feel...just feel for someone." Cas smiled. "It feels good."

"Yeah." Dean pulled the car over into another empty parking lot.

"What are we doing now?" Cas asked.

Dean put the car in park and edged over to him. "I am kissing you goodnight."

"Oh," Cas managed before Dean had possession of his mouth. They kissed long and deep with a lot of hand roaming. Dean pulled back, resting his forehead on Cas', looking into his eyes. "I love you."

Cas grinned wide, his eyes sparkling. "I love you, Dean Winchester, aka Lonsom Mosley."

"Mmm, Eddie," he teased, kissing him again.

Dean finally sat back, just watching Cas.

Cas sighed. "The wedding tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Should I go?" Cas asked.

"I want you to. But...I don't know."

"I will come, but I won't stay long. We do share some friends. That much is allowed."

"Alright. But if I tear you out of your uniform in the men's room and we get caught..."

"I won't go in the men's room," Cas laughed. "Public only. Hand shake maybe."

Dean nodded, taking in just how hard this was going to be. But he could do it. They could do it.


	10. Pre-phase Deployment

Songs and lyrics I do not own in this chapter-  
Perfect, (My fav version) by Boyce Avenue  
Crazy Love, (My fav version) by Jason Manns and Jensen Ackles   
Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop, by Landon Pigg

Warning: This chapter gets pretty smutty. You're welcome :)

 

Chapter 10. Pre-phase Deployment

Dean loosened his tie and leaned back in his chair. It had been a beautiful wedding. Anyone in the Army wore their dress blues, while Charlie and Dorothy both wore beautiful gowns. Dean still felt warm and fuzzy from having the honor of walking Charlie down the aisle. It was not a huge wedding, neither girls having much family, but there were plenty of friends. 

The meal was finally being served. Dean's stomach was quite sure his throat had been slit five hours ago. A plate of burgers, fries, tots, fried green beans and cauliflower had just been sat down in front of him. He literally had to stop himself from drooling. He turned a surprised look at Charlie, who caught his eye and winked. "My girl!" Dean yelled, pointing at Charlie.

She blew him a kiss and he dug in. 

"Well I neva," Benny said, shaking his head. "I neva heard o burgers at a weddin."

"Just eat it and enjoy," Dean warned.

Dean found Cas across the crowded room, sitting at a table with Gabe. He watched him as he ate quietly. Gabe was chattering to the whole table, but Cas was quiet. He looked stunning in his dress blues and tan Ranger hat. The blues made his eyes absolutely glow. Dean was sure to look away frequently, but his eyes always gravitated back. 

He caught Cas' eye and froze mid chew. Cas winked and grinned slightly. Dean grinned and felt a warm wave wash over him. He winked back and looked back at Jo, who was talking to him. Everyone at his table seemed unaware, so Dean tried to keep his eyes away. 

As the meal finished, the cake was cut and then dancing started. Dean froze when he saw Cas walking toward him. 'Oh shit! What is he doing? Did he give up just that quick? Was he-'

Cas walked passed him, never making eye contact. Dean watched as he approached the brides. 'He's saying goodbye. He's leaving.'

Dean wanted to run after him as he walked out the door alone. He suddenly felt sad. Alone. He turned back to Sam and Benny laughing at Cole telling a story about meeting Charlie. He felt numb suddenly. There was no way he was leaving early. Not if Charlie had any say and it was her day. He got up and went to the bar for a drink. It was going to be a long night.

 

The following Tuesday, Dean left work and went home to check on Sam. "Hey."

Sam looked up from a book he was reading. "Hey."

"You got plans tonight?" He hung his hat on the hook by the door and pulled his flack jacket off.

"No. Just reading. I don't get to read much anymore," Sam said distractedly.

"Now, I know that's just not true. Because I paid for all those damn books in August! And another small ton in January."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I mean light reading. Not serious reading."

Dean squinted in thought. "There's a difference?"

Sam chuckled, sitting the book down.

"I'm going out. I just wanted to make sure you were good."

Sam squinted in thought. "Where ya goin?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm meeting up with someone."

Sam stood up, coming closer to Dean, his eyes still squinted. "Is it Cas?"

Dean pursed his lips. "Yeah."

"Dean," Sam said, worried.

"Look, we hooked up again last week. But we are keeping it TOTALLY on the DL. Like, not even Charlie."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you wanna do that?"

"Yes."

"It could cost your job."

"Yes."

"Is this going to be like how it was with Lisa? You fight, you make up, you're despondent, you get along, you fight-"

"I get it!" Dean raised a hand. "And I was not despondent. Ever."

"Oh, okay," Sam rolled his eyes again.

"No. It is not going to be like that. If things change, I'll let you know. But ya can't say anything to anyone."

"Okay, okay! Scouts honor, or whatever."

"You were never a scout."

Sam grinned, "but I ate a couple brownies!"

Dean laughed. "I am going out. If anyone calls or stops, tell them I went for a run and I'm, I don't know, bein' a jerk."

"Even Benny?"

"Especially Benny."

"Alright."

"You good for dinner?" Dean asked as he headed into his room to change.

"Yeah, I'm good." Sam called.

Dean came back out in jogging clothes and a small bag in his hand.

"Dude, you're dressing for the part?" Sam grinned.

"Yeah. It's like being on a mission, man." 

 

Dean pulled into the Sunset Motel an hour later. He checked into room 108 and went in, leaving the door open.  
Twenty minutes later, Cas came in sporting a big grin.

"Is this Lonsom Mosley's room?"

"Why yes, it is," Dean grinned.

Cas shut and locked the door and walked over to Dean who was sitting at the small table.

"You must be Eddie," Dean said in a gravely voice.

"Mmm," Cas grinned, pulling Dean up into his arms.

"God, I missed you," Dean said, kissing him with heat and wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"You looked so handsome at the wedding," Cas said, pulling back and pulling his own shirt off.

Dean's pulse quickened immediately. "You looked incredible. It was really hard to keep my hands off you."

Cas pulled Dean's shirt off and ran his hands down Dean's sides, letting them rest on his hips, squeezing firmly.

"You were definitely having trouble keeping your eyes off me," Cas grinned, pulling Dean over to the bed.

"Saw that, huh?" Dean's eyes clouded.

"I saw," Cas' face sobered somewhat. "No one else seemed to notice. Not even Gabriel."

"That's good," Dean murmured. He sat on the edge of the bed, bowed knees spread and leaning back onto his hands. "I'll have to work on that."

Cas grinned, running a hand down his cheek. "Worst case scenario, I lose my job and so do you." His look was intense now. "I would still have you."

"Huh," Dean laughed. "I can't say that's much of a payoff."

"Dean, to find someone you love in this world is monumental. It's worth everything."

Cas put one knee on the bed and gripped Dean, sliding him up the bed, swinging a leg over him so he was straddling him. He ran his hands up Dean's chest and back down slowly.

Dean took in a slow, deep breath and let it out just as slow. "I love you."

Cas' eyes found his with a tiny smile. "I love you."

He leaned down over him, taking his mouth in a slow, heating passion.

Two and a half hours later, after what Dean had to summarize as the first time in his life he had truly made love to someone, they found themselves wound around each other in a tangle. Cas' head lay on the center of Dean's chest. 

His hand ran down the expanse of smooth skin, finding every scar and curve. 'Someday I will know how every scar got here. Everything about him. His past. What he does all day. His plans for the future.' His fingers curled possessively into Cas' dark, silky hair. 'But not today.'

Cas lifted his head, looking at Dean. "I better get up before I fall asleep here."

Dean kissed his forehead. "Me too." They exchanged a look of disappointment, but said nothing.

They dressed and sat at the small table.

"Here," Dean said, offering Cas a bottle of water.

"I'm good," Cas said, with that look he got every time Dean gave him water. 

Dean squinted in thought. Maybe tonight they had time for a little delving. 

"Cas, will you tell me what happened with water? You never want to drink unless I drink it first. What happened?"

Cas stiffened in his seat, eyes downcast and a look of discomfort crossed his face. 

"Cas," Dean coaxed, reaching over and taking his hand.  
Cas cleared his throat. "I would rather not talk about it."

Dean turned in the chair, pulling Cas' hand to his mouth. He placed his mouth against Cas' knuckles. "I want to know. Come on man. I love you."

Cas sighed. "I...it's..."

Cas pulled his hand back gently, fidgeting.

Dean sat patiently.

Cas looked away, pressing his lips together in thought. "During my...detainment...they did not feed me or give me water. After some of the questioning...I was in rough shape."

"You mean after they broke your fingers?"

"Yes." Cas looked down at his still bandaged fingers. "They tried water boarding, but I am pretty good at tolerating that."

Dean swallowed hard. It was hard to just sit there and not touch him. Hold him. But he could tell that Cas wanted some space. 

"They find ways of figuring out what you struggle with most. And they did." Cas leaned down, forearms resting on his thighs. "I really don't want to tell you this. It's gross."

Dean reached forward, cupping Cas' cheek. "It's over, Cas. You can tell me. At least I can understand."

Cas nodded, eyes still downcast. "They made me drink urine. A lot of it. They saw how disgusted I was and just kept doing it."

Dean swallowed hard. He wanted to kill all of them. Anyone who ever laid an unfriendly hand on him.

"They have ways of making you swallow. And if I threw it up, which I did, they caught it in a bucket and..."

"Made you drink it again," Dean guessed.

Cas nodded.

"I'm so sorry, Cas." Dean took one of his fidgeting hands in his. 

Cas nodded. "It was just so...disgusting. I still feel...gross."

Dean stood, pulling Cas to his feet as well. "It was disgusting," Dean said, making Cas look him in the eyes. "But you are not." He pulled Cas back over to the bed, laying him back on it and laying with him. "And your mouth has been thoroughly cleaned."

Cas just looked at him, eyes open. 

"Let's just make sure," Dean grinned. He leaned in and kissed him. He wanted to take all Cas' fears away. Cover every bit of that mouth with himself. 

Cas opened up to him. Took him with need. Finally, they both lay back, tired and comforted.

"Cas, you don't ever have to be afraid to tell me about what makes you, you."

Cas rolled over, hugging him close. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too. But I do know that you need to drink water. So, if this helps, then I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you told me anyway."

"Me too. It does help." 

Dean hugged him tight. After a time, they sat up. Cas stood up with renewed vigor. He went to the table and took a bottled water, opened it and drank half. He turned and grinned at Dean.

Dean followed suit. "Hey, I did tell Sam where I was going."

Cas winced. "He probably doesn't think too much of me."

"Nah, I told him some. If I'm happy, he's happy."

Cas grinned. "I can only hope. I know how protective brothers can be."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Should I be worried?"

"No," Cas chuckled. "Gabe knows what Fer has been doing. He knows I broke up with you."

"Well, Sam wants to meet you again. So, can we do some kind of get-together?"

"Of course," Cas grinned. "Bring him along next Tuesday. I will bring dinner."

"And eat in this crappy motel room?" Dean laughed.

Cas shrugged and Dean sighed. "Sounds good," Dean relented.

Silence fell for a few moments. Neither wanted to leave, but it was getting late.

"I'll go first," Cas said, standing. "I'll see you Friday. Same place, same time?" 

"Yeah," Dean said, standing.

Cas kissed him. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Dean sat back down as the door closed. He felt as though he could sit in the crappy chair he was in until Friday. But he heaved himself up and bided his time, leaving an hour later.

 

Friday was better. They were able to stay all night together. They made more plans for meetings and talked about their deployment preparations.

 

Tuesday, Sam came along. "Dude, this is so weird."

Dean rolled his eyes. "It's the only way, Sammy."

The brothers sat down at the small table, pulling it over to the bed for a third seat. Cas came in, bringing Chinese.

"Hello, Dean, Sam," Cas said, sitting the bag down on the table and taking his long coat off.

"I gotta ask," Dean grinned, pulling out containers, "What's up with the trench coat?"

"It looks...nice," Cas defended.

"You look like a stalker," Dean laughed.

"Don't mind Dean, he grew up in white trash. He's kinda sheltered," Sam said.

Cas grinned. "I'm so glad you came, Sam."

"Whatever. Keep your coat. You look...mysterious in it," Dean leaned over and kissed Cas, not even thinking about Sam being there.

Sam grimaced, "I'd tell ya to get a room, but..."

"Hilarious," Dean smirked. 

As they ate, Sam told stories about he and Dean's childhood. Cas told stories about him and Gabe.

"I kinda wish I hadn't been such a dick to Gabe now," Sam said.

Cas laughed. "I heard all about that. You made quite the impression."

"Oh, God. He probably hates me."

"Quite the opposite, he thinks you are most charming and can't wait to run into you again."

"Oh, God," Dean sighed.

Sam shook his head. "I don't usually act like that," Sam blushed, "and I wasn't even mad at him, I was mad at you."

Cas nodded, sobering. "I'm sure."

"I mean, it all worked out. I'm glad you two were able to make a way."

Dean smiled and Cas nodded again.

Their meal passed pleasantly and the evening was over too quickly.

"I'm glad we got to talk again, Sam," Cas said.

"Yeah, me too. And here's my number, in case you need anything. Or need me to get a message to Dean." He left the two alone to say goodbye.

Cas sighed. "I think that went well."

Dean chuckled. "You're adorable."

They said their goodbyes and Dean left.

 

Friday, Dean arrived first to the motel. He put his Christmas presents for Cas next to a miniature orange tree he had also bought Cas. He turned the TV on and laid down to wait.

He woke to the door opening. It was fully dark out now and Dean sat up, blinking.

"Hey, what time is it?" He grumbled.

"Past 0100. I was afraid you would have left," Cas said, sitting on the bed next to Dean. "I couldn't get away any quicker. Sorry."

Dean woke more and grinned. "Nah, glad you could get here at all. What's this?"

Cas sat a bag down on the floor. "It's the last time I will see you before Christmas, so I brought gifts."

Dean pointed to the little tree on the table with the stack of presents.

"Aw, what is that?" Cas asked walking over to the tree.

"It's a miniature orange tree. I thought of you when I saw it. It says it attracts bees and I know you have a thing for bees."

Cas smiled and kissed him.

"Okay, let's do this!" Dean clapped. Cas sat at the table, putting his two gifts with Dean's stack. Cas pulled out a disposable camera.

"It's our first Christmas, we have to have pictures," he said, shrugging.

They took pictures as they unwrapped and several selfies of the two of them. 

Dean gave Cas an iPod with a playlist of songs he had of him and Jason, a kit of beeswax products, and a '67 Chevy t-shirt. The car on it looked like the one Dean had fixed in Cas' garage. Cas had given him a Winchester handgun with an engraved body. Dean was shocked and held it reverently in his hands. 

"It's a Winchester," Cas shrugged shyly. They talked about Christmases past and talked long into the night about their families and how they grew up. In the wee hours of the morning, they fell asleep. Dean had never spent time with someone like this. Cut off from the world. 

 

Tuesday evening, Dean arrived to an empty room. He turned on the TV and laid down to wait. 

Dean's alarm woke him up. He had slept the entire night at the motel and Cas had not come. Dean left, to head home. It was a quiet ride. A quiet morning.

Friday came and went with no Cas. Dean slept at the motel again, in case he showed up late.

Tuesday came and Dean drove to the motel. He stayed until midnight and left. He tried not to let it bother him. He stuffed his frustrations and worries down, flipping on the radio.

The following week, Sam had to return to school. "Dean, I can fly home and say goodbye in a few weeks."

"No, Sam." Dean shoved another duffel bag into his trunk. "It's better this way."

Sam sighed. "You got me way too much stuff for Christmas. It's gonna cost a ton to fly an extra bag back."

Dean grinned. "You needed stuff. I'm gonna be gone awhile. And...damnit. I'm gonna miss you."

Sam bear hugged him tight and Dean squeezed him back hard. 

"Love you, Dean. Please be safe."

Dean swallowed back tears, "I will be safe. And I'll call when I can. You be safe. Call Jody if you need anything or need to get ahold of me."

They stepped apart and Sam wiped tears away.

"Aw, come on, man!" Dean laughed, voice trembling. He ruffled Sam's hair and Sam batted his hand away.  
"Love you too, Sammy."

Dropping Sam off at the airport sucked. Dean had to admit, he was rather attached to his brother. But he was in a better place than the last time Dean was deployed. Last time, he was in foster care. Now he was safely at Stanford. 

Dean arrived back home to Benny sitting in the driveway.

"Hey, brotha," Benny said.

"Hey, Benny."

"Sammy gone?"

"Yeah. Flyin' about now."

"Thought we could work on that old Charger you bought for Sam."

"Yeah, yeah. That'd be good." Dean needed busy work. And he needed his friend back to normal too. They pulled the hood up and stood there, deciding what to get into next. Another car pulled up and then a second. Dean came around the car, seeing Jo and Charlie pulling in.

"I didn't know we were having a party," Dean called as the pair came up the driveway. 

"Yeah, a pity party," Jo half grinned, slugging Dean on the shoulder.

Dean smirked.

By 2200 they were done replacing the carburetor and had rust sanded off an entire door. Dean had picked up the poor heap for $1,000 as a hobby and a way to have a car ready for Sam by his second year of college when he was allowed to have one on campus.

The girls headed home, leaving Dean and Benny at the kitchen table.

"Guess I should head out," Benny said, standing.

Dean got to his feet as well. "Glad you came over, man. It was good to be distracted."

Benny smiled, Dean returning it.

"Dean, I was wonderin' if you wanted to go see a movie with me this weekend."

Dean's eyes squinted and he crossed his arms over his chest automatically. "You mean as friends...right?"

Benny blushed and stepped toward him, Dean already leaning against the counter, had no where to go.

"If I wanted it to be somethin' more?" His blue eyes searched Dean's. They were the wrong blue. The wrong hands. The wrong everything. Dean held both hands up in a wall to block him. Benny stopped moving.

"No, Benny, I'm not interested like that!"

Benny nodded, looking away. "Alright."

Dean stepped aside, putting some distance between them. "Benny, we been friends a long time. I don't want there to be a problem between us." He looked at Benny who was looking embarrassed. "Do we have a problem?"

"Nah, man. I get it. I got it." He grabbed his coat, pulling it on. "But Dean, I hope you aren't still after that Cas guy."

"No, I'm not chasing anyone that doesn't want me."

Benny nodded. "I won't ask again. But if you ever change your mind..."

Dean gave him a warning look.

Benny left and Dean sighed heavily. "Where the hell are you Cas?"

 

Friday night rolled around finally. The weather was cold and sleet covered everything making the trip to their motel room slippery. Dean unlocked the door and flipped the light on in the empty room. He sat at the small table with a burger and fries. He got Cas a meal too, but felt quite sure he would be eating alone again tonight. He pulled two sodas out of a bag but they were half warm. He walked down to the ice machine to fill a bucket with ice. As he leaned over the bin, scooping, he heard someone approach him, feeling them come right into his personal space. Body tensing from reflexes, he straightened and turned quickly to find himself pinned up against the machine and looking into the blue eyes he had missed so much.

"Cas!"

Cas grinned, kissing him. He pulled back, glancing around, "Hello, Dean."

Dean's equilibrium righted itself and he took the bucket from the ice.

They went back to their room without another word. Cas took the sodas and shoved them down into the ice.  
Dean could not stop the smile that was plastered to his face. Cas was back. A sudden surge of need overtook him. As Cas turned back to him, Dean crashed into him, pressing him back against the wall. "I fuckin' missed you," he growled, kissing him.

"Me too," Cas managed between kisses. Dean shoved his trench coat off, his shirt was gone in one fluid sweep. Cas had his hands on Dean's shirt, pulling at it. 

"I want you so bad," Dean growled, biting and sucking down his neck. Cas gasped, pulling Dean's shirt off finally.  
Dean undid Cas' belt, button and fly, Cas still pressed hard to the wall. Dean pushed his pants to the floor, stepping on them and helping Cas pull out of them, his mouth never leaving Cas'.

"I have a surprise for you," Cas gasped, his hands gripping hard at Dean's hips. 

"Yeah? What?" Dean asked between bites on Cas' right nipple. He stopped, taking Cas' right hand in his. "You got your splints off!" He said, marveling at the free hand.

Cas grinned, hair wild and eyes full of lust. "Yeah, that's not the surprise though."

"What is it?" Dean grinned.

"I'm wearing it."  
Dean glanced down at Cas' naked body, looked at both hands now and gave him a questioning look. "You're not wearin' anything anymore."

"Yeah, I am. One thing."

Dean took both of Cas hands in his, their eyes searing into each other's. He raised Cas' hands above his head, pinning them to the wall. He ran his other hand down his arm and his side. Cas shivered and bucked his hips toward Dean's rubbing his naked cock against Dean's still buttoned jeans. Both men groaned. As a sudden thought hit Dean and he turned Cas around, still pressing him to the wall. His free hand roamed down to Cas' ass, rubbing. His hand hit a hard nub.

"Fuck," Dean groaned. He looked down and saw what he had suddenly hoped for. Cas had a plug in. Dean grabbed the end of it and moved it up and down slightly. 

"Well," he growled, pressing himself against Cas, mouth to his ear, "lookie what I found!"

"Surprise," Cas half gasped, his eyes closing with Dean moving it.

"You put this in for me?" Dean said, biting his ear, making Cas gasp again as he pulled it out a bit and pushed it back in.

"For you," Cas moaned.

"You put a plug in so you were ready for me." He bit and sucked Cas' neck and shoulder, fucking him with the plug.  
Cas moaned again, hips moving in the little room they had. "Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you?"

"Yes!" Cas said, his head lolling back, giving Dean more room to suck and bite.

Dean spiraled and pulled the plug out, dropping it. He undid his own pants, pulling his dick out and nosing it against the lubed and ready hole.

"Yes! Dean!" Cas whined, pressing back into him and grinding.

"You fuckin' couldn't wait," Dean said excitedly, feeling Cas trembling.

He pressed his dick inside slowly.

Cas was more than ready, slamming back onto Dean. 

"You're so fuckin ready!"

Dean still had Cas' wrists pinned to the wall above his head and his free hand grabbed Cas' hip so hard it left marks. He fucked into him, Cas crying out.

"You wanted it hard and fast, no waiting," Dean huffed, grabbing Cas' leg and lifting it in the crook of his elbow. He slammed over and over, slapping skin and grunts and groans. "How long you been wearin' that for me?" Dean huffed out.

"Over an hour," Cas moaned. 

"That is so fuckin' hot, Cas! I bet you're ready to come! I wanna see your cum all over that wall!"

Cas hollered and Dean felt his own orgasm barreling through him. Cum shot up the wall and his muscles clenched incredibly hard, Dean filling him over and over. 

He let Cas' leg drop down and he pumped several more times, his chest sliding against Cas' sweating back.

"Fuck," they both moaned.

Dean bit down on Cas' shoulder. He could feel every muscle in his back flex and relax against his chest and abdomen.

Dean ran his free hand up, taking Cas' hands in his as they both heaved for air, pressed against the wall for support.

Dean pulled his hips back, his softened dick sliding out, cum running.

"You are," Dean said, raining kisses down Cas' neck and back, "the hottest fucking person in the whole world."

Cas laughed, his head against the wall. "You are the hottest person in the world."

"Mm, we're just gonna have to disagree on that."

Dean leaned his weight off of Cas, standing and turning Cas in his arms to hug him. They both gasped weakly as their sensitive dicks rubbed against each other.

They took the two short steps to the bed, flopping down on it in exhaustion.

"I missed you," Cas said.

"I believe you," Dean laughed. 

They got up and went to the bathroom to wipe up. Dean was standing at the sink washing the wash cloth out when he felt Cas' hands turn him by his hips. Cas was sitting on the edge of the tub. "Wash this," he said, handing Dean the plug.

Dean watched as Cas pulled him over slightly and was almost lost when Cas started sucking his dick. He was still soft, but with Cas' intent mouth and hands, he was hardening again. "Jesus, Cas," Dean moaned. Cas tapped the plug and Dean made an attempt to wash it while Cas sucked him steadily, his fingers, two now, probing and stretching him. He had no clear thoughts on what was happening, just intense bliss. 

Cas stretched him and pushed his fingers in, finding the small nub he was looking for. Dean was having a hard time standing on his own, one hand gripping a towel rod, the other clamped onto the sink. He watched as Cas' head of dark hair moved in and out, slurping. A heat coiled low inside him and he could not keep his eyes open any more. "Ooohhh, Caaas," he moaned. "Don't stop...I'm gonna..."

Cas quickened his pace, his finger fluttering against his prostate. He lost all sense of where he was, who he was, only ecstasy flooded him until he flooded Cas' mouth, his throat swallowing and pulling every drop out of him. Cas pulled off and Dean blinked, weak-kneed and semi-conscious. He panted and shivered with lingering waves of orgasm. Cas stood quickly, turned Dean toward the sink, Dean tripping to keep up. He felt something solid slide into his ass. 

"What the-"

He looked in the mirror, Cas behind him. "When I'm ready for you, you'll be ready," Cas spoke low into his ear, looking him in the eye in the mirror. He slid the lubed plug in and Dean huffed. Cas, still eyes locked, bit down on Dean's shoulder, making chills race up and down Dean's back. The plug was pressing into his over-sensitized prostate, making Dean shiver. Cas gave him a grin and kissed his cheek, slapping his ass.

Dean laughed, hanging his head in exhaustion. "Fuck, Cas, you're an animal."

Cas chuckled as he left the bathroom. Dean followed, feeling the insistent pressure from the plug. 

They pulled on their boxers and sat down to eat. Dean sat gingerly, eyeing Cas with a grin and shaking his head.

They ate every bite, both truly hungry. 

"So, you were away, I take it," Dean said through a full mouth.

Cas nodded, swallowing. "It would be the only reason I would not come." Cas took a drink. "I was home two nights and was sent out again. But," and now he grinned, "I will not be deployed again until I leave in a few weeks. So I will be home for sure until you leave."

Dean's shoulders relaxed. "Really? That's great!"

Cas nodded, still grinning. He reached up and squeezed Dean's shoulder. Dean captured the hand and inspected it. The splints and bandages were all gone. No swelling or bruising anymore. Three fingers had small white lines scarring them. Dean kissed each finger.

"How are your fingers?" He asked.

"Good." Cas pulled his hand back and flexed and unflexed the fingers.

"I have managed to unfuck the mess Warren caused. It took a lot of talking. And I am finally out of the whole mess."

"That's good."

"Yeah, well my cover was blown."

"Fer bein' any better?"

"He's a dick."

Dean grimaced. "You're pretty amazing, you know that? Speakin' ten languages, out there bein' the boss. You're quite the bad-ass."

Cas laughed, blushing slightly. "It's eight languages. You're pretty bad-ass yourself."

They finished their meals and moved to the bed to flip channels and just lay together.

"Sam went back," Dean said.

Cas kissed his temple. "Sorry."

"I'm just glad he's safe. The first time I was deployed, he was with Dad and...things got kinda bad. And if he needs anything he can call on Jody, an old family friend of ours."

"He can always call me," Cas sighed, "not that I'm that reliable."

"He knows. And you are as reliable as you can be."

Cas moved, laying over Dean's chest, looking up at him. "Some day, when we get out of this mess, I will be reliable. I will be there for you and Sam."

Dean carded his fingers through Cas' hair. "Me too."

Cas kissed Dean's chest, dragging his stubbly chin across Dean's skin, igniting a path and making him move, making the plug jostle him.

"How are things down here?" Cas said in a gravely voice, sliding his hand down and squeezing Dean's ass cheek.

"Ready and waiting."

"Mmm, I think I'm done waiting."

Cas looked up at him with lust filled eyes and Dean's eyes mirroring that lust.

"I think it's time to get what I so patiently made preparations for."

Excitement ramped up in Dean's chest. He gasped when Cas yanked him down in bed in one swift movement. It shocked him how strong Cas was. Just as he grinned, Cas flipped him over onto his stomach. Dean found that he liked being man-handled by Cas. There was a freedom in giving yourself over to someone who you knew was going to make you explode in wanton ecstasy. 

"Now," Cas spoke low into his ear, Dean's head on the thin sheet over the mattress, "It's my turn to ride."

"Oh yeah?" Dean squirmed half-heartedly, making Cas pin him down. 

"Yes. And I believe I told you once not to leave any marks on me...so I will definitely be returning the favor."

Dean could feel his dick hardening as Cas bit and sucked on the back of his neck, across his shoulders and down his back. Cas' cock was hard and rubbing against his ass, pushing the plug. He groaned at the rough foreplay, wanting more.

"Get on your hands, Dean," Cas directed.

Dean complied, lifting his chest from the bed, Cas straddling his ass. 

"You are so good, Dean." Cas ran his hands in long strokes up his back and back down to his ass. "Behave and I won't have to tie you up."

Dean huffed, grinning. He had never done such things before and the thought provoked a lot of images that made him think misbehaving just might be worth it.

Cas reached around, running his hand up and down Dean's hard cock. "I see that just might appeal to you."

Dean chuckled low, neither denying or admitting it. 

"Well, I will have to pack for that," Cas chuckled back, biting Dean's earlobe, making him hiss and rub his ass back into Cas.

Cas took the plug, pushing it in and out gently, working it and re-lubing the area. "You are so ready for me." He plunged the plug in harder and Dean moaned. "Are you ready for me, Dean?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," Dean panted.

"So, fuckin' hot..." Cas murmured against the skin on his back. He slid back, kneeling over Dean's legs and prompted him to raise his ass up so he was on all fours. "I want to hear you, Dean." Cas pulled the plug out, tossing it to the floor. "Get down," he growled, pressing his palm firmly between Dean's shoulder blades. Dean complied, bringing his shoulders and arms down to the bed, Cas keeping his hips raised. Three fingers slid firmly inside and he fucked Dean slowly.

"Mmmm," Dean moaned. He felt a hot, wet heat at his hole and realized Cas was licking him, fucking him with his tongue.

"Oh, fuuuuck," Dean groaned, his muscles starting to tremble.

"You like that," Cas chuckled, getting back up behind him and pressing his hard dick firmly inside.

"Aww," Dean practically purred. "Fuck."

Cas snapped his hips once and Dean got to his elbows.  
"Uh, uh, uh," Cas cooed, pressing him back down. "That's grounds for ropes, Winchester."

Dean stuttered out a plea of unrecognizable words. 

Cas kept one hand at Dean's neck, gripping firmly as he snapped his hips several times.

Dean's head spun in arousal and he wanted more, pressing back into him each time.

Cas gripped his hip with his other hand and snapped over and over. "Your turn to come when I say. Not until I say. Understand?"

Dean tried to nod. 

"What was that, Dean?" Cas said, their skin slapping together.

"Okay, yeah, I can wait," Dean groaned out, not entirely sure he could do what he was saying. Cas' dick was striking his prostate each thrust and Dean felt himself shaking with want and anticipation.

"I could fuck you all night," Cas growled, "Ride this ass all night!"

Dean moaned and clutched at the sheets, gasping in air to try to hold himself back.

Cas reached around with the hand that was on his hip, sliding it up and down Dean's cock, precome dripping and sliding slippery. "You're so ready, aren't you?"

"Yes!" Dean cried, his legs trembling. "Fuck me, Cas! Just fuckin' fuck me!"

Cas' grip on his neck tightened slightly and his thrusting sped up. Cas released his cock and Dean gasped, missing the friction instantly. Cas slowed down, making Dean whine and buck against him. Cas pulled out and Dean thought he just might cry in tantrum, he wanted Cas so bad.

The hand holding his neck let go and Cas flipped him onto his back again.

"Yeah," Cas groaned, "I want to see you."

He gripped Dean's hips, shoving a pillow under him and plunged his dick back inside. Dean moaned and thrashed, fighting the orgasm that was so close. 

"Cas!" Dean gasped. 

Cas continued to fuck him hard. Dean reached for his own cock but Cas pushed him away. "You wanna come, don't you?"

"Yes!" Dean growled, eyes squeezed shut.

Cas slowed down, gripping Dean's cock firmly at the base. "Open your eyes, Dean."

Dean took several breaths and opened his eyes. Cas' eyes were practically black with blown pupils. He thrust three times, firm but slow.

Dean was ready to growl at him, his jaw was clenched tight and he pulled at the sheets.

Cas stroked his dick straight up, "Come on me, Dean."

Dean arched off the bed, the orgasm racking his body with spiraling ecstasy. "Fuck,fuck,fuck!" He felt Cas cum, hot and wet inside him as his own cum shot up onto Cas' chest, neck and even dripped from his chin. Cas stroked and fucked and wiped his hand down his own chest, smearing the cum into his skin. He threw his head back and groaned, his groans mingling with Dean's.

As their bodies stilled, Cas' head dropped back down and he let go of Dean's cock. He leaned down over him and kissed him, laughing. "You are fucking incredible."

Dean chuckled, his entire body exhausted. 

"I'll get the motel room next time. I think we need a suite so I can tie you up properly."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like you've done this before."

"No, but I can be pretty creative."

Cas finally collapsed next to him and they almost went to sleep.

Cas stirred. "I need a shower. And so do you."

"I'm fucking spent," Dean moaned. The thought of standing on his own two feet seeming unimaginable.  
Cas grinned, kissing him and he got up, starting the shower. He came back to the bed, pulling and coaxing Dean to his feet. "Come on, Love."

Dean moaned and let himself be pulled up and into the bathroom. 

"You're so bossy," Dean groaned.

"I know," Cas laughed low, "but I want us nice and clean so we can sleep."

Cas proceeded to wash Dean, kissing his clean, wet skin and Dean woke enough to wash Cas and return the kissing. After they were both fresh and clean and dry, they crawled into bed, snuggling together.

"I love you," Cas said, his lips finding Dean's.

"I love you more," Dean grinned.

"I don't think that's possible," Cas said, yawning and curling into Dean.

"This is...exactly what I want. This could be our life Cas, if we can just make it til then."

"We will," Cas said confidently. "We deserve it. You deserve it. And so much more."

They both drifted off, blissed and happy.

 

For the next three weeks, Dean and Cas changed motels and hotels and met twice a week without fail. They both lived for these nights. But their days were shortly numbered before their careers would end it for them.

Dean arrived at the hotel in a town two hours away from post. They had never stayed at this place. It was nicer. Upscale and posh for what they were used to. Cas had reserved the honeymoon suite and they were both looking forward to two nights together. It was their last Hu-rah before Dean deployed the following day.

He put the key card in the slot and pushed the door open.   
A large king size bed stood in the center of the room. A large jacuzzi tub was off to one side. The TV was on, playing something on the history channel. "Hey, I'm here," he called.

Cas came out of the bathroom, already wearing pajama pants and a vintage looney tunes t-shirt. "Hello, Dean!"

Dean went straight to him, kissing him and hugging him. "Well, don't you look ten shades of adorable," Dean laughed.

"I'm on vacation!" He spread his arms wide and stepped back eyeing Dean. "And you look like ten shades of sinful hotness."

Dean rolled his eyes, lowering his guitar and bag to the floor. He was wearing jeans and his favorite AC/DC t-shirt.   
"You brought your guitar!" Cas grinned wide.

"Yeah, figured we were going to be sitting around, so I might as well sing to you."  
Cas closed his eyes and drew in a breath, his smile growing. He kissed Dean again, longer and hotter.

They ate room service and spent the evening enjoying beer and movies in the jacuzzi. They made love and listened to music. Cas enjoyed grunge and punk music while Dean educated him on the classics of rock and roll. They stayed up late into the wee hours of the morning talking about their plans for when Dean came home. They would go back to their motel rendezvous and hopefully no one would be the wiser.

"I told Gabe about us," Cas said. He was naked and laying half under Dean in bed.

"Why?" Dean said, sitting up and looking at him.

"I filled out my paperwork finally. I'd been dragging my feet to turn it in and Gabe is my 'next of kin', but I listed you as family to contact in case of death or missing."

"You did?" Dean asked softly. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know," Cas said apologetically, "I just...I love you Dean. If something happens to me, I want you to know. I want everything I have to go to you and I told Gabe."

Dean looked away. This was a hard subject to talk about. The likelihood of something happening was too high to be able to brush it off. His eyes came back to Cas' sparkling blues.

"That means a lot to me Cas. I told Sam to be sure to keep you informed if it was possible."

Cas sat up, pulling the blankets over his lap and looking Dean in the eye. "Dean, I would marry you right this second if I could. I'd take you away from all of this. I don't want you to go." Tears welled up in his eyes and Dean pulled him in, holding him tight.

"I'd marry you too, Cas. Right now. And I...I can't even imagine life without you. I don't want you to go either."

They kissed, warm and slow, just holding each other. They slept late into the morning, neither one eager to speed the day along.

The next day, they ordered more room service and told each other everything they could about their time in the Army. Basic training, schools, college, people they worked with, people they liked and people they had not liked. Cas told him all he could about Ranger school, life as a Ranger and some things he had done. Both men were no strangers to combat and time over seas. Dean told Cas about how close he had gotten to Bobby. How Bobby felt like a second father to him. The first time he had worked with Bobby, Dean had still been pretty wild and unruly. Bobby had snapped him into shape. His words and his lessons had stuck. Made an impression. By the time Dean was stationed to Fort Benning, he met Bobby as the young man he had told him he could be. And Bobby was there through all the shit that Sam and he had gone through. He was family now. Gruff as he was. 

By early evening, the pair found themselves sitting by the fire, Dean tinkering on his guitar, Cas half reading a book, half just watching Dean. 

Dean caught Cas' eye and started to play a full song. He sang, Perfect, slowed down and acoustic, Cas watched as if he had never heard the words before. His eyes shined and he seemed to get the messages Dean was sending. Even though they had a rocky start, a difficult future, they were perfect. Dean thought Cas was perfect. He could see how touched he was.

"I love that song," Cas said reverently. "I love you."

Dean grinned, changing chords and went into one of his favorites, Crazy Love. He had put a recording of it on the playlist he had given Cas. But to look into those incredible blue eyes while singing it, seared the love and happiness he felt into Cas' heart. Every 'her' had been changed to a 'him'. The easy rhythm flowed sweetly.

"Sing it again," Cas grinned, looking so sweet and open. 

Dean blushed and started over. How was it that the pair of them could be so tender. So in love. Two days from now Dean would be a soldier again. A ground pounding grunt risking his life, maybe taking lives. He would be rescuing vehicles, fearing IEDs, jumping to attention when he woke for fear of night attacks. And a few days later, Cas would be in the thick of intelligence hubs, combing through radio or written communications for information. Sent into high risk areas to infiltrate enemies. Torture. Take prisoners.

Finishing the song, they both seemed to feel the drop in mood. Every hour that passed brought them closer to reality. Dean looked back down at his guitar, changing chords and switching to another song. No words needed to be spoken. They both dreaded the parting tomorrow early in the morning. Slow and looking him in the eyes frequently, Dean began singing, Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop. Cas sat up straighter, hugging his knees to his chest. He bit his smile, never taking his eyes off of Dean. As the song ended, Cas gave him the most endearing smile. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, Cas."

Cas got to his knees, lifting the guitar away and kissing Dean tenderly. He lowered him down to his back, hands in his hair and mouth so tender but strong. Dean felt wetness on his cheeks and opened his eyes. Cas was crying. Dean's eyes filled with tears. "Hey," he said, his own voice raspy with emotion. 

"Sorry," Cas said, tipping his head down. Dean caught his chin and wiped the tears away.

"I'm comin' home, Cas. So are you. We have plans. We have things to do."

Cas nodded, his tears streaming harder. "Sorry, I never...I've never had a hard time with this before. I just...I don't want you to go. I don't...I couldn't lose you!"

Dean hugged him tight, Cas sniffing and pulling himself together. "I've never had so much to lose before either, Cas." He held his head in his hands, peppering him with kisses until Cas started laughing.

They made love by the fire, intimate and passionate. 

Drowsy in the aftermath, Cas propped his head up on his hand. "Dean, will you sing those songs again and record them for me?"

"Sure," Dean grinned, getting up and pulling his boxers on. He pulled his laptop out and turned on a program to record. He played Perfect, Crazy Love, and Falling In Love In A Coffee Shop. He transferred the recordings to Cas' iPod. "I wish I had something this amazing to give you."

Dean gave him a crooked smile. "Hey, it's no Led Zeppelin. But I did put some Zep on your playlist."

"It's better," Cas said seriously. "To have your voice in my ears...it's...thank you."

Dean blushed, "You could record you reading a book in another language."

Cas bit his lip, thinking. He went over to his bag and pulled out a battered copy of a book. Dean set up the recording program, sitting the laptop on the nightstand. He crawled into bed and Cas followed. Dean started the recording and Cas sat back against the headboard, Dean curled around him.

"I chose this book because I have always loved this story. It's called, Angel. It was written in 1952 in Russia. It's about a boy who is poor and living on the streets of St.Petersburg. He makes candles and sells them to make enough money to eat. But he falls in love and his life changes forever."

"Who does he fall in love with?" Dean asked sleepily.

"An angel."

Cas began to read, in Russian. Although Dean could not really understand the words, the story swirled in his mind. The deep, rumbling voice of Cas soothing him into relaxing. He had so much on his mind. But the lull of Cas' voice soon took him to sleep. 

Though Dean slept, Cas stayed up all night, reading. He slid his fingers through Dean's hair and ran his hand over his shoulder, arm and back. He did pause occasionally, watching Dean sleep. He read until the book was finished. 

He stopped the recording and slid down to hold Dean as long as he could. It was only one precious hour.

Dean's alarm sounded early in the morning.

Dean woke up, not grumbling. He felt so relaxed. 

He kissed Cas and got out of bed. Cas picked up clothes from the floor and put them on. Dean packed his things, neither saying a word.

Packed and ready, Dean sat on the bed next to Cas.

"I finished the recording," Cas said.

Dean looked at him with surprise. "You read that whole book?"

"Yes. In Russian. Take it with you."

"I will," Dean said quietly. He kissed Cas long and slow.

"Hey," Dean said gently, his hand tugging Cas' Looney Tunes t-shirt gently, "can I have this?"

Cas looked down at his shirt and back at Dean. He lifted it off, not needing an explanation. He sat it on Dean's lap and pulled his bag over, digging for what he wanted. He took out the AC/DC t-shirt. Dean's bottom lip quivered slightly. He took the shirt from Cas' hands and put it on him, hugging him. To have the smell of someone you love. That's what the shirts were for.

"I love you," Dean said.

"I love you more."

Dean stood up and slung his guitar and bag over his shoulder.

There were no words. They had been said. To say them again would only make the moment harder. They stared, their eyes locked in that magnetic pull. Cas had read him a story about a boy falling in love with an angel. He was the boy. Cas was his angel. He said a prayer for the first time in a very long time. A prayer that they would have each other again. That life would not be so cruel as to take this from them. 

Dean leaned down and kissed Cas one last time, tucked Cas' shirt in his bag and left.


	11. Unsecure Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter to write. I am an Army brat (all grown up now, but remember my dad coming home like it was yesterday) and I can identify with the worry and long distance of your family being far away.   
> There is one chapter after this. There is a good bit of time jumping and POV changes. It just felt best that way. So, deep breath, here we go!

Chapter 11. Unsecure Lines

 

Sam flipped his phone over. It had been lying on his thigh under his desk, where the professor could not see it. He felt it buzz and expected it to be his buddy Alfie.

Major Gabriel Novak popped up on the screen.

Sam jumped from his seat, taking the steps two at a time to exit the large classroom. As soon as he cleared the door, he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Sam?"

"Yeah, this is Sam," Sam said, exiting the building for better reception. Sam broke out into a cold sweat. Gabe calling could not be good. It was mid April and it was already hot in California. He stopped at a bench under the shade of a tree. He felt nauseated and clammy instantly.

"Sam, this is Gabe. Cas' brother," Gabe said in a solemn tone.

"Gabe, what's wrong? What happened?" Sam plunked heavily onto the bench.

"I'm calling with some bad news. It's not Dean. Dean is fine, as far as I know."

Sam ran his hand back through his hair. "Dean is fine," Sam repeated.

"S' far as I know, kid."

Sam heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. "What's happened to Cas? Is he okay?"

Gabe took a deep breath and Sam held his. "I really didn't want to do this over the phone kiddo, but you're all the way in California. So...um...I got a call." His voice grew quiet and Sam struggled to hear him. "Cas has been listed as missing. Him and several others in his unit."

"Oh my God, Gabe, I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

"Well, that's why I didn't want to call you. There's nothing you can do. Except worry."

Sam huffed. "Should I tell Dean?"

"I don't know. Yes, I guess. I mean, Cas left instructions for me to tell you and you to tell Dean."

"How long has he been missing?"

Gabe sighed. "I've been puttin' this off for a week."

Sam's jaw dropped and he bent over, holding his head in one hand. 

"He's been missing for eleven days now. They lost six men during some kind of raid. They think the six of them are either holed up or..."

"I'm so sorry, Gabe."

Gabe huffed. "Me too, Sam. I really did not want to call and tell you this."

"I guess...I guess I will tell Dean, if I think he can handle it."

"I'm sorry to put such pressure on you, Sam."

Sam rubbed his forehead. "It's...It's gonna be okay. Maybe I will wait. I don't want this messing with Dean's head when he needs to be in a good space."

"I support that," Gabe said, sounding a little relieved. 

A silence drug for a moment. "I'm sorry too, for the way I acted at the PX when we met," Sam said, wincing slightly.

"Huh," Gabe laughed, "Are you kidding? I'd take sassy-Sam any day over sad-Sam!"

Sam had to laugh at that. "Let's just get these brothers of ours home. Then I can go back to being 'sassy'."

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Gabe said, Sam hearing the smile through the phone.

"Hang in there, Gabe. Cas wouldn't want you wasting time stressing."

"Yeah. Easier said than done. But thanks, kid. Talk to you soon."

Sam hung up. A worried knot sat square in his stomach. He worried not telling Dean would make him angry at him. But there was nothing Dean could do. Most likely, the two weren't even in the same country.

 

Dean was scheduled to call two days after Gabe's call. Sam worried and worried over whether or not he should tell him. The mental strain it could put on Dean could be dangerous to him and his whole unit. Sam chewed his thumbnail just thinking about Dean calling. By the time midnight rolled around, Sam was worried. Dean had missed their call. It was not a huge surprise, but it made Sam worry even more. 

Every day that passed, Sam's anxiety grew. By the beginning of the next week, Sam could hardly keep his mind on his school work. As he walked across campus toward his dorm, his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Sam, it's Gabe. How are you holding up?"

Sam took a deep breath, fighting back tears. "Not good man, Dean never called. He's never gone this long without a call! Any word on Cas?"

"Yeah. Cas and the other five are back. Not back here, but they are no longer in enemy territory. He's safe, Sam."

Tears slipped down his cheeks and he wiped them away roughly. "Thank God!"

"Yeah, yeah, I was quite relieved when I got the call today."

Sam leaned against the dorm building, wishing his relief felt more relieving.

"I'll check into Dean, alright?" Came Gabe's voice.

"You can do that?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. I can try. I will call you back by tomorrow night, alright kiddo?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I really appreciate that."

 

Two days later, Sam was leaving class, walking across the campus when he spotted three men in Army uniforms. He did a double take and froze in his tracks. One of them was Gabe. Sam had trouble moving, thinking. His worries raced and his thoughts jumped to the worst. They were looking at a large campus map, they had to be here to find him. Sam finally got his feet to move when they started heading toward the dining hall. He ran, catching up to them before they got to the steps.

"Gabe! I mean...Major Novak!" Sam yelled, catching them.

All three turned around, Sam barely stopping from bowling them over. "Sam Winchester," Gabe grinned. "Nice joint you got here," he said holding his hands out to the campus.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, feeling sweat bead on his forehead and his stomach clench.

Gabe's face sobered. "Sam, everything is okay. Dean is okay. So is Cas. Okay?"

Sam heaved a breath, putting his hands on his knees to steady himself.

"They are both fine," Gabe said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The other two soldiers walked down the sidewalk, giving them some semi-privacy.

"Why are you here?" Sam said harshly. "Why are you here?"

"Relax, Samsquatch! I came because Dean asked me to. He's gone dark for a few weeks. He didn't want you stressing. And...I have a surprise for you."

Sam stood back up. "He's really okay?"

Gabe rolled his eyes and grinned wide. "He's fine!"

Sam took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. "You scared the shit outta me, Gabe!" Sam hugged the soldier tight, so relieved that his brother was okay, that Cas was okay. Only after a few minutes and realizing Gabe was hugging him back, did Sam pull away and try to shake off his nerves. "Sorry, I just...when I saw you I thought you were here to tell me..."

Gabe grinned, clapping Sam on the arm. "I will come to California any time I want to to give you updates. Now, come on, I have something for you."

Sam walked with Gabe and the other two soldiers to the visitor parking lot. They got into a rental car, Gabe and Sam in the back seat, and Gabe pulled out a laptop.  
He clicked a few buttons and grinned. He turned the laptop to face Sam and Sam was shocked to see Dean there.

"Hey, Sammy!"

"Dean! What the hell man? Gabe scared the shit outta me! How are you?"

"Sorry, but when you had trouble reaching me, I knew you would stress until you got some answers. So, here I am, doing fine."

Sam grinned, sitting back in the seat. "You asked Gabe to fly here for this?"

Gabe smirked and Dean laughed. "Turns out when people think ya kicked the bucket, they get REAL glad to find you still alive. I asked, he did it."

Sam shook his head, looking at Gabe in wonder.

Gabe just shrugged his shoulder and grinned. 

"Thank you, Gabe!"

"Any time Samsquatch."

"How's school?" Dean interrupted. "Grades? Girls?"

"Good. School is good. I have all A's except in Latin. I have a C in that."

"Not bad, Moose."

"How are you?" Sam asked, looking at Dean's stern face. Dean looked drawn and tight. 

"I'm good, how's Jody?"

"Good. Just talked to her yesterday. I'll call her tonight to let her know you're good. Did you get the package I sent?"

"No, I'm not...I won't get it until I am back."

Sam nodded. "You okay?"

Dean rubbed his forehead, looking into the camera and plastering a smile on. "I'm good, Sammy. But I gotta go."

"Okay. I guess I'll hear from you when you get back to your post?"

"Yeah. It'll be a few weeks. You stay outta trouble. Call Jody or Gabe if you need anything."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too, Sam."

Sam handed the laptop back to Gabe.

"Alright Dean-o, hold on and I will connect you." Gabe clicked away on the keyboard and a phone line rang.

"Captain Novak, this line is secure."

"Hey bro!" Gabe grinned.  
"Hello, Gabriel. How are you?"

"Fantasmic. Hangin' with little Winchester." Gabe turned the laptop and Sam waved at a very tired looking Cas.

"Hello, Sam!"

"Hi! How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"I'm good! Better now! It's really good to see you!" Sam noticed Cas had stitches and a shaved path above his left ear. He knew better than to ask, but wondered what Cas had been through.

"Alright, I'm going to connect you. You have ten minutes little bro."

"Thank you, Gabriel. This means a lot to me."

"I know," Gabe grinned, clicking away. "You owe me big time. As usual."

Dean's face came into the smaller camera screen and both men lit up, both covering their own mouths and looking like they could start crying. Gabe muted it. Letting the two talk privately. Sam did not know what they were saying, but they both looked so happy to see each other. 

They talked quickly and Sam grinned at just how happy Dean looked to see Cas. Gabe tilted the screen down, giving them more privacy.

"So, Samsquatch, where's the big party tonight?"

"I wouldn't know," Sam grinned, "I have two tests tomorrow to study for. I haven't been able to think straight for a week, so I have a lot to study."

"Such the academiac! You sound like Cas!" Gabe laughed.

Sam shrugged. "Thanks for doing this Gabe. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. Okay, it was lots of problems. But whatevs. It's worth it."

Sam laughed. Sometimes it was hard to believe that this guy had so much power. He seemed rather small and way too flippant about life to have gained such a rank and abilities for privileges like this. And then Sam would catch a look. He and Cas both had an inner strength that seemed to radiate at times. Strength and power that they only seemed to use for times of need. It could be intimidating. 

"So, you going to fight for Uncle Sam too, Sam?" Gabe asked, his honey-brown eyes sliding over to Sam's.

"Me? No. I thought about it when I was looking into college, but Dean had a fit and threatened to kick my ass big time. So, no."

"Good. What are you studying?"

"Law." Gabe nodded and Sam noted his lack of surprise. 

"You already know everything about me, don't you?"

Gabe quirked a grin, "Mwa? Nooo..."

Sam laughed. "And who are these guys?" Sam asked, pointing to the men in the front seat.

"Heckle and Jeckle? They work for me. No worries. This is aaallll good." Gabe made a face and held up a finger to his own lips as if to shush him. "No, Captain Uriel and Raphael owed me some favors, so I cashed in."

Both men exchanged a look, but said nothing.

Gabe looked at his watch and lifted the screen again. He un-muted the call.

"Okay boys, times up. Gotta cut you off now."

"Thanks, Gabe," Dean said.

"Any time," Gabe grinned, "Not really," he fake whispered.

"I love you," Cas said.

"I love you too," Dean said.

"Aw, so cute. I'm goin' into a sugar coma here fellas." 

Sam laughed when Dean and Cas flipped him off.

They all said goodbye and Gabe ended the call. It took several moments of Gabe doing some interesting system cleansing. He was wiping the call out the best he could. Sam had never actually seen computer hacking in action and watched raptly. After closing everything out, Gabe looked at Sam and shut the laptop. "This never happened. And I was never here."

Sam nodded. There was that power again. "Guess you won't be hanging around?"

Gabe grinned, winking, "You just never know when I might pop up, kid. Your roommate is quite the nervous little ball of energy though. Did you know that he listens to your music when you aren't in the room?" A knowing grin crept across his face. 

Sam leaned away from the soldier, feeling invaded. "You can-"

"I can."

"My laptop?" Sam asked.

"Any time I feel the need to check in on you," Gabe grinned evilly. 

"Dude! That's so not cool!"

"Well, then call me once in awhile and I won't have to hack your laptop cam," Gabe said as if Sam were silly.

"Alright! I'll check in with you!" Sam opened the car door and hesitated. "Are we done?"

"For now," Gabe grinned.

Sam got out of the car and looked down into it at Gabe. "Dude, no more cam hacking!"

"Okay," Gabe laughed, "you spoil all my fun, Sam."

Sam shook his head and shut the door. He was slightly creeped-out with Gabe, but felt immensely better knowing Dean and Cas were okay. They weren't great, obviously, but they were okay.

 

************************************

 

Six weeks later, Sam came out of his dorm to find two soldiers standing there waiting.

"Gabe! Cas!" He yelled running over and hugging Cas and then Gabe. 

"Forgot he was a hugger," Gabe laughed. 

"Better than being a stalker!" Sam defended.

Cas looked at Gabe questioning the statement.

"I told young Sam here that I hacked his laptop cam."

"Gabriel," Cas warned.

"What? The little shit started calling me EVERY week to check in after that." He smiled smugly at Sam.

Cas shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Gabriel."

"I use my powers for good, little bro, you should count your lucky stars for that!"

"So, Cas," Sam re-directed, "you're home! Where are you now?"

"Still at Benning. I'm working on some things there. I'll be there until I retire next June."

Sam nodded. 

Cas cleared his throat. "Sam, would you like to stay with me this summer? I know you move out of your dorm tomorrow, and I just wondered if you would like to stay at Fort Benning?"

Sam shifted from one foot to the other. "Wow, Cas, I really appreciate that, but I made plans since I knew Dean wouldn't be here. I'm going in with a few friends and renting an apartment at the beach and working all summer."

Cas nodded.

"I thought it would be risky for anyone to know about me being close to you because of Dean?" Sam asked.

"It is," Gabe butted in. "I told him keeping you was a bad idea, but he insisted."

Sam smiled, hugging Cas again. "I really appreciate the thought, Cas. And I know it would make Dean really happy. But I am all set."

Cas nodded. "I just wanted you to know that you are welcome."

"Thanks. Maybe I will come visit before school starts."

Cas' face lit up and he grinned. Sam could see that Cas' hair had grown back in where it had been shaved. A scar ran about an inch then disappeared into his hair. "I would really like that Sam."

"Tell you what," Gabe said, "you let me know when you want to come visit, and the airfare is on me."

Sam had no idea what to say to that. He should refuse so much help, but plane tickets were expensive. "Okay, Gabe. Thanks."

"So!" Gabe patted his stomach. "I'm starved! Let's go eat! We can help move your stuff out tomorrow!"

The three went to a seafood restaurant, Gabe ordering the best of everything. Cas was not extravagant, but seemed at ease with Gabe spoiling him. It felt so strange that Dean was not with them. That he was eating an MRE somewhere. Sam tried to push the thoughts away and ended up actually having a lot of fun with the brothers. They reminded him of he and Dean. 

The next day, Gabe rented a truck and moved Sam and his buddy Alfie's things to the beach house they were sharing with six other guys.

"Now I'm totally jealous," Gabe said, seeing a keg being hooked up.

"We are not staying, Gabe," Cas said.

"Aw, Cassie! Remember our glorious college days? All the parties? The chicks! The guys! The booze!"

Sam had to laugh, knowing Cas had never indulged that much. But now picturing a younger Gabe doing so. 

As they got ready to leave, Cas turned back to Sam, hugging him again. "If you need anything, call me. Money, to come home, advice, help of any kind, or just to talk, just call me, Sam."

"Okay, Dad," Sam laughed. His laugh died down and he gave Cas a more serious look. "I will. I'll call. I promise."

Cas nodded. "Be safe, Sam. I'm not sure Dean would like this plan of yours."

Sam quirked a grin, "He would hate it. In fact, he does hate it. But I told him I'm good. And I am. I'll be fine, Cas. Really."

Cas left reluctantly, Gabe dragging him away. Sam was sure Cas had no idea just how much it meant to him that he cared so much. He was used to Dean being in his business. But now he had Cas and Gabe. He also had Jody and Bobby. All of them were around to make sure he was fine.

 

============================================

 

Dean sat down on the stool by the computer. It was his allotted time to make an overseas call. He had been talking to Sam twice a month, other than when his unit had been relocated to a dark site for vehicle repairs for several weeks. Dean had been proud of his unit's ability to streamline the work and make due with what they had. They had surpassed the requests and were able to get back to post early. Since then, things had been as regular as they can be when living just outside a combat zone. 

He dialed Sam's number. He was glad summer was over. Sam's stupid idea of living at the beach with friends had been making him worry for weeks now. Sam was handling things fine, but Dean knew it was a party house.

"Hello?" Sam answered, smiling into the camera.

"Hey there, Sammy!" Dean grinned. "How are you? Anyone pregnant yet?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "No, Dean."

Dean grinned. Sam looked good. He was filling out, loosing the gangly teenage thing. His skin was tanned a golden brown and his hair was getting long, highlighted with light brown and blond from all his time in the sun.

"You need a haircut, Moose."

"Shuddup," Sam laughed.

"What's new?" Dean asked, rubbing a hand through his hair. 

"I have a surprise for you," Sam grinned.

"Oh yeah? What?" Dean asked, watching intently.

Sam scooted over and Dean's heart filled his chest. Cas slid into view. "Hello, Dean."

"Cas! Hi!" Dean covered his own mouth, not trusting himself to not cry or say something crazy. "You know this line is unsecured, right?"

Cas nodded, just smiling. "How are you?"

"I'm good!" He watched as Sam left the screen, giving the pair some privacy.

"Where are you?" Dean asked.

"Bobby's house. Gabe and I brought Sam over today."

"Sam was with you?" Dean asked, striving to control the hitch in his voice.

"Yes, Gabe flew him home so he could be here with us for a week before school starts."

Dean sat back in awe. Cas was taking care of Sam. Rank and career be damned. "That is...that's awesome Cas."

This was the second time they had spoken since January. It was mid August and Dean could hardly stand the distance.

Cas looked up at him, smiling. "He reminds me of you sometimes. His sense of humor. The way he holds his cup."

"I hold my cup a certain way?" Dean laughed.

"You do," Cas said low. "God. I miss you."

Dean glanced over his shoulder at several other soldiers on other computers. No one was paying him any attention. He turned back to Cas. "I miss you so much."

Cas grinned. "Did you ever get that recording I made you?"

Dean laughed and sobered his face, reciting the first full paragraph in beautiful Russian.

Cas choked up immediately. Eyes red rimmed and mouth so sad, it broke Dean's heart. Dean stopped, just watching as Cas fought tears back. "That was a good night," Cas managed to say, clearing his throat.

"Yes it was," Dean murmured back. Dean fell asleep every night listening to Cas reading. He knew the words. He knew the story. Cas was his angel.

Cas wiped at his eyes quickly and Dean nearly choked up on the spot. "Aw, baby. Don't cry."

Cas grinned, shaking his head no. "I'm good. It's just...so good to see you."

Dean covered his mouth with both hands, elbows on the table and physically shook with an effort to not break down. He had to breathe and anchor himself, but he never looked away as Cas pulled himself together and cleared his throat.

"So, Gabe and I broke into your storage unit and got that car you were working on," Cas rambled.

"You did what?" Dean asked, alerting to the words Cas was saying.

"Yeah, Gabe said it was a mess and needed a lot of work."

"Gabe! He doesn't know shit about cars, Cas!" Dean ran his hand through his hair, feeling so trapped.

"So, we towed it to Bobby's and he has been working on it with me and Gabe."

Dean froze. He blinked. "Bobby..."

"Yes."

"Bobby has been teaching you how to fix cars."

Cas nodded. He reminded Dean of his friend's three year old son who had told him he had fixed his dad's toilet by shoving a washcloth wrapped around a hairbrush down the hole. Dean laughed.

"What?" Cas asked.

Sam came back into the screen. "What's funny?" Sam asked.

"I told Dean about the car."

"Oh," Sam grinned sheepishly.

"And that Bobby is teaching Gabe and I how to fix cars."

Sam snorted. He schooled his face into seriousness. "Bobby says they are challenging to work with."

Dean laughed again, hard until tears rolled down his cheeks.

"He meant the car!" Cas interjected.

Sam burst out laughing, "No man, he means you and Gabe, dude!"

Dean laughed anew, covering his face with his hands and wiping at the tears.

"Dude, you're killin' me!" He wheezed.

"I am proficient at changing the oil now," Cas said, starting to laugh.

Dean looked at Sam and Sam shook his head in disagreement.

"Oh my God," Dean choked out. "I love you for trying! Tell Bobby he can stop. He doesn't have to do the car!"

"Bobby is retired now. Gabe says he needs something to do. It is almost done," Cas said, frowning.

Sam laughed again. "He makes Gabe sit down and scrub rust off with a sanding bar!"

The brothers burst out laughing again and Cas crossed his arms looking unamused.

"Yesterday I handed him every tool he asked for correctly."

"That's good," Dean said, swallowing more laughter. "You're learning your tools."

 

Sam shook his head no again and Dean sighed an exhausted, adoring sigh at Cas. 

"Gabe keeps trying to talk Bobby into letting him take the car to a repair shop," Cas explained. "It would be much easier."

Dean shook his head at Cas. "It's not about bein' easy, Cas. It's about bringing her back to life."

"Dean," Cas said, leaning into the camera in all seriousness, "she died long ago."

Dean bit his lip, swallowing another laugh. Cas could not be any more adorable than he was being in this moment. 

"Gabe also offered to buy me a new car," Sam grinned widely. "He suggested a Honda."

"Oh, Jesus!" Dean threw his head back, wincing. "No, no, no."

"I said no," Sam grinned.

Dean just shook his head. "Poor Bobby."

"That man is quite grouchy," Cas said sullenly.

"Especially when Gabe comes," Sam added with a grin.

"I can't-" Dean sighed. "I don't even have words for any of this."

"Gabe says-"

"Cas!" Dean cut him off, "Quit listening to your brother. He means well, but holy shit, take it easy on old Bobby."

"He is the one who should take it easy on us!" Cas grinned. 

Dean and Cas exchanged a loving look.

"It was really good to talk to you guys," Dean said, knowing he was going over his time limit. "Sam, good luck at school. You flying back?"

"Yeah, with Cas. He's taking a few days to help me move my stuff into the dorm and then coming back. Dean could see how close the two had become. It made him happy and jealous at the same time. 

"That's great," Dean said.

"By the time you get home," Cas said to Sam, "I will have that old Charger up and running."

Sam just grinned and looked at Dean. He stood up, leaned down and kissed Cas on top of the head. He looked into the camera at Dean and said, "I get it. He's pretty awesome."

Dean closed his eyes a moment and smiled. He knew Sam meant that he understood why Dean had fallen so madly in love with Cas. That he was nerdy and bad ass and frickin' adorable.

"Bye, Dean, love you," Sam said.

"Love you too," Dean grinned. His eyes moved over to Cas'. "Love you too."

Cas grinned. "I love you." His hands fisted in front of his mouth, their eyes saying a million things to each other. "Come home."

Dean nodded, fighting tears again. "I will. We have stuff to do. I'll be there. With you. I would claw my way out of hell to be there with you."

Tears ran down Cas' cheeks. "I'd get you out before you had to claw your way anywhere, Dean." He took a quaking breath, wiping his cheeks and giving Dean a fierce look. "Love you."

"Yeah," Dean nodded. He had to pull every fiber of his being together to finish. "Love you."

The screen cut out and they were gone. Dean disconnected the call and took several minutes to push all his emotions into a tucked away spot in his heart. He walked out of the shed that was their computer room. He walked across the dusty, dirty ground to the chow shed and got a cup of shitty coffee.

"How's Sam?" Charlie asked.

"Good. Goin' back to school next week."

"Already?" Benny asked, surprised. "Guess it is that time of year."

"Yeah. Kid's gonna be a hell of a lawyer. Him and Bobby are workin' on the Challenger."

"Really?" Benny said. "That old fart misses us!"

Dean laughed. Bobby was probably cursing them for leaving him with Gabe and Cas. But maybe Gabe was right. Maybe Bobby needed a hobby to keep him busy. Bobby would take good care of the car. And the guys.

 

===========================================

 

Thanksgiving rolled around. Dean was out rescuing three duces that had been hit by IEDs. A dog unit went with them to sniff out any more, which they found, and bomb squad had to deactivate. Dean sat on the hood of a jeep and checked his watch. Sam would be waiting for his call. Cas too maybe. No, he had planned to go to Jody's for thanksgiving break. Figuring the time difference, he was not going to make his call. The bomb techs were struggling with the badly made bombs. 

The radio fizzed, "We have a visual of ten individuals walking toward your twenty."

Charlie snatched the radio. "This is Tango, we copy." 

"Tango, approximately ten individuals, some children are twenty klicks your six."

"Copy that." Charlie waved a hand and the unit quickly got into position, guns ready.

"Eagle says move out."

"Tango has 2 of 3 ready, Eagle."

A long fizz passed and Dean ran to finish securing the second duce so it was ready. Charlie waved and the K-9 unit pulled their dogs back, the bomb techs leaving the last IED exposed and the third duce abandoned. They stepped onto the sides of the duces, guns ready as the transport took off, taking the long route home to avoid the people.

Dean held onto the side of one of the duces, gun raised and eyes scanning the hills and craggy cliffs. 

A loud explosion ahead of him threw him with a hot wall of air for twenty feet before he hit the ground and rolled. He stood up, turning to see where the explosion had come from. Charlie was yelling on the radio from his 2 o'clock, sprawled on the ground, clutching the radio to her chest and trying to get to her feet. He ran to her, gun raised to protect her by laying cover fire if needed. All he could hear was a loud, searing sound. He tasted blood in his mouth and did a quick self assessment. He had bit his tongue. And his knees were both bleeding through his digies. Cole was slumped over the steering wheel, unmoving, Jo was pulling metal shards out of her leg while looking around for any signs of enemies. Charlie tapped his shoulder and he looked back at her. She hand signaled the radio was broken and two soldiers were down. He nodded as she swung the radio onto her back and grabbed her gun, the two heading toward the smoking duces. Others were getting to their feet and circling the Duce. Dean knelt beside Jo and glanced at her leg. She was not crying. She pulled the last piece of metal out and tossed it, looking around the cliffs. Dean pulled a bandana out of one pocket and tied her leg to slow the bleeding. She had long gashes up and down her leg. 

Jo got to her feet and Dean pulled one of her arms over his shoulders, running together toward the front of the convoy. The vehicle pulling the Duce Dean had been on was barreling smoke and Benny was pulling Cole out, carrying him over his shoulders, running toward them. Garth came trotting over and pointed up to the sky. They all looked up, seeing a helicopter approaching.

 

===============================

 

Sam returned to school from Thanksgiving break not having heard from Dean. He had talked to Cas briefly and Gabe a bit more than briefly. He knew Dean would call when he was able, but the thought of him missing a holiday was not good. A week went by and Sam called Gabe. Gabe said he would try to look into it, and did not call back all day.

The next day, Sam was in the library studying when his phone rang. He knew the long number had to be from Dean. 

"Hello?"

"Heya, Sam." Came Dean's voice.

"Dean! How are you?"

"I'm fine." Dean took a deep breath. "Sorry I missed Thanksgiving."

"It's alright. What happened?"

"Busy night." 

Sam could hear the sadness in Dean's voice. The distance he was trying to push through. "Dean, did you lose somebody?"

"Yeah. Cole."

Sam covered his mouth and then ran a hand back through his hair. "Shit."

"IED."

"Are you okay, Dean? Charlie? Benny?"

"We all got some shrapnel damage, but nothing serious. Except Jo."

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, listening.

"Jo was flown to Germany. So, you'll probably see her before I do. They already told Ellen. She has a lot of damage to one leg, but she's gonna be okay."

"Okay," Sam said weakly. He and Jo had known each other somewhat, but not nearly as close as Dean was with her. "Should I go back to Fort Benning?" Sam asked.

"No, Sam. You keep doin' your thing man. Jo has Ellen. Will you make sure Bobby knows?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I gotta go. Take care, Sam."

"You too. I'm glad you're okay, Dean. Love ya."

"Love you too."

Sam pulled the phone away. Dean sounded defeated and tired. 

Sam tucked his phone away and looked at his open book and notebook. He loaded them into his backpack and headed for his dorm. He just needed some privacy. Some space. He felt heavy with worry.

Sam slumped over on his desk. He wanted his brother back home. He had a sudden flare of home-sickness that brought tears to his eyes. 

Kevin came in, dropping his bag and flopping onto their futon. Sam sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

"You okay, Sam?"

"Yeah."

"That was a yeah that means no, right?"

Sam blew out a breath. "Yeah."

"Need some privacy? I'm headed to the library anyway," Kevin said, getting to his feet.

"Yeah, I'll meet you there later if I can pull my shit together here."

Kevin patted Sam on the shoulder and left.

Sam sighed. He called Bobby, who did not know anything about Cole or Jo. He said he would go check on Ellen.

"You okay, Sam?" Bobby asked right before they were ready to hang up.

"Yeah," Sam said, hating the quaver in his voice. "I'm fine. I just really miss everybody."

Bobby sighed. "We sure miss you. It ain't near as fun havin' Mutt and Jeff here when you ain't here to get what's so damn funny all the time."

Sam huffed a laugh. "But they try so hard."

"I'd hate to see 'em not tryin'."

Sam and Bobby both laughed at that. "Do me a favor Bobby, next time you see Cas and Gabe, give them a hug for me."

"How bout I just pat 'em on the back. If I hug 'em now, they might start thinkin' that's okay and become huggers. I can't be held responsible for that."

"Well, I'd hug you too, if I could," Sam grinned.

"Yeah," Bobby said gruffly. "I'd hug you too, Sammy. "Love you, boy. Hang in there."

"Love you too, Bobby. I will."

Sam hung up the phone, feeling mildly better until he looked at his pictures pinned to his cork board. Dean, age ten, proud as any dad, standing beside Sam, age six, ready for his first day of kindergarten. He remembered the lunch box, the outfit, the backpack. He was so excited to ride the big yellow bus with Dean. Dean had mowed lawns that summer and done some hustling to take Sam school shopping. The next picture was of himself, Cas, Bobby and Gabe at his car. The third and fourth were of friends here at school. The sixth was of Jody and Dean, both holding guns and laughing at something funny Jody had said while they were target shooting. The seventh was of Bobby and Dean. Arms over each other's shoulders and Dean looking happy and relaxed. It was taken at Bobby's house when they had a barbecue in the backyard to celebrate Sam coming to live with Dean. The eighth was one of Sam's favorites. Dean, age 14, and Sam, age 10. Sam was piggyback with a big grin and Dean was mid laugh. It had been a stellar day. Their dad had given Dean two tickets to a baseball game at Rigley field. Dean chose to take Sam over his friends. Even when they had whined or teased him, he proudly proclaimed his brother was going with him and the rest of them could just suck it. They had such a good day. Just the two of them. It had been just the two of them so many times. Good times and bad times.

He dropped his head in his hands again. Every now and then, he got a bout of homesickness like this. He looked down at his cell. He picked it up, sighing and dialing.

"Hello?" Cas' voice came through.

"Hey Cas."

"Sam. What's goin' on?"

"Nothin'. I talked to Dean." Sam gave him the little bit he knew about Jo and the rest. He could tell that it brought Cas down as well, but he always updated Cas when Dean called.

"Sam," Cas said, right before Sam was ready to end the call.

"Yeah?"

"I miss him too."

Sam fought the stinging in his eyes. He wanted to agree, commiserate, cheer Cas up, but nothing came out. He was just frozen and fighting not to cry.

"So, I'm shopping right now," Cas began. "I'm getting stuff to make a Cesar salad. I like shaved Parmesan cheese way more than shredded. It makes all the difference."

Sam grinned, laying his head on his crossed arms on his desk and listening. Cas did this some times. Random shopping. Random cleaning. Random anything, talking his way through it. He rambled on about the funniest little details and Sam just listened. He could picture everything. It took him to Fort Benning, if not with Dean, at least with Cas. Cas didn't need him to answer back. He just rattled on and on, laughing if Sam laughed. Several times, Sam had fallen asleep at night, just listening as Cas told him about some book, book series or movie. It was a way to be together. A way to have Dean there, if only in theory. It could be painful to talk about him out right. So talking, just talking, was what Sam needed.

Cas was at the check out when he heard the cashier ask him, "Is that your son?" As Cas was explaining why he never bought fruit flavored gum.

Cas chuckled. "More like my brother."

Sam grinned. Either way, he was family.

Sam listened as Cas crossed the windy parking lot. Bags were loaded into the car and Cas got in, shutting the door.

"I'm gonna go," Sam said softly. "Thanks for taking me shopping."

"Anytime, Sam."

The pair waited a moment.

"Sam," Cas said quietly. "You know I love you, right?"

Sam sat up. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.

"I just wanted you to know. You are like a brother to me."

Sam nodded.

"Anyway, I'm heading home for pizza and salad with Gabe," Cas said cheerfully.

"I love you too, Cas," Sam said, feeling it out like a coat made out of a foreign material. He found it fit and felt just right.

"See ya, Sam."

"Tell Gabe I'll call him tomorrow."

"I will."

They hung up and Sam stood, feeling better than he had. He glanced at his pictures again. His family had really grown. First with Bobby and Benny, then Charlie, Ellen and Jo. Now Cas and Gabe. He considered himself lucky.

 

==============================

 

Dean pulled the brim of his hat a notch lower to keep the sun out of his eyes. He had just finished repairing a jeep and missed Jo and Cole. Dean had lost comrades before. He had lost friends before. It hurt. And Jo getting hurt worried him more than most. Ellen was going to kill him when he got home. 

Dean sat on the MRE crate outside their sleeping bunk watching the sun set. The land was arid and the sun looked like it wavered as it sank into the horizon. 

Benny sat down next to him. "Sup?"

"Nothin'" Dean muttered.

"I talked to my sister today."

"Yeah?" Dean said, turning his head, thankful for something else to hear about than the beratements that were circling in his head.

"She's pregnant. Thinkin' if I get out, I might move to Louisiana to be near her."

Dean nodded. "Bobby sent me an email the other day. He asked me to talk to you about opening a garage together. Says he got a real deal on a place in Sioux Falls."

"South Dakota?" Benny tilted his head, shaking it. 

"Apparently Bobby and Ellen from the Roadhouse have gotten close. Jo is home and doing better. She is being discharged because of her knee damage. Now the three of them want out of Fort Benning. Says he had a friend that is selling him an auto shop and a restaurant for a song."

Benny nodded. "Can I ask you somethin'?" He asked quietly, glancing around.

"Yeah," Dean sighed.

"You and Cas still a thing?"

Dean measured Benny with a look. Benny was his friend. But there was the slightest doubt tugging at Dean. "Yeah."

Benny nodded. "I ain't sayin' nothin' brotha. I just wondered. He comin' too?"

Dean nodded slowly. If that was what Cas wanted. He had not even talked to him about it.

"So...Ellen and Jo, you and..., Bobby. Sounds like a family trip." Benny grinned sadly.

"Come on, dude, you are family. I'm closer to you than your sister ever will be." He slugged Benny's shoulder, who laughed. His sister had like six kids and only called Benny when she needed money. 

"You are family, ya idjit," Dean laughed, sounding like Bobby, making Benny laugh as well.

"South Dakota. It's so fuckin' cold there! My Louisiana blood can't take it!"

"I'll buy ya a coat you fuckin' baby," Dean laughed.

Benny slugged him back and Dean held his hands up in surrender.

"I'll think ‘bout it," Benny said, his eyes lighting up a bit. 

"Yeah. I'd like to check out the area before I go dumpin' money into a business."

 

===============================

 

Christmas. Sam flew to Fort Benning and stayed with Cas. It was quiet unless Gabe was around. Sam and Gabe had developed a quirky relationship. Sam was fascinated with how Gabe could take over a party effortlessly. He was well-loved by most everyone. He could also be fiercely protective of Cas, and it turned out, Sam as well. He had no intentions of getting out of the Army, like Cas. 

They video called Dean. Afterwards, Cas looked concerned.

"What's the matter, Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas looked over at him, not wanting to say something. 

Sam just raised his eyebrows back. 

"He's struggling. He is owning the IED incident. Jo. Cole."

Sam nodded. "He does that. He thinks he's responsible to fix the world."

Cas nodded and Sam could see that Cas could relate to that. 

It was a cozy, quiet Christmas break. Sam had had much worse while growing up. But he had certainly had better. 

He missed Dean. 

 

==============================

 

January was cold. Bobby complained that there was no snow. He wanted heaps of snow. Dean had been getting regular emails from him. He missed snow too. All he had was desert heat and cold, windy nights. He shook his head. He could use a pile of snow and his little brother to pummel with snow balls. He walked across post, catching up with Charlie.

"Hey Serg," Dean said.

"Winchester," she grinned, putting her clipboard down at her side. 

"What's the word?"

Charlie grimaced. "Looks like we have another rescue today."

Dean nodded. As their time there drew to a close, every rescue mission became even more tense. Everyone wanted to go home. To get killed in action a week before you were out of this hell-hole would just be shitty.

"Hot zone," Charlie said quietly, handing Dean a map.

Dean sighed. This was not going to be pretty.

 

An hour later, as they geared up, Dean tucked a letter addressed to Sam deep inside his flack jacket. Inside the puffy envelope was a letter he never wanted his brother to have to read. Sealed inside were letters to Jody, Cas and Bobby as well. Carrying it felt like an albatross, but what was said inside was more important to be delivered. Just in case. In case he never got to go home.


	12. Left, Right, Left

Chapter 12. Left, Right, Left

 

Sam looked up from his textbook when Alfie had raised two big eyes and Kevin actually stood up and stepped backwards. They had been sitting at their regular table in the library for two hours and the sudden movement made Sam wonder. He turned in his seat to see two soldiers walking towards him. "Hey!" Sam smiled.

It was Gabe and Cas. Both in uniform. Not digies this time, dress blues. He was surprised at the awards and decorations both brothers had. No wonder his friends were intimidated.

"Is Dean home? Is he here?" Sam asked excitedly. 

Neither smiled and Cas pulled his hat off.

"Shit," Sam said, trying to stuff down the wave of panic filling him.

"Sam," Cas began, "Dean's unit was hit pretty bad a week ago. Dean is in Germany. He is in stable condition now and will be coming home as soon as he is safe to be moved."

"Germany?" Sam asked, not comprehending.

"Dean is okay," Cas encouraged.

"He's okay..." Sam repeated. Dean was supposed to be home any day. Cas and Gabe were talking, but all Sam could hear was a loud buzz. His brother was okay. But not okay. He was alive. Dean was alive. He was okay.

"Shot?" Sam said, his thoughts whirling. He wanted to go. He wanted to help. To do something! "Where? How bad is it?" 

Gabe put a calming hand on Sam's shoulder. "I talked to his doctor. He is going to be fine. It was the loss of blood that was the worst. Now that he's stable, he will be fine."

Sam huffed. "Why didn't I get a call?"

"You got lip service from a fuckin' Major and a Captain, kid," Gabe snapped.

Sam put his head in his hand and fought back tears. "Sorry."

Gabe sighed. 

Cas gave his brother a warning glare and squatted down in front of Sam. "I wanted to tell you in person. We've been getting updates on all of them and I just felt like I needed to be with you when you found out."

Sam's anger disappeared and fear gripped him tight. 

Dean was his whole family. The only person in the world who had ridden through childhood with him. Tears started falling and he curled over, feeling so alone.

"Sam," Cas soothed. "He's okay. Dean is okay." Cas hugged him and then rubbed his back. Gabe pulled up a chair, sitting close and prompted Sam to sit up.

"From what I understand," Gabe continued, taking Sam's hand in his and settling his other hand warmly on his shoulder, "it was quite the shitstorm they were in, and Dean and his crew were the ones who ended it, they got those bastards, okay? They showed them who was boss and they all got out."

Sam nodded, swiping his tears away and forcing a smile.

"He got them out. Like Purple Heart shit," Gabe grinned.

Sam huffed a laugh. Yeah, that was his brother.

"Benny is gonna be okay and Charlie too. The rest are already headed home. The three of them are all in Germany together. And when Dean gets home," Cas said, "I will send for you to come back to see him. I talked to Jody a few minutes ago and she is ready to do what she needs to, to allow you to come back for a week, since she is technically your legal guardian."

Sam nodded. "I can drop this semester and come home," Sam said, sitting up straighter. Gabe took his hand off his shoulder, but kept the other, firmly in his grasp.

"That shouldn't be necessary, kiddo."

Sam looked between the two brothers and breathed out steadier.

"Dean is going to call you as soon as he can. He's pretty doped up on meds right now. But you should hear from him in a day or so."

"Did you talk to him?" Sam asked, looking at both of them.

"No," Cas said. "Just the doctor. And Charlie."

"What's wrong with Charlie?" Sam asked.

"Shot in the arm. She is going to be fine," Cas encouraged.

Sam nodded. "Benny?"

The brothers exchanged a look and Cas sat back a bit. "He took a bullet and shrapnel damage to a leg. They had to amputate below the knee. He's fighting some infection, but he will be coming home too."

Sam's brow was furrowed and worried, but he nodded bravely.

Gabe let his hand go with a final squeeze. 

"Where was Dean shot?" Sam asked. His mind was darting all over the place.

"In the abdomen. He lost a kidney, but he is doing well. No infection and no permanent damage, they say."

Sam nodded. He glanced over at Alfie and Kevin, who looked worried and horror-struck. "I'm gonna go back to my room," Sam said, both nodding. 

Sam walked out with Cas. He turned as he saw Gabe giving both guys his phone number. "You call me if Sam needs anything." Sam heard him say. Both nodded.

"We'll keep an eye on him, sir," Alfie said, looking like he was taking on a new and brave job.

Gabe nodded and joined them.

 

Three days had gone by. The brothers had gone home the day they had come and Sam had found it insanely hard to focus on school work. Finally, his phone rang with a long number he did not know from Germany.

"Hello? Dean?" Sam said, stepping out of the lab class he was in.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said.

Sam took a deep breath. It felt so good just to hear his voice.

"How's college?" Dean asked in a very chipper voice.

"How are you?" Sam laughed nervously.

"I'm awesome! The drugs here are frickin' awesome! I'm like, so good."

Sam leaned against the hallway wall, smiling. "You sound awesome!"

"Yeah! Just be sure you take good care of your kidneys. Cuz I can't give ya one of mine anymore!" Dean laughed.

"Are you coming home soon?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Few days for me. Charlie is in Texas and should be back at Benning by tomorrow. But Benny and I are stuck here a few more days."

"Have you told anyone else?" Sam asked.

"Nope. Can't. This is an unsecure line."

"Okay," Sam said.

"How's Benny?" Sam asked, knowing the two were very close.

Dean sighed. "He's gonna be fine. Sucks. He hadn't decided if he was staying in the Army or retiring, so now I guess his mind got made up for him."

"Well, I hope he moves to South Dakota with us," Sam said, worrying for his friend.

"Bobby talked to you about that?"

"Yeah, it's all he talks about," Sam laughed. "He damn near has me sold on the place and that's saying something, considering I'm getting awful used to California."

"So, you gonna spend spring break with your stupid brother?"

Sam laughed. "Yes, Dean. I will definitely be home for spring break."

"Good. Good."

They said their goodbyes and Sam hung up. Dean was coming home. He was still Dean. He was going to be okay. He looked over and Alfie stood just outside the door to their class. He gave him a thumbs-up and Alfie smiled, stepping back into class.

He called Cas. 

"Sam?" Cas answered.

"Hey, Cas. I just talked to him. He sounds good. Lots of meds making him happy."

Cas sighed. "Thank you, Sam."

Sam nodded, knowing Cas could not see him, but he was afraid to talk for fear of starting to blubber.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked quietly.

"I want to see him," Sam said shakily. "I want to be there when he lands. I just..."

"I understand," Cas said. "I'll see what I can do."

"Okay," Sam said firmly.

"I'll be in touch," Cas said.

"Okay," Sam said. He hung up and tucked the phone in his pocket. A rush of wishing he was ten years old again slammed into him, making him gasp. Ten year old him, jumping and laughing as his bad-ass, bigger-than-life, 14 year old brother shot off stolen fireworks just for them. 

He just wanted his brother. The single, steady figure in his life that loved him no matter what. As if Dean were standing there next to him, he could hear him say, ‘get it together, man! You’ll see me soon!’ 

Sam laughed to himself, wiping his cheeks dry and glancing around to be sure he was alone. He took a steadying breath and went back to class.

 

===============================

 

It had taken way longer to get released from the hospital in Germany than Dean or Benny would have liked. They were so close to going home that they could taste it. 

Benny was healing nicely and Dean, although he had lied to Sam about it, had spiked a fever and they had to go back in and do some clean-up surgery. He was fever free now and chomping at the bit to hit American soil again. 

Their flight from Germany to Texas was tedious. Both men wore their digies, like the rest of the twenty three other soldiers flying with them. They touched down on American soil and the whole plane erupted in cheers. Benny was holding up pretty well, and Dean never left his side.

"Come on, iron-sides," Dean said, steering the wheelchair down the gangway and into customs check out. Both made it through the scans and went through the double doors. 

Applause rang out as Dean, Benny and two other soldiers entered the gate waiting area. Dean stopped in his tracks when he saw Sam standing there with a big sign that read "My brother comes home today!" Dean choked up as Sam ran to him, picking him up and bear hugging him like never before.

"Sammy! What the hell! How'd you know?" Dean choked out.

"Gabe, who else?" Sam laughed, wiping tears off his face.

"Jesus, Sammy, quit fuckin' growin' already! I swear to God you got even taller!" They hugged again and Dean realized Sam was not the only one there to greet him. Jody, Ellen, Jo, and Bobby were all there. Benny and Dean were overwhelmed with hugs and kisses and people in general. Strangers stopped and thanked them, shaking their hands and waving. 

As they left the confines of the airport, Dean and Benny took a big breath of American air. It was so good to be home.

The realization that most of his family was here, dawned on him in another wave of unbelievability. He stopped, turning to them with wide eyes. "I can't go home yet," Dean said to Sam. "We still have to de-brief."

"I know," Sam nodded. "And when you are ready, we are all driving you back to Fort Benning. Except Jody, she flies back tomorrow."

Dean and Benny exchanged a look of wonder and Dean saw Benny was swatting tears off his face. He gripped, Benny's shoulder tight and the pair tried not to be too overwhelmed. 

Dean felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Ellen next to him.

"Ellen," he said nervously. "Ellen, I'm so sorry about Jo."

Ellen was holding back tears as she turned Dean, hands on his upper arms. "Dean, I will never be able to thank you enough for keeping Jo safe out there. For bringing her home."

Dean shook his head, seeing how torn up Ellen was.  
"And I can finally sleep tonight, knowing you are home too. I've been so worried. I'm so glad you're home safe!" She crushed him in a tight hug and all he could do was hug her back and just hate himself later for crying so much. This wasn't his first time home from combat. And yet it felt so monumental. 

"Cas told me to hug you extra tight, son," Ellen said quietly.

"Damnit, Ellen," Dean said, hugging her even tighter. It took several minutes to pull themselves together.

 

Three days later, late February now, they arrived back at Fort Benning. The weather was cool with a slight humidity in the air. Charlie was there and waiting for their arrival. 

Dean's new quarters were furnished and already decorated. He had a feeling Dorothy and Charlie had done a lot of that. Benny had to stay at the infirmary for the first week to be sure he was progressing with his healing and his prosthetic fitting would begin. Dean was surprised when everyone hugged him and quickly left. 

They wanted to hang out with Benny and Dean was glad. Sam rolled his shoulders as Dean sat on the sofa. It was really weird to be home. "So, I'm goin' out," Sam said.

"What?" Dean asked in surprise.

"Yeah, um, there's someone waiting in your room to see you, so I'll be back in a few hours."

Dean stood up, looking back the hall. There could only be one person waiting for him. He ran to his bedroom door, throwing it open.

Cas sat on the edge of Dean's bed, hands fidgeting. His head snapped up when Dean burst in.

Dean froze in the doorway and Cas stood slowly.

"Dean," Cas whispered.

Dean covered his mouth with both hands, shaking his head. It was unreal. That voice. He had heard Cas reading to him about the angel in Russian for the past year. To hear his name. To see him. It was too much. 

Cas took a step toward him and Dean dropped his hands down. He stepped forward and they enveloped each other. They stood there holding each other for several moments. Dean shoved his nose into Cas' neck, smelling him. Honey and home. He pulled back, holding Cas' face in his hands. "I missed you," Dean said brokenly.

Cas nodded, his eyes brimming with tears. "I missed you."

Dean took a deep breath and kissed him. When their lips touched for the first time in over a year, they both sucked in a breath and then like a breaking dam, they were kissing deeply. Dean felt Cas pick him up, Dean's legs going around his waist and Cas carried him to the bed, laying him down. 

Cas opened his flack jacket slowly, gingerly passing his still very bandaged abdomen.

"Dean," Cas grieved at the site of it.

"I'll be fine, Cas."

Cas nodded, but looked hurt for him. They got him out of his jacket and shirt. 

"I just wanted a scar like yours," Dean grinned.

Cas huffed a laugh and his hands roamed Dean's chest carefully, reverently. 

They made love slowly, gently. There were so many words to be spoken, things to say, stories to tell, but neither one could get beyond the physical need to touch and feel each other again.

Afterward, they lay in Dean's bed. "We're so close, Dean," Cas said, leaning up on his elbow.

Dean ran his finger along the new scar at his hairline. 

"Shrapnel," Cas said.

Dean winced. "Looks like it was deep." 

"Yeah. To the skull they said."

Dean pressed his lips together. As did Cas. Both men had been through hell, survived, and here they were. 

Dean ran his hand along Cas' cheek. "We are close. It's February. I'm up for discharge in March. I'm getting out, Cas. Benny too. Have you talked to Bobby?"

"South Dakota?" Cas said, sounding like Benny.

Dean grinned, pulling him down into a hug, kissing his cheek. "How bout I promise to take you on vacation at least once a year, Angel. During winter."

Cas' eyes moved up to his. "I'd go anywhere with you, Dean Winchester."

Dean grinned. "What are you gonna do in South Dakota?"

"Live like I want to. With you. Have family and friends nearby. Is there a college around? I can teach."

"There is," Dean smiled. 

 

In March, Dean was awarded a Purple Heart. He was bumped up to an E6 and promptly retired. The very next day, once all paperwork was signed, Dean moved in with Cas. Major Fer was all over it, trying to put together a case against the pair. But he had nothing. 

Several weeks into their new living arrangement, Fer showed up at Cas' house in a tirade. Cas called the MPs right away, but they took their time about getting there. By the time they arrived, Dean was standing in the driveway, arms crossed over his chest, watching as Cas beat the crap out of Major Luc Fer. It was always surprising to see how strong Cas was. He picked Lucifer up like a rag doll, slamming him into the brick wall of the house several times. Although Lucifer fought back, he was absolutely nothing compared to Cas' pent up rage. 

Cas and Fer were both written up with warnings.

 

At the end of May, Sam came home from school, moving in with Dean and Cas. They spent frequent nights at Bobby's tinkering with a new project since Sam's car was ready to go. They spent most evenings planning their move to South Dakota. Ellen and Jo had been there once already. Bobby had gone with them. By the time they came back, Ellen and Bobby were a new thing. Jo was grossed out, but loved Bobby as much as Dean did. 

Dean was ready to move on from military life. He spent as much time off post working with Bobby as he could. 

 

In June, Cas retired. The Roadhouse was full and the party was madness. Cas and Dean were free of their responsibilities to the Army. It was like jumping off a cliff for Cas. He was poorly armed to work out in the real world, unless he wanted a job with ICE or Homeland security, which he did not. But Dean was grounded with a solid career, and neither one gave a shit if they lived in a hovel. It would be their own. As the crowd died down when Ellen stood on the bar banging a pot with a spoon, Dean headed closer to the front with Cas.

"I have a little speech," Ellen said, getting hoots and hollers from the crowd.

"I love service men and women!" She cheered and the crowd cheered back. "I loved one so much I married him. Then I lost him." The crowd was quiet now. "I was mad as a hornet when my Jo snuck behind my back and joined the Army." 

Dean and Jo chuckled. 

"And then I met this adorable little boy, who fancied himself a bad-ass soldier." She looked at Dean and he blushed. "He told me what a mama needs to hear. He said, 'Ma'am, Jo's a good soldier. And I got her six." 

She raised her mug and the crowd followed. 

"To Dean, who watched out for my baby and got her home. Dean and Sam, you're like sons to me. To Dean!"

"Dean!" The crowd cheered and Dean shook his head uncomfortably.

Ellen continued, "I want to thank three gentlemen that changed my life. A pair of bad-ass, suave fellas. Gabriel!" 

Gabe shot both hands in the air in celebration. The crowd hooted and hollered, ‘Novak!’

"Gabriel bought the Roadhouse and swears it will stay the same!" The crowd cheered. She raised her mug and shouted, "Gabe!" A raucous of "Gabe"s broke out, finally quieting. 

"And last, but not least, is the other sons I never had. Sam and Cas. For a long time it felt like it was me and Jo against the world. But when I got my hooks in Dean, Sam soon turned up. And no one could be prouder than Bobby and I. To Sam!" 

"Sam!" The crowd cheered.

Ellen waved a hand, quieting the crowd again. "And Cas. Cas came in here like...well, hell, the lights might as well have flickered and fireworks gone off," she laughed.

"Every girl wanted a piece of him. And he could not have been more of a gentleman." 

Dean quirked a grin at Cas and he nudged Dean back. 

"And then he did the unthinkable. He captured my Dean's heart." Ellen looked down at the two men. "I never saw even a movie come close to what I saw when these two fell in love." She raised her mug. "To Cas! It was a long wait! Congratulations on retiring! And thank you for bein' what our boy needed."

"Cas!" The crowd cheered, Cas blushing.

Ellen waved him up. And Cas gave Dean a 'wish-me-luck look. Dean cat-called as he got up to the bar.

"Thank you, Ellen," Cas said in his deep, rumbly voice. "My brother and I were very excited we got stationed together here. Gabe is the only family I have. And I am his only family. Then we met Dean and Sam. Two brothers who only had each other. Then, life got really fucking complicated." Cas swallowed and looked down. Dean remembered the weeks of sneaking around. The painful year they barely spoke. "I, uh, started pursuing Dean and then freaked out a bit." Cas swallowed nervously. "Then Ellen kicked my ass one night, seeing how miserable I was without him."

Dean raised an eyebrow. He had no idea that had happened.

"So, we found a way. And every day I am so thankful to wake up next to him." Cas got down on one knee on the bar and looked at Dean.

Dean's jaw dropped. Holy shit!

"Dean," Cas began, "you brought a new family into my life. Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, and most of all, Sam. Gabe and I have never been more surrounded by good people. People we have grown to love. I thought my life was defined by my career, Dean. My Ranger brothers." Who hoo-rahed loudly. "Gabe and I now feel like we have family. When I'm with you, I have a home. I have given everything for you. I have been a good soldier, like you. I have rebelled, but mostly I have fallen so hard for you, Dean Winchester. I love you more than I could express in any language. Will you marry me?"

Dean was floored by Cas' public confessions. He felt Sam's hand on his back and knew that this was more than he could have ever hoped for. 

"Yes," he said, his eyes holding Cas' in that magnetic pull that had first caught him in this very bar. "Hell yes!" He yelled.

The crowd cheered and toasted as Cas came off the bar, kissing him and holding out a box with a ring. Cas pulled the ring out and slid it onto Dean's finger and they kissed again. Cheers erupted and the crowd patted their backs and hugged them. They were free. Free at last. Free to be in love. Free to do with their lives whatever they wanted.

 

The End

Author's Note- Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! I do also want to add that I have utmost respect for all soldiers. To put yourself on the line for your country is an honor that I will never take for granted! Questions and comments are welcome! Thank you again!! :)


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